Hilarious First Date Story

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Have you ever read something that was so funny that it left you in tears? I came across a story about a woman talking about a first date; what started off as a sweet and totally romantic evening turned into extreme horror…..it’s pretty much every girls nightmare. Flatulence.

Girls… we have all been there, we eat a little too much during dinner, we fall victim to sharing a desert with our date ( or partner), any stomach gurgles get ignored because you think you have plenty of time before you have to use the bathroom……and then it hits, normally when you are in a passionate embrace or sitting quietly in his car staring into each others eyes……..that sharp gas pain. Your eyes start scanning the proximity for a restroom, you start thinking of ways end the date without having to tell him the real reason why you need to cut the date short, beads of sweat start to form….he assumes the sudden glistening on your face is because of him not because you have a war brewing in your stomach.

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Take a moment and read The Fart That (almost) Altered My Destiny and then come back here!!

~you’re welcome~  ….take a breath, wipe those tears!!

It was worth it wasn’t it?? I bet you passed on that story to all your girlfriends and co-workers right?…if not don’t you think they deserve a bit of laughter?

Do you have any horrific dating stories? 

 

 

 

 

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He had me going all day~ Our One Year Anniversary

The hubby really had me going all day on Saturday, as I mentioned earlier he got me a package of toilet paper for our one year anniversary…..the man missed his calling, he should have been a comedian.

During the day he stayed in his PJ’s while watching college football, I did a few things around the house and read a book…..it was very relaxing, around four he looked over at me and said:

So what do you want to do for dinner….I wouldn’t mind having tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich?”

Seriously?? grilled cheese sandwich and soup?? I kept my frustration at bay…and remembered that we are going out of town in a few weeks to really celebrate our anniversary.

“Well, I thought we were going out to dinner….but if you would rather stay in we could”

“No, we can go out ….where do you want to go?”

“How about you choose, considering I always pick”

He got up off the couch, gave me a kiss and told me to be ready in a little bit.

I started curling my hair….. “I wonder where we are going, uhmm what should I wear?” I headed into the bedroom to ask him but noticed that he was sitting on the couch, still in his sweatpants and t-shirt watching football.

I didn’t say anything, I just came to terms with the fact that he really wanted to watch college football, so soup and grilled cheese would be on tonight’s menu.

5:20 pm 

I noticed the time and I was getting a little hungry…..the hubby stepped outside to have a smoke so I went into the kitchen and started frying up some bacon to put in his grilled cheese sandwich and placed the soup on the stove to warm up.

“What are you doing?”  he said.

“Making dinner….I just figured since you haven’t showered that you decided that we should just stay in”

“I told you we were leaving at six”

“Hmmmm, you never told me a time ….at four you said we would be leaving soon”

“We are leaving at six….so you may want to get ready” 

I finished up frying the bacon and then headed to the bathroom to freshen up, you know….make-up, hair, a spritz of pretty perfume. I still didn’t know where we were going so I was waiting to see what he was wearing before I changed.

He ended up wearing something other than jeans so I knew we weren’t headed to Chili’s so I put on something nice and gave the furkids a kiss good-bye.

Still being left in the dark regarding our destination, I figured from the direction we were heading that we were having dinner in Little Rock….which was a nice change. 35 minutes later we found ourselves trying to find a parking spot in downtown, I knew now that he was going to take me to one of my favorite restaurants, Ristorante Capeo….it’s a bit on the pricey end but it’s romantic and the food is divine.

“Ohhh no, I don’t think we will be able to get in without a reservation” I thought to myself. He opened the door of the restaurant and said;

“Are you surprised?”

“Yes…I am, but we may need a reservation”

“Honey, I made the reservation two weeks ago and made sure to get the little heart table in the corner..you know the one we sat at the first time we came. I told them it was our anniversary” 

He had this planned all along….the tomato soup/grilled cheese suggestion was just a rouse.

As we sat down at the table, I looked at him lovingly ….

“You’re such a romantic…I can’t believe you planned to take me here all along….what would of happened if I told you earlier that I wanted to go to Chili’s?”

“I would have told you that I didn’t want to go there” 

Our meal was scrumptious and the tiramisu that we shared was everything that I remembered, yummilicious!!! I got up to use the little girls room and when I made my way back to the table I noticed that he had gone outside to have a smoke, but on the table was a box wrapped in gold paper with a little red bow on top.

