House Divided: A fellow blogger needs some helpful advice…….

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Earlier this week I wrote about an ultimatum that I was given regarding my furkid, Lily….my post resonated with a fellow blogger who is currently going through a similar situation. After reading her email I felt her pain and asked her if I could share her current dilemma with you all in hopes that she can get the encouragement, wisdom and strength that she so needs.

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Clara is married, has 3 children under the age of ten and lives in a quaint suburban neighborhood. Back in October of last year they decided to add to the family and adopt a dog, I will call him Fido. Fido was less than a year when they got him so he still had those puppy tendencies.

This was the families’ first pet (besides the occasional fish) and it was a major adjustment for everyone, but mostly Clara who took on all the responsibilities that come with owning a dog. As the weeks went on, her husband grew irritated with Fido…he never allowed himself to bond with him. She assumed this was because he never had any pets growing up, where she had. She knew there was a problem when she had to go out of town for a couple days due to her job and her husband refused to take care of Fido while she was gone.  “You will need to kennel him or find someone to watch him” he told her. He didn’t want the responsibility of caring for this bundle of cuteness while she was gone…..knowing that  kenneling the pup would be costly and her tight wad of a husband was now making things difficult with her regarding Fido, she told her employer that she wasn’t able to attend the conference.  She also thought maybe the best thing she could do was give Fido back to the family who adopted him out because of all the tension that was brewing at home….she called the family and they were more than happy to take him back. She changed her mind 2 days later.

A month ago Clara noticed that Fido wasn’t acting right and took him to the vet; after many tests and several Xrays it was determined that Fido had several objects (toys,hairband) in his stomach and surgery was necessary. $1200 later Fido was recovering.  While he was under the watchful eye of the vet, Clara was home being made to feel as though Fido’s incident was her fault, her husband demanded that she get rid of the dog and that she owed HIM $1200. (You heard me, she owed him)  She was beyond stressed and beside herself, she tried to sell things to pay her “debt” back to her husband, there was no reasoning with him at all, a day didn’t go by that he didn’t send her into a tearful mess…..just his crude words and cold heart towards this pup baffled her. He made her feel guilty for wanting to get together with her friends for her birthday stating that she still owes him $1200 and how they can’t afford it.  (They have money).

Tension just grew between them, she knew he was being unreasonable but talking to him was like talking to a brick wall. He claimed he never wanted a dog and only agreed to shut her up…..she didn’t know what else to do so she called the previous family to see if they would take the dog back, they agreed. The thing is they live in Texas and can’t get him until sometime in March. Clara was broken hearted, cried daily…this little furkid was her baby, she loved him.

Clara told me that she got the courage to talk to her husband about everything …. He claimed that he never told her to get rid of him, granted he never spoke those words his actions spoke loud and clear. She thought maybe she could go back on her word  (again) with the previous owners but her husband still refused to have anything to do with Fido if she had to go out of town and the money issue would never be dropped. She then blamed herself because she knew he wasn’t going to own up to his coldness towards this whole thing.

“What do you think I should do?” she asked.

I went over what she sent a couple times; we exchanged a few emails just so I could  get the full story. I finally told her that:

1. She shouldn’t have to OWE her husband anything. She’s in a marriage not a business, they both work and financially contribute to the household and that it was their decision to bring Fido into the family. Granted, if he never wanted a dog this should have been addressed….he shouldn’t have just gave in to “shut her up”.

2. I told her that I didn’t understand why he isn’t willing to take care of the dog when she is required to go out of town to attend seminars for her job. She shouldn’t have to kennel him … she should be able to count on her spouse to take responsibility for their four-legged furkid, plus would the cost of kenneling him be tacked on to the debt that he claims she owes him?

3. I also told her that the issues with the dog are just the icing on the cake…..there has to be more. She needs to find her voice in that marriage because in my opinion she doesn’t have one, not really. When finances are concerned he can buy what he wants (2 laptops in a mth….computer time/games) and come up with a valid reason for these non-budgeted items but when she needs something “its not in the budget”  is what she hears.

4. I told her that she can’t go back on her word again with the previous family who had Fido, they are looking forward to having him back…..plus it’s not like her husband is going to change his mind…..any unforeseen expenses with be HER FAULT, the tension will STILL be there, he isn’t going to change. Plus, Fido needs a yard to run in, he needs a family that will love him completely.

