Meet little Miss Attitude

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One of our furkids, Sami (one of our cats) has a serious problem…..she’s beyond moody and it has nothing to do with this dreaded time change. Ever since Miss Penny strolled up our driveway and into our lives Sami has had one huge  chip on her shoulder. Understandably so, I get it….but it’s been close to two months now and you would THINK she would see that she is still the numero uno kitty in the house. She gets her favorite kitty food at the drop of a “meow” , she gets to stay out all day and roam the woods when the weather permits and Dart cuddles with her regardless of her attitude.

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Pre-Penny she was just your average kitty who thought she was a dog, she seldom was in a bad mood…..now Post-Penny if  you look at her wrong, get in her way, not let her out the instant she meows, or Penny decides to piss her off she lets everyone know that she’s not happy by letting out a high-pitched meow. It almost reminds me of my kids when they were teenagers…maybe I’m onto something!! Sami does come home around noon….eats and then heads back out to hang with the neighborhood kitty posse until it’s time for her dinner.

When she’s in one of her moods (which is daily) I will pick her up and love her ….. the whole time she’s singing her tune of annoyance. Once I put her down her buddy Dart will chase her around a bit, they will play for several minutes until one of them tuckers out. Penny has attempted to play with Sami and at times they do chase each other around the house…..as my husband and I laugh and think all is well now, it’s at that moment we hear them fighting in another room and “Sheriff” Dart runs into the room to break up the fuss with a few barks.

I hope this is just some “teenage” kitty phase because her attitude is wearing on me…hahaha. I love her regardless and I know she loves us to because at night she will crawl up beside me and fall asleep.

hmmm… I wonder if there is a book out there on “How to deal with your moody cat”.

YEP!! you have it ALL under control

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“I have everything under control” he said.

“We are on top of things” he said.

“My wife will make sure he does his homework” he said.

These were the spoken words of my first husband, “His Royal Highness” who wanted to pacify me into believing that he could do a better job at keeping our sons grade afloat then myself.

Silently, I stood back watching my sons grades slip farther and farther down into the land of F’s. A couple months ago, I sent a quick text to my ex stating that our son was failing one of his subjects. “I know, I got it covered….he’s going to tutoring” he messaged back.

Normally, (before I moved) I would have emailed all his teachers to find out what my sons problem was. Was he distracted? was there a girl? did he not understand the new lesson? nine times out of ten we figured it out and my sons grades climbed back up……yes, there was resistance on his part but his grades and future are important to me.

I knew that around the end of October his grades would suffer a little due to a yearly haunted house that he would take part in (and also with football)…..every year it’s the same and no amount of arguing and threatening that he will not take part in the haunted house if his grades don’t improve just gets overruled by “His Royal Highness”.  Sooooo, I didn’t look at his grades online until …. yesterday, I wanted to give my son the benefit of the doubt and I was hoping that my ex (for once) would really have it under control, well I was wrong……so wrong.

I stared at my laptop in disbelief ….. how in the world could he be failing two classes and almost failing in another?  I clicked into one of his failing classes for more detail  to only see that he hadn’t turned in ONE classwork/homework assignment since late September and the other class showed big fat zeros in the last four assignments posted. Frustration spread throughout.  Then I remembered the words from my ex-husband “He needs stability in his life and going back and forth from home to home is just causing him too much stress, let’s see if this will help his grades improve”. This was bogus, just because I was at the time, single and the only instability in my life was the constant reminder of Mr.Crazy (his friend) he thought THIS was my sons problem…..NO it wasn’t, because like I mentioned and showed him on a very detailed excel spreadsheet that on the days my son is with him no assignments were never turned in or he failed his test because he didn’t study the night before.  BUT…because he was adamant that his TECHNIQUE would work I decided to see how well his new form of dictatorship would go down.   Unfortunately, his technique sucked the big one because my son was taken out of his classes and thrown into independent study. At that time, I had only wished my son wasn’t afraid to have told his father that he wanted to live with me because the schools out here are so much better ….I know for a fact we (he) wouldn’t be having this issue….now.