My heart melted….

I picked up the box and mouthed to him from the other side of the window

“Honey….really? oh my gosh…can I open it?”

“YES” he said with a smile.

I unwrapped the box, pulled out the little box from inside…..I opened it up and I didn’t know what to say…I was speechless. It was a beautiful diamond heart necklace.

“It’s beautiful…I love you” I mouthed to him …

“I love you too” 

Once he came back inside, I gave him a big kiss……

“Happy Anniversary Honey” he said.

“Happy Anniversary Dear….I love you”

What a year!!

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“Thank you honey for the beautiful flowers”  I said to my husband as I admired the vibrant pink and white lilies that were just placed on my desk.

“I didn’t send you any flowers, it must have been your boyfriend”

“Nice try, you’re the only one that calls me Darlin’” I said.

“ohhh shoot”

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I can’t believe that on Saturday we will be celebrating our one year anniversary; it still seems so surreal  that I am actually married to this man. Ten years ago when we went our separate ways, I would have never thought that this would be our story, that I would be his Mrs. to his Mr.

I have always known that my heart was his but I never thought in a million years that we would find our way back to one another, shit how could it be possible when I lived on the west coast and him, on the east coast? Yeah I’ve heard of those couples that actually have made it work but long distance relationships and I don’t work. We did keep in touch throughout the years and I tried everything possible to make him a mere memory because just hearing his voice made me melt all over again …not to mention bring back memories of those hot and steamy nights, but nothing I tried seemed to work.

“You knew this whole time ….. well played, well played” I whispered to the big man upstairs as I put on my wedding dress, “did I really have to go through all those disastrous relationships to get to this point, couldn’t I  just have bypassed all those unnecessary roadblocks a few years ago?”   of course, I didn’t need to hear the answer…..I knew. We both had to walk our own path and experience the good, the bad and the ugly just to finally realize what our hearts knew all along. The past ten years we built the first layer of our foundation which was friendship…we didn’t have to fluff up our lives to one another, we shared it all. There was never any judgment, I never heard “why did you marry that idiot?”, he just let me live my life ( he did tell me once we were married that he secretly wished that my marriage to Mr.Crazy would fall apart) as I let him live his…..secretly cringing when he would tell me about someone he was dating.

This past year was definitely an experience; it is true with what they say about the first year of marriage always being the toughest. I wouldn’t say it was hard….it was an adjustment, we had to learn to work as a team ….to rely on one another, to have faith in love and to say “I’m sorry” even if it meant that we would be eating crow for a day or two. I had to learn that just because we may have been not so nice to one another that he wasn’t going to leave, that he made a commitment to me and wasn’t going anywhere.

I love this man ….. I always have.

I can’t wait to see what this next year has in store for us!!

Behind closed doors ~ not an ordinary Saturday.

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It started off as  just an ordinary Saturday, I was doing laundry, the housekeeper was cleaning the kitchen and the hubby was outside catching up on college football on the laptop. We were just keeping busy and trying to stay out of the housekeepers way…..I noticed that the hubby went into our room and was fiddling around in the closet, I followed.

“Close the door” he said with a flirtatious smile.

I smiled back and shut the closet door. I knew just by the look he gave me that we were about to have some serious fun. He grabbed me and kissed me passionately…..who knew my sweatshirt and yoga pant get up had turned him on. He took a handful of my hair and pushed me down to my knees to meet the hardness that was yearning to escape from the confines of his jeans.

“My little whore wants some of that doesn’t she?”

I nodded…….I couldn’t resist. I took all of it. There is just something behind the way he commands me that makes me burn with a desire just to please him, but this experience was different. We had to remain quiet, we couldn’t ….well I couldn’t let out a cry of ecstasy when he would bite my neck or while his hands explored my body, I could only let out a whispered plea to give me what I longed for. “Please ….. please sir”

“Does my little naughty slut want to be *ucked?” ….. yes, I whispered.

He bent me over and gave me what I have been yearning for.

After our little romp in our closet we let out a little laugh…..he kissed my lips and said  “you’re naughty”.

I gave him an innocent flirty look and said “ohhh honey, I’m not the naughty one”.

Truth is, we both are….hahaha….. I love spontaneous moments like this. It certainly keeps things exciting in our marriage.