My heart breaks for her…..I can’t imagine being in her shoes right now.

Please feel free to leave your comments for her here…… she will read all of them!!  Thank you  🙂

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My friend really needs to give up juggling!!

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It took every ounce of me not to say “I warned you, Karmas a bitch and now you are feeling her wrath” but I couldn’t, she’s still my friend but I did let her know how disappointed I was in her for breaking the heart of someone who always treated her well.

About a month and a half ago I wrote about my good friend Maries choice to leave Surfer Boy and go back to Mr.Douchebag (you can read about it here :Love doesn’t leave bruises) as far as I knew she had broken things off with Surfer Boy and was now probably walking on egg shells trying not to set off Mr.DB; she really didn’t mention much to me over the past month because I felt she knew I wasn’t a fan of her choice.

I was so wrong……she had taken up a new sport, juggling……men.

Friday evening I received a message through Facebook from Surfer boy…I thought it was a bit strange at first but figured he must be contacting me because he wanted to get her back. I was wrong. What I read was disheartening.

“I have been crushed to find out that Marie has been cheating on me. Next time warn me, I put my heart and soul into her only to find how sneaky and horrible she has been behaving has really hurt me. Hope she Is happy with “DouchBag”, she and that POS deserve each other. the open condom wrapper was the first sign, did I mention it wasn’t mine. I’m so grossed out and feel sick to my stomach Aloha”

I was shocked…..well actually no, I wasn’t shocked because this is typical Marie behavior she always has to have a back-up. I sent him back a message telling him that I was sorry that she hurt him but I thought she had ended things over a month ago.

“She had sex with me a week ago, it was a week ago today and it was right before I went to go teach her kids to surf all afternoon. i just went and bought a tree with her and her put it in her home. I feel all alone and betrayed and deeply sad and hurt. I treated her like my partner, her kids like my own. she had been planning a family with me. Marriage, kids, etc. I guess I wasn’t rich enough, I didn’t know she was so materialistic.”

The more I heard the more pissed off I became. She needed to stop this behavior, this wasn’t some playboy…. this was one of the good guys, plus there were kids involved. I went back to messages that Marie and I exchanged discussing her choice to leave Surfer boy for Mr.Douchebag and that per their “rules for reconciling” they could not have any contact with exes OR ELSE it was over….and they had to delete their Facebook pages. I knew this would be hard for Marie, but I also knew she would do anything to be back in the arms of DB.

As I was about to log off of Facebook I saw that Surfer Boy let his broken heart be known and told all of Facebook land that he has been cheated on. “Ohhh shit” ….. I had to let Marie know before she got a message from someone else. I pretty much told her that I was so disappointed to find out that she had been cheating on Surfer Boy and that I thought she had ended it with him. “Why are you getting involved?” she asked.  “He involved me….and now has involved all his Facebook friends”. She told me that Surfer Boy was in denial and that she hadn’t slept with him…..her story was full of holes and when I mentioned certain details that I knew she was silent. “You don’t know him so why share things with him that I told you?”

“You’re right I don’t know him…..but I know things you have told me about him. You told me that he reminded you of Terri…the man that you regret ever hurting….the man you cheated on for your now ex husband. Surfer boy was good to you and your daughters…he was genuine. He was one of the good guys that didn’t deserve to be cheated on or hurt. You NEED TO STOP THIS!! You need to stop hurting people and messing with people’s heart. You don’t like it when it’s done to you so why do it to others?”

She continued to tell me that he was crazy and delusional  …..which were things she would say about all the other men that she hurt in the past. I just wanted off this roller coaster ride ….  as the night went on, I didn’t hear anything more from her or Surfer boy.. I tried to shake off the funk but I knew deep down Marie was going to come face to face with Miss Karma herself.

“Douche Bag broke up with her, I sent him an email last night, now I’m the consolation prize but I’m not going to be anyones second choice” Surfer boy messaged me the next morning.

Damn!!!  Good for him I thought!  I told him that I was sorry that she hurt him and that he deserved someone who would be true to him and his daughter. Somehow I thought that I needed to apologize for my friends behavior but she’s a grown woman who created this mess…..so why was I apologizing for her? I was more embarrassed about her behavior than anything.