I did speak to my son last night to find out what was going on with his grades, we had a lengthy conversation about his future….of course I heard his reasons why he wasn’t completing his assignments but he promised me that now that football was over he won’t have any reason not to complete his assignments.

Meanwhile…….I didn’t know my daughter Ann was chatting with her stepmom regarding my son’s (her brother) grades.  According to my daughter the stepmom stated that my son has been acting like an ass to everyone, has been consumed with his girlfriend and made her (stepmom) cry a few times. Well, it all seemed too familiar from last year when he started to snap at me but of course his father only puffed up my sons feathers and never scolded him for disrespecting me….it was more “he needs stability in his life”……ok, so what’s his excuse now???  The stepmom stated that he had better improve his grades by December 6th or else…….no sports, no contact with his girlfriend and whatever else they will (NEVER) enforce.

Ann and I both found this quite entertaining because if I was still there my son would have never gone to Knotts with his father or would be going to Magic Mountain with his girlfriend next week……my son would be spending all of Thanksgiving vacation making up all his missing assignments and any extra credit work that I was able to convince his teachers to give him………….like I have in the past!!

Ann knows this to be true considering I had to do this with her from time to time…..especially at the end of her senior year!!

“Mom, I can’t believe that he isn’t grounded….I got grounded for just getting a D. I had everything taken away from me..phone…computer…I had to come straight home, I HAD NO LIFE” I heard her frustration loud and clear.  “Well, you know your dad and his TECHNIQUE….you would think with him being a “teacher” he would help your brother out of this slump” we both broke out into a fit of laughter.

It frustrates me not to have the control that I use to. Just seeing him huff and puff when I told him that I knew about his assignments that are due and that I would like to see them once completed was simply entertaining….but I knew I was doing my part as a parent. My ex’s philosophy is that my son is old enough that I shouldn’t have to be on him constantly, that it is HIS choice if he wants to fail….. (HRH said this about our daughter, Ann as well) …..My thought was that it is OUR responsibility as parents to make sure that our kids graduate and if we have to ride them every flipping day then so be it. Yes, it’s exhausting having to email the teachers weekly, to call them if need be……to beg for makeup work or at least ½ credit when a late assignment is turned in, but again……that’s our job!!

~ screw it…I don’t care if I am in another state; it’s time for me to email some teachers!!!

 

Quick follow up :

I emailed his teachers and pretty much found out that he can’t make up his assignments…well he can but he won’t get any credit for it because of how late they are.

I emailed his father and informed him of what I found out, his response was short …..

It doesn’t matter if his girlfriend is in the picture or not. He is doing what he does best and that’s get lazy. He understands the consequences if he blows it. He wants his girlfriend to go with us when we go Christmas caroling this year; however, he won’t be bringing her if he doesn’t get C’s or better. He already spoke with his stepmom. Not to mention the fact that he has to stay eligible for athletics. He’ll get it together or he will pay the consequences like Ann almost did!

His last sentence almost made me send him a little note but I refrained …..

But I would have said something like this :

Ann graduated her senior year because she had everything taken away from her, I emailed her teachers weekly…begged them to give her extra credit and allow her to turn in missing assignments. Do I have to remind you that you kicked her out of your home and told her that she was a bad influence for your children? I not only had to pick her up emotionally but also had to find a way to have her see that her distraction was nothing but a loser who had nothing better to do then pick up seventeen year olds on the internet!! Thankfully she found her way and did graduate………….but that wasn’t your doing.

“I’ll show you” …from average teen to wild child

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A brat? Yes….rebellious I wasn’t but I wanted to make a point. The point being that mommy and daddy dearest needed loosen their parental reins just a bit  and if they were going to categorize me as a “partier, alcoholic and a wild child” then why not just jump right into what they thought me to be. Right??  Now, I assume they got this stupid assumption of me when I was 15, my room covered in NKOTB posters and from time to time I listened to INXS and Guns and Roses.