I thought the magic was in the Crisco~ my attempt to make Southern Fried Chicken

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Yesterday, I felt like Ceelia Foote from The Help when she was trying to make Southern Fried Chicken for her husband. See, I get my fried chicken from a box…..Churchs or KFC suits me just fine, but my Southern husband asked me a few weeks ago that he would love for me to learn how to make fried chicken.

So I gave it a shot……but any old recipe wouldn’t do, so I asked my friend Lisa if she had a Southern Fried Chicken recipe that would knock my husbands socks off!!  “Yes Ma’am” she said. She even said that her recipe was simple enough that even I could do it. After reviewing her recipe I noticed that Crisco was in order, uhmmmm Crisco……I had visions of myself standing in front of a cast iron skillet with a big glob of Crisco melting while I prepare to drop in the chicken to be fried.

(Crisco, check- flour,check-butter, check-chicken, check)

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imagesWell, to my surprise this recipe didn’t require a cast iron skillet or having to dodge splatters of hot Crisco, her recipe called for me to bake it……..but to put in a couple globs of Crisco and butter in the metal baking pan. I needed the “fat” to get all nice and hot before putting my chicken in its home for about an hour.  My only question was “if its baked how does it turned fried?” but I kept my question to myself, I wasn’t going to ask Miss Lisa some stupid question that she will only shake her head and think “Poor little California girl”. So, I just followed her recipe step by step …… somehow some way my chicken will be fried. The trick must be in the Crisco!!

(season the flour, flour the chicken, then put it in the pan–check,check,check)

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I waited the 25 minutes before I had to turn the chicken over, I didn’t peek because again I didn’t want to screw it up……but when the buzzer when off and I opened the oven, I didn’t see fried chicken. “Shit I screwed up” I grabbed a bowl, melted more crisco and butter in the microwave, removed the chicken….poured the melted “fat” concoction in the pan…..and placed the chicken back in. “This should fry it”.

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As the chicken was cooking, I started up the butter beans that my husband requested, along with some mashed potatoes. “Do you know how to make Sawmill gravy?” he asked. “sawmill what??” I asked.  He informed my nonsouthern self about this gravy and tried to explain how to prepare it. Sounded easy enough so I was going to try it.

Let me just say…… he never got his sawmill gravy, because I was just exhausted. I ended up pulling out a package of gravy mix and prepared that on the stove. I finished sprucing up the potatoes, poured the butter beans in a bowl and was about to pull out the chicken. *crossing my fingers* I said out loud “please oh please be fried”.

It wasn’t “fried”, I googled baked fried chicken……and then saw that what I was cooking was considered “Skinny fried chicken”….. “well, I think I blew the skinny out of it with all the crisco” I said to the furkids.

I plated the chicken…..and hoped that he wouldn’t be disappointed that it wasn’t FRIED CHICKEN, like he had wanted.

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Like the Southern gent that he is, he said the chicken was very good. “What’s wrong” he asked.  “I’m tired, this southern cooking wore me out!!! but I was hoping it was going to be FRIED….I thought the magic was in the crisco?”.

Dinner was very good though, but next time ….. I’m busting out the cast iron skillet, the tube of crisco and will attempt to make fried chicken!!

I became THAT woman ….without knowing it.

You know, THAT woman who doesn’t know anything about the finances because “her husband takes care of everything”. I used to cringe when I would hear stories of how  someone’s father passed away and now the mother was clueless about the finances.I even remember talking to my sister years ago and telling her that she needed to be “in the know” of her household, that she should know where the money was….just in case.

My husband and I have been having those “what happens if one of us dies” talks, these talks became more frequent since his friend suddenly passed away in a horrible accident, leaving his wife and son to handle things by themselves. “Jolene we should look into life insurance for you”, I would make a joke and say “planning on killing me off?” ….. just to lighten the conversation. I knew it was for burial expenses and whatever else……and it wasn’t like I was going to get a million dollar policy, something smaller.

Yesterday, I was talking to a Life Insurance Broker over the phone, we knew what we wanted but this lady was adamant with increasing the policy amount…..which ticks me off more than browsing Bath and body works and being bombarded with “can I help you? try this…..heres a coupon…are you looking for something special?” This is how the conversation was:

“Do you have a mortgage?”