I never told her that I knew that Mr.Douchebag broke up with her and I never heard from Marie …… I didn’t think I would…..but something tells me that she’s not done with DB and she’s doing everything possible to clear her name. ….BUT if DB is really done with her than I hope she learns her lesson. This will be the first time (and I mean it!!) she will be without a man, she won’t have someone to help mend her heart or comfort her, she won’t have a man to feed her ego and whisk her off to beautiful places.

She needs to learn how to be alone ……

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Lady, you got some balls!!!

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*Bing*

I looked down at my phone, “Coeli pinned one of you pins on Pinterest” the notification read. Ok, that name rang a bell….I let out a chuckle. The only Coeli I know (well not personally)  was my husbands  “not all there in the head” ex-girlfriend. “The girl has some balls” I said to myself. It’s one thing to secretly stalk an ex or their significant other but to make it known that you are checking them out is another thing.

Just to make sure that I wasn’t jumping to conclusions, I did confirm that it was her by just clicking on her picture. I was amused. “Honey, do you want to hear something funny?”, I told him about his ex’s recent action, he rolled his eyes and replied “she’s probably on the internet as we speak looking at all your posts”. “Well, she can look all she wants, she can read my blog and scope my Facebook…..she’s just going to see pictures and read stories about us”

Why now though, I wondered? I just remember all the craziness she created when she found out that my husband moved on and started dating me. She sent my daughter a Facebook message stating that her and my husband were married, that they have a wedding website, that she knew he was cheating when he would say he had to go out of town for work, she even called me a home wrecker. Her story just grew and grew….she even changed her Facebook picture to an old picture of the two of them. My daughter asked her to provide proof of the faux marriage, “send me a picture of your marriage license, a wedding picture and the wedding website, ohhh and why are you still using your maiden name why haven’t you changed it if you are MARRIED?”… she wrote back but Miss Crazy lady   never sent the proof that was asked of by my daughter, she just sent a couple more messages until my husband put an end to it.

Why she never messaged me was the weird thing, to involve my daughter was just further proof she was just out to hurt people. Not long after, my daughter told me that she went onto Miss Crazy lady’s Facebook page and noticed that she wrote a little blurb about moving on and called my husband a not so pleasant name. LOL.

All I have to say is, “Get a life!” ….WE DID.

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Left feeling naked and vulnerable

Finding a good hair stylist always brings some sort of anxiety into my life……I’m either leaving the salon in tears, the cut is way shorter than I had asked for, looking back in the mirror is a woman with bangs….. when did I ask for bangs??, long layers end up being short layers, horrified stylist look on while my botched highlight job startles them.

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Moving to a new town always brings on the task of looking for a new salon, hoping to find one that Tabatha Coffey would be proud of …. I asked around and read reviews, I had thought I found my salon home. My first visit, I arrived ten minutes early …….thirty minutes later my hair stylist decides to walk in, hmmmm twenty minutes late NOT a good first impression. I gave her simple instructions, just take 2 inches off and trim up my layers……pretty basic salon 101…right? snip snip……ten minutes later she was removing my cape and telling me my cut was done. Really?? all done??  hmmmmm ok.  The second trip to this salon was a bit more …mmm..interesting. My appointment was with a different lady, again I arrived ten minutes early……no one was behind the desk to greet me (Tabatha would have had a fit)….I waited fifteen minutes before anyone acknowledged me, I was told that the lady that is doing my hair would be here shortly…………..twenty minutes later  a call was placed “she’s running behind she hit some traffic” this was a lie, how do I know? because she told me the town she lives in which is the same as mine……there is NEVER traffic……..finally she arrives and wait whats that in her hands ……a bag from McDonalds and a large soda…….hmmmmm well I guess getting to her appointment wasn’t that important.

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I refused to go back ever again …… customer service was the least of their concern, a botched dye job and one ruined sweatshirt later I decided giving them a third try wasn’t going to happen.