Now…..I was still that silly teenage girl who cried at the drop of a hat when she saw Joey,Donnie,Danny,Jordan and John  on T.V but I guess because I also listened to the hair /rockish type of bands I was now in their heads, out of control “ wild child” and I do remember the first time that I came home from hanging out with friends and told to come straight to my father’s room to “have a talk” next thing I know he’s giving me a sobriety test. Ok, I wasn’t the type to hit their bar cabinet and drink some vodka and fill it up with water….I may have taken a few sips of a wine cooler but back in the day I thought that  was daring. It wasn’t until after the uncalled sobriety test and lecture that I thought “heck I must be missing out”; there was nothing that I could do to prove to my parents that I wasn’t what they thought me to be. I had already been thrown into the “bad child” category a long time ago.

It was sophomore year and my best friend and I were just at our wits end with our parents. Of course “they didn’t understand” or wanted to understand what we were going through. I guess that’s why Jenny and I gravitated towards one another just because our parents refused to let us have some sort of life….a teenage life, but her and I had that LABEL of “bad child”.  Due to this label bestowed on us we jumped right in….we started to ditch school and sneak out of the house to discover what we were being held captive of. Most of the time we snuck over to each other’s homes and watched VHS movies or episodes of Jerry Springer….nothing too wild and crazy. This was our way of “showing them”…..but in “showing them” our grades dropped and notices came home and of course our parents “talked” and realized that we had been ditching classes. So the call was made and Jenny and I were no longer  to have the same class schedules or hang out together.

We weren’t going to HAVE that and we were really going to SHOW them!!  So around midnight I jumped the back fence and met up with Jenny and her boyfriend. We all stayed in a hotel room just going over “our plan” for this new independence. In a way I think we wanted our parents to “see what they were missing” to come together and realize that we weren’t BAD we just wanted this label to be taken off and their actions led us to where we were at…..which was in a seedy motel room. Morning came and I knew by this time my father would have had reported to his cop friends that his daughter and friend went missing, I could only imagine my mother just putting on this crying act for everyone to see “ohhhh how could the Lord do this to me?” She always blamed the Lord for any hardship done to her…..including my pregnancy (but that’s another story).

For a couple of days we just roamed our local streets, the Laundromat being our safe haven. We would just sit and think about what we had done and what we were going to do. We decided later that evening to call the Runaway hotline and get some advice and as we were dialing the number we heard “Hey girls!” As we turned around we noticed it was her father. He didn’t seem all that upset, unlike the wrath that was to come when I got home. He reached for his brick sized phone and called Jenny’s mom (they were separated). At this time her mother and step father were at my home and from what we were told my mother let out a huge cry “we found them we found them!!” Hmmmm no you didn’t Jenny’s dad found us, I thought. He then told them that he was going to take us out to eat but that was quickly changed and we had to come home ASAP. Her father shrugged and said a few words to us but I don’t recall it being a lecture, if I remember right he seemed to understand our rebellious act.

As we entered the house we were told to go directly to the table where there was a plate of bread and two glasses of water. “wow” ok…..my dad was REALLY playing his role as cop!! Did this scare us? No I remember us talking about this later on and thinking it was hilarious. We sat through their lecture, accusations, name calling and sentence …Jenny was told that she was going to go live with her father in Los Angeles and I was grounded for eternity which was nothing different from before. The following week I was taken to a gynecologist to make sure that I was still a virgin…..and then later to a therapist who spent the following hour calling me a whore and a nuisance to society.

I often ask myself if I had to do it all over again would I? Probably not because it didn’t change my parents perception of me. Nothing I could have done before my adventure or after would make them see me the way they saw my sister. She was the IT child, not me. …..and it took me until my late 30’s to realize that I need to stop trying to seek acknowledgement from my parents.  What I learned from all this though was that  I would not label my children in any negative way…… “Troubled”, “bad child”, “waste of a human”, are titles that should never be bestowed on a child.

I have kept my word and although THEY have come to me on many occasions and asked “I’m your favorite huh?”….I smile and say “You are my favorite son (only have one), You are my favorite 19 year old girl, You are my favorite 21 year old!!” ……. They all have great qualities about them; yes we have had our ups and downs but who doesn’t?  It’s just how we come out of it that makes our relationship stronger.