“yes”

“How much do you have left on the house?”

“uhm, I don’t know” (shit Jolene why don’t you know this)

“Debt,credit cards?”

“yes”

“how much…ballpark”

“uhmm….I don’t know, $_____” (Jolene you just sound stupid)

“Does your husband have life insurance, if so how much is his policy”

“he does, but I don’t know” (she probably thinks I’m an idiot)

“Do you have stocks or bonds?”

“uhm I don’t know”  (Jolene, you’re an idiot…your clueless)

“How much does your husband make?”

“Why is this important?” (wanted to throw her off, because i didn’t know)

After a few pointless questions, she asked me about my health ….. which besides my aching knee; I’m in good health. I can afford to lose ten pounds but I’m working on it.

“Well, after my calculations I think you should purchase the $250,000 policy”

“uhm no, that’s not what my husband and I discussed”

“I was figuring the lack of your income,burial expense,the mortgage and other fore seen expenses”

“well, my husband was doing alright before my income he will be fine without it……and I don’t want some fancy casket or big hoopla after, shit I would be surprised if ten people showed up!!” I laughed. …she did to.

Her job was to sell……all she was doing was irritating me and making me realize that I became someone who I thought I would never be…. “A financially clueless wife”. Yes, I have enjoyed not having to stress out over bills, having to make sure things are being paid on time…..since I was 18 I’ve had to worry and stress and penny pinch. I had to carry the burden when ex-husband #2 continued to lose job after job …… it sucked. It is such a relief now to be married to  someone who is not only smart but financially smart.

When I got home I told my husband the conversation I had with the nosey insurance broker and how I felt like an idiot and  that I became someone who I thought I would never be. “I didn’t know these questions and I felt stupid….I knew she was thinking how can I possibly not know this, because I was thinking the same thing!!!”

“You’re right, you should know…..go grab a pen and paper” he said.

It was nice to be in the know of our household. We talked in detail where money should go if we were to pass on.  He told me how much he would give my kids (I even mentioned how I wanted my furkids to get $1000, hey Lily needs a dress once in a while)….I waited patiently to see how much he would like me to give his daughter and step-daughter from a previous marriage. He said “it’s your choice how much you want to give them, they probably wouldn’t even care if I died“.

I wanted to hug him……he was in his head, I knew he missed his daughter. I sat back and told him what I would say to them if they even dared to ask for their monetary amount that they thought was due to them.

“If you feel that you deserve something then let’s do it this way…..how about we figure in $1000 for every birthday you acknowledged, $1000 for every Fathers day you called and talked to him….how about random calls?? what about visits on Christmas or calls?……. hmmmm since I’ve been with your father you have done zero, no calls…no texts, no cards….so I think you owe me? why don’t you write a check in the amount of $_______ and send it to the D.V.A or Billy Graham or some other charity in your father’s name”. My husband grinned. He knew I would handle things just fine.

Soul Mates – is it just a bunch of bologna?

God created androgynous souls—equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or “separation from God.” Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.

~ Edgar Cayce

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As a young girl I based my whole existence on finding my knight in shiny armor/soul mate/ Prince Charming (I know pathetic) only to come to the realization in my early thirties that this whole Disneyland fantasy of finding my soul mate was just a bunch of bologna.

The topic of Soul Mates came up when I recently received a message from an old boyfriend of mine who came across my blog and said

I’m happy with Melinda and all and am grateful as you are that we have found our soul mates

I stopped, reread that sentence and rolled my eyes…… because I never claimed that my husband was my soul mate. I just don’t believe in soul mates. Then I recalled when MM and I were dating he referred to me as his “soul mate” this freaked me out more than the words “I love you” did and I told him that I wasn’t his soul mate. I soon learned that this was a total mood killer. He wasn’t the only one that threw out the “S” word………..I think some men thought by saying that I was their soul mate that I would melt and I succumb to his every desire…..but this was met with a look of “you got to be kidding, really??

I believe that there is that one person that you can totally click with, that you love with all your heart, that you could somehow tolerate his/her strange habits or silly routines. I believe in love, I believe in romance, I believe in passion but to roll it all up and label the person you’re married to or dating your “soul mate” is just setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I was in a serious relationship and thought “This is it!! he’s the one, I can feel it!! he’s my prince charming” only to find out later that he was nothing but a world-class jerk. I even went as far as proposing to a man to only have my heart seriously broken because he would rather pop pills,play Madden, text his old girlfriends “ya wanna make out” rather than making out with his fiance’  and fully realizing that he did have it all….until it was too late.