Months have gone by since I had my haircut….this humidity is doing a number on it and it was getting a bit too long so I had to take the plunge and find another hair salon…….Just walking into the salon brought such anxiety……a nice glass of wine would have been nice just to settle my nerves, but then I would probably make the mistake of telling her to do whatever she’d like…….I’ve done that a few times and only regretted giving the stylist free rein to my hair.

imagesCAUP7558The lady motioned me over to the wash station…..as I looked up at the ceiling all I could see was dust covering light fixtures, vents and ceiling covers…..visions of Tabatha running her hands over it and looking on in disgust took over. I seriously need to stop watching her show!! …… not a word was said, not even a “how’s your day” was uttered. Finally I was in the chair and that’s when I saw it……………her license…………..not her drivers license, but her beautician license….shit she’s a newbie she just got it like a few weeks ago……………OHHHH CRAP!!!”What would you like done?” she asked……. I told her just to take an inch and a half off, easy enough right??  she takes her comb, looks down at it and starts counting……ohh nooo…..she proceeds to show me how much she’s going to take off….I nod. A simple cut should only take thirty minutes right….well I was in the chair for an hour….yes the cut was done nicely but she left me leaving naked, no hairspray, no gel, no teasing of the hair, no height……product free…..feeling vulnerable.

True friends tell it like it is ….Please stop this nonsense!!

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Yesterday, I was speaking with my friend Marie who was distraught over a very recent break-up. I didn’t quite understand why she was upset because she had been trying to find a way to end things with him for months and sorta/kinda moved on with another man but yet she was stating that she screwed up badly and sabotaged the best thing that she ever had. Well “The best thing she ever had” never had time for her, put together a spreadsheet showing when he could fit her into his schedule, disrespected her in front of others, flirted with other woman in front of her, they brought the worse out of each other such as insecurity, jealousy, anger, bruises and to top it off he didn’t like her dog!!!  Her vision of “The best she ever had” was totally off kilter.

“Jolene, he’s a hot commodity here….all the women want him. It felt good to be with him when we were out on the town, just knowing others envied me made me feel good…plus when I was talking to my mom  she mentioned that I needed to stay with the corporate types because they make money”……ok, I was glad she admitted it…… “Marie, remember when Katie Holmes started dating Tom Cruise? She was in awe of him, she loved what he was about; money…glitz ….glamour….for heavens sake he was  her childhood crush and now she was in the spot light being envied by other woman, but after awhile his full crazy showed…….and now look at them”   why I brought up Crazy Cruise is beyond me but she saw my point.

“Marie, you have a man in your life (the new guy) who is giving you all that you ever wished “Corp” would. He’s romantic, thoughtful, giving, he is wonderful with your children and he is drama and chaos free, who cares if he doesn’t wear a suit and tie and makes bookoo bucks, this man adores you. He’s not some bipolar pizza delivery driver (no offense to delivery drivers I was trying to make a point) with no direction, he has his own business and gives back to the community……..in some ways he reminds me of Terry…..and you tossed him aside because your mom said he couldn’t provide for you the way you deserved….now here’s your chance to be with a man who is all about balance but for some reason you think you deserve chaos. You need to stop listening to your mother…..is SHE happy in her marriage? No. Would you be happy with Corp knowing full well that you are just a spot on his spreadsheet?? No….Will you grow to be ok with his anger and flirtatious ways or will it just feed your increasing insecurity? Is this the makings of a long and lasting love???? Uhmmmm NO”

I know I was being somewhat harsh, but sometimes tough love is needed. I remember those times when my Best Friend Jenny would give me those core shaking talks, but it was her honesty and hard cold truth that made me see the light and I love her for that!!

“You’re right” is all she said. I could hear the frustration in her voice. I know she’s conflicted……I just wish that she could see beyond the glitz and glamour that she so wants to be a part of. I feel bad for this new guy who has been waiting patiently for her while she has been playing ring around the rosy with her feelings for Corp……..but  because of certain actions on Maries part Corp won’t speak with her. “Marie, just remember how you felt when you and Joe were ending things and Corp was the “other” guy….it was hard for you to let Joe go to, but you did…..you need to realize that love may not come in a suit and tie, maybe it’s time for you to see how love without  jealousy and doubt feels like, maybe it’s time for your daughters to see their mom happy, maybe it’s time for a good male role model to be part of their life unlike Corp who never fit them into his”

Our conversation was cut short…..but I hope she heard me …REALLY heard me. I just wish she would stop listening to her mother and those high society “it’s all about money” friends……because this is reality not some Real Housewives of “Santa Barbara”.  I just want what’s best for my friend and that’s not Corp, she deserves a real genuine man.

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