I asked several people their thoughts on the subject and the majority of them didn’t believe in soul mates.

I don’t believe in soul mates. I used to (mainly from watching too many chick flicks), but as I’ve aged I think that the concept, while lovely, is unrealistic. The Bloke is my best friend certainly, but I truly believe that if we lived in different cities and had never met we would be in equally fulfilling relationships with other people. There’s seven billion people on the planet and what I believe is that people are more compatible with some than others depending on their personalities and their interests~ Suzie

I do not believe in them.  I believe that there is enough differences in everyone that to be perfect soul mates does not exist.  I thought I could find the perfect one, but after looking for so many years I figured it did not exist.  Even after finding “The One” i found that we both had so many differences that something had to hold us together.  Had that little girl not been part of the equation, we would not be together. ~John

I hate to be the rotten tomato, but no, I don’t believe they exist.  I originally thought my current hubby was my soul mate, but I eventually realized that he’s only the exact opposite of my first husband.  It’s my opinion that there are certain people with whom we have more in common with, but even those relationships take work, and if you’re with that person long enough, you’ll eventually see that there are MAJOR differences with that person, too, that need to be worked out.  Not every day is pleasant and all sunshine and roses with ANYONE.  I feel like if there was a such thing as soul mates, that wouldn’t be the case. -Alicia

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We see those rare stories of couples that have been married for over fifty years, one of the spouses die and within the week the other spouse passes on to. The caption usually states “Wife/Husband dies of broken heart”. I admit I secretly wish to be THAT lucky but still that doesn’t mean they were “soul mates” destined by a greater power to walk the earth, life after life until they happen to find each other.

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I’m not sure if I believe in soul mates, I guess when Phil dies and I then I do soon after then I will truly know that he was my soul mate.  -Andrea

I have learned that there’s not one definitive soul mate out there. I think we fit a relationship to last, souls need to connect, but our souls can connect with many people, as humans are so dynamic ~ Dawn

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I love hearing the opinions of the young at heart, still open to the phrase “Love will conquer all”. My oldest daughter strongly believes that God will place “The ONE” in her path and she will know without a doubt when she meets him that this is the guy brought to her by God. I love her faith and belief that she doesn’t need to date a handful of guys because the first man she dates will be the one. I hope that this does happen for her. At the age of 22 I don’t want her to experience that dreadful feeling of “but I just thought……I knew God heard me, I believed….I had faith”.

I believe that you have a soul mate…cuz when you have a relationship where you just have that super strong connection, were you can’t live without them…you would DIE for that person because you love them so much. They are your best friend and your better half….I also believe you can have more than one. In those cases where you become a widow/widower you can meet a new love/soul mate. ~ Ann,19

Soul mates exist but for their relationship to last it has to be true love. Love is not a feeling it is an action of selflessness, always doing what is best for the other person. Two people with that kind of love striving/centered in God will last ~ Marie, 22

After speaking with my daughter Ann last night she asked  “Your husband is your soul mate right?” …. “No, Lily (my furgirl) is”. I knew she would get a kick out of that response. Yes, I was making light of the topic.  If I were to believe in the whole meaning of a soul mate then I think a soul mate doesn’t necessarily have to be your partner, maybe it could be your best friend who just gets you……..and why couldn’t it be Lily my furgirl?? hahaha…..granted my husband says animals have no souls….which only leads to a whole other disagreement…………Heck, hasn’t he ever seen “All dogs go to heaven?”

Where do you stand on Soul Mates? Do you believe or do you think it’s just something that has been exaggerated over time by romance novels and chick flick movies?

My trip to the “Toy” Store

Disclaimer : If you have a problem with any sort of talk about vibrators or visits to a “Toy” store then please read my other not so revealing posts. If you are my adult daughter then stop right here and don’t read on…………….remember, this is my blog and I write about anything my heart desires….and today my heart desired a trip to a “toy” store.

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“Hi!! If there is anything I can help you with just let me know” said a very cheerful woman behind the counter.  Knowing that I was on a time crunch I went up to the counter, told her that I was looking for the vibrators.  “Is this your first time here?” ….. I told her that it was and this news really excited her which excited me. “well let me show you around…..as you can see we have lingerie, costumes, gels, oils”  as she was giving me a little tour of this swanky little store I couldn’t believe it took me this long to stop in. This wasn’t your average raunchy toy store with the perve in the corner staring you up and down as he makes his way into one of those “private” rooms…..this place was quite welcoming. Then she took me to the corner of the store where a nice purple velvety curtain hung “and HERE are the toys”……was that a chorus of angels singing as the curtain parted?

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Now, this isn’t my first, second  or third trip to one of these establishments…..I have always believed that one should explore ones desires and if your partner is willing to partake in some fun then hey EVEN BETTER!!  Plus, I had been single for a long time and contrary to what the ex-husbands would like to think, I didn’t sleep around to the whorish level that they have assumed….why would I when just a couple of batteries, a multi-speed level toy can satisfy me just fine, sometimes more than an actual male.

Once behind the curtain of pleasure I scanned the shelves that held the key to some additional pleasure. Checking the time I knew I had to hurry…..so many choices so little time…….Little Miss Pleasant headed out so I could be left alone to browse the many choices that stood in front of me……geez I felt like Goldilocks!!!  “This one is WAY too small, this one only has one speed and this one is NOT powerful enough…hmmm this looks doable!”  …..  “How are you doing in here? Can I show you anything?” she proceeded to show me her favorites and sold me on a couple!!   I paid for my goodies and headed out the door with a black bag and a smile!!

I’m excited to show the hubby my new toys considering we have a few of our own that we enjoy from time to time. Before people start to wonder if there is trouble in paradise ……. the thing is I’m 39  (he’s 53) and I have always been very sexual, once or twice a week doesn’t cut it for me ….I get grouchy and very moody if I don’t have a decent orgasm. He knows this and granted sometimes he’s not in the mood or too busy to recognize my sexual needs …..I need to do something to calm this urge and looking elsewhere isn’t an option….unless that option is a battery operated device.

I know some men feel insulted when their woman brings a toy into the bedroom, the mister doesn’t…..he’s encouraged me and even has introduced me to some. I also know that some women may turn their noses up to the thought of such a thing………….all I can say is “don’t knock it until you try it” there are just certain things a man can’t do that a magical toy like those lined on the shelves can.

What’s more important a log splitter or a laptop??

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A few weeks ago, I approached my husband and asked if it would be ok if I used the credit card to purchase a new laptop.  I have been pricing them out for quite some time and I figured it was time to buy a newer one considering my laptops battery is as useless as a screen door on a submarine and he has been using my laptop to play solitaire so trying to write when I get that writing bug is nearly impossible and I’m not one to just say “uhmmm it’s my turn now, give it back!!”

Now, the laptop that I was thinking about getting was on sale for $300!!!  No big deal right? I guess I could have used my card but he likes to get the points when we use the main credit card…..anyways……so when I approached him with this idea I made a pretty good plea  but it was met with  “honey, we can’t afford to make any purchases right now on the card”. OK, I get it ……he’s been buying a lot of outside “toys” to maintain our yard, like a $1700 riding lawn mower and all the goodies that go along with that. So instead of a new laptop, I upgraded my Nook which is like a tablet and I love it…….side note: I didn’t use THE card, I used my money…..plus if I get antsy to write I will just write on my tablet.

images (1)The other day he “matter of factly” told me that he was going to buy a log splitter this week. I shrugged my shoulders and said ok…..but then I asked what a log splitter was…..seriously can’t you split a log with an ax and didn’t I just buy one for him a few weeks back? He went into detail about this woodsy contraption and then I asked. “So how much does this log splitter cost?”….. “ohhh about $300”. HOLD THE PHONE Paul Bunyan!!!  I am not sure if it was just the migraine talking or my lack of patience on this subject but I said “but just a couple weeks ago you said that we couldn’t afford for me to buy a lap top for that amount but we can afford a log splitter?”…..of course he had an explanation to why his purchase was  more valid than mine……he started off saying  “well, you just want a newer laptop; all you need is a new battery and it’s not like you can’t plug it in…..I don’t have a log splitter”.  That was his argument …….I told him Best Buy doesn’t sell those batteries anymore, that I would love to take my laptop to the park and write and yes I mentioned that he uses my laptop all the time. Now….I don’t mind him playing Solitaire or even being on it….I was just trying to make a point which when I am dealing with a mind-numbing migraine my point sucked!

Why does he need a log splitter anyways, it’s not like we live in a place where we really need to stock up on firewood…..we don’t live in Minnesota where it gets tons of snow in the winter…. He’s never used the fireplace in the last 4 years, plus it doesn’t work. So what’s with the urgency for all this firewood? I understand he is enjoying clearing the downed trees and mangled brush from a tornado that ravaged the town a couple years ago but how is that beautifying OUR yard? it’s not….he’s clearing the brush behind our fence.

I guess what annoys me the most is  instead of telling me from the get go “No I don’t think a new laptop is a good idea” he told me that we couldn’t afford it….but I knew something like this was going to come up anyways. If it was a purchase for some new motorcycle gear or some outdoor equipment that can cut off a limb I knew eventually we would have a discussion why his toy is more important than mine…..well mine wouldn’t leave me fingerless or in the emergency room!!      See, I should have said that!!

The way he proposed…..his version and mine!

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Last week when I wrote my bucket list, one was to be proposed to in a unique way. I was able to cross this off on September 28, 2012. “How did he propose?” Suzie81 asked.  So Suzie….(it’s alright if I call you Suzie and drop the 81 right?) and the rest of you romantics or unromantics this is for you.

This is his version of our proposal:

I had no idea how I was gonna propose. Jolene was at work and after seeing Lily (Jolene’s precious little dog) carrying around a tennis ball all day I thought I’d teach her to carry the ring box and have her take it to Jolene….very cool, huh?  Lily was having none of it…. what to do?

So I’m talking to Momma before Jolene and I were supposed to meet up with a couple of my friends for my birthday supper, I gave the phone to Jolene so they could chat a bit and then had an idea (yeah I know, I’m not supposed to do that!). I asked Jolene for the phone back real quick and went to another room and asked Momma to ask Jolene, “will you be my daughter-in-law?” she said sure, so I gave the phone back to Jolene, they’re on speaker and Momma asks her, Jolene, will you be Bobby’s daughter-in-law?” I’m cracking up, Momma’s apologizing and sayin’ “I got that all wrong”, Jolene’s confused and has no idea what we’re trying to do  so, I just pull the ring out of my pocket, slide it on her finger and watch her start boo-hooin’ and laughin’ and telling Momma I just gave her the ring.
It was a hoot, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, I sure love my best friend.
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This is Momma, she’s ninety and is struggling with Alzheimer’s
Now, here’s my version :

I would have never expected Bobby to propose to me that night, we talked about getting married and I knew that getting engaged would eventually happen but never did I expect it to happen on his birthday.

Bobby was off talking to Momma and I was sitting on the couch playing with the furkids when he came out and said that Momma wanted to talk to me…..Now, to be honest I did think it was strange that he took his phone into the bathroom because he never does this. I thought maybe he knew the time crunch that we were on so he would kill two birds with one stone and get ready while talking to his mom…..heck I do it……ohhhh and if I am being honest here, I did try to hear the conversation through the door…..because the door was shut……and when the door is shut something is normally up…..and like I have already divulged in a previous post, I like to eavesdrop!!

Bobby hands me the phone  and Momma said she had a question to ask me, “of course Momma you can ask me anything” I said. She then asked ever so sweetly if I would like to be Bobby’s daughter in law, she paused for a few seconds and apologized for messing up. I knew exactly what she meant and said “Momma, you didn’t mess anything up I know what you meant and of course I would love to be Bobby’s wife”, just then Bobby took my hand and placed the most beautiful diamond ring on my finger.  As this was happening, Momma was still apologizing for not getting it right and I was crying and laughing at all that had just happened. ………..and of course I said YES!!!

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The moment was just perfect I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. God certainly had a plan for us and during the last ten years not only did our friendship and respect for one another get stronger, we were able to see one another grow into the people that we are today.

And SPEAKING of tens years ……. yesterday we celebrated our one year, no not our wedding anniversary. It’s been one year since we decided to see if that spark was still there and met up in Santa Barbara, California. Let me just say this …….that spark was still there and it still is!!

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This was just something I put together after our little trip