Not even icy roads can keep me from chocolate!

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I kept peeking out the window in hopes that all the ice that covered the street had miraculously melted during the time that I was in the shower. No such luck, my craving for brownies was beginning to frustrate me. It wasn’t so much the brownie itself that I needed….I needed that yummy chocolate batter. This was as close to any sexual frustration that I have ever felt but there was no toy, no chocolate substitution that could take this edge off but that dang Pillsbury Funfetti Brownie mix.

I had an idea ….

I cornered my hubby in the hallway and gave him one of my flirtatious  “I have a proposition for you” looks.

“Soooo, I was wondering something”  smiling as I twirled a strand of my hair.

“Yesssss” he said.

“If you take me to the store to buy brownie mix I’d make it worth your while later” as I brushed my hand  against his cock.  “You don’t even have to change, I just need you to drive me …. the roads are too icy for me to drive”.    He laughed and headed to the garage, next thing I heard was him start up the car.

Who knew it could be that easy…..but he wins either way, he gets brownies and a little somethin somethin later on!!

So, yes……. I made brownies, thanks to my hubby who maneuvered his way through icy side streets to get me to the store. I also think he knew I was getting a bit stir crazy and needed to get out even if it was just for twenty minutes.

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And yes……I licked that spoon clean, along with any chocolatey goodness that was left in the bowl.

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Ms. Lola I can’t thank you enough!!!

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I was so thrilled to get the “Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award” by Lola over at Dating Dramas of a Thirty something!!  For those of you that haven’t wandered over to her site you must do it now…..she’s not the “girl next door” she’s so much more!!  I can relate to her on so many levels, from dating disasters to dating triumphs-financial struggles-mother issues-the desire for hot steamy sex…….to …..well, go check her out yourself I swear you won’t be disappointed!!

With every award there are some rules to follow. First….the questions.

  1. Your favorite color : It’s purple
  2. Your favorite animal : (dogs) well hands down are my furkids but you can’t say the D (dog) word around them or refer to them as animals. They seriously get their feelings hurt…..no joke, Lily will give you THE LOOK and refuse to give you kisses and Dart will pretend he didn’t hear it.  ohhhh wait, I do LOVE penguins!!!
  3. Your favorite non-alcoholic drink: well…..uhmmm…shit, I was going to say Bailey’s and Hot Coco, given it’s Christmas time….but Baileys is alcohol…..shhhh….ok……I guess I will say Dr.Pepper.
  4. Facebook or Twitter: both
  5. Your favorite pattern: Argyle (looking down at my purple/gray/black argyle sweater)
  6. Do you prefer getting or giving presents:  I love giving presents !!
  7. Your favorite number: 226
  8. Your favorite day of the week: Saturday
  9. Your favorite flower: Lillies
  10. What is your passion? : well I’m very passionate when it comes to keeping my marriage hot…..naughty/dirty the better!

now I am required to nominate 10-12  6 other blogs……so here you go!!!

Girl, Intoxicated

Fascinations of a Vanilla Housewife

Suzie81 Blog

Lisa Johnson Sawyer

1 year of Single 

Not so Sex in the City

Behind closed doors ~ not an ordinary Saturday.

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It started off as  just an ordinary Saturday, I was doing laundry, the housekeeper was cleaning the kitchen and the hubby was outside catching up on college football on the laptop. We were just keeping busy and trying to stay out of the housekeepers way…..I noticed that the hubby went into our room and was fiddling around in the closet, I followed.

“Close the door” he said with a flirtatious smile.

I smiled back and shut the closet door. I knew just by the look he gave me that we were about to have some serious fun. He grabbed me and kissed me passionately…..who knew my sweatshirt and yoga pant get up had turned him on. He took a handful of my hair and pushed me down to my knees to meet the hardness that was yearning to escape from the confines of his jeans.

“My little whore wants some of that doesn’t she?”

I nodded…….I couldn’t resist. I took all of it. There is just something behind the way he commands me that makes me burn with a desire just to please him, but this experience was different. We had to remain quiet, we couldn’t ….well I couldn’t let out a cry of ecstasy when he would bite my neck or while his hands explored my body, I could only let out a whispered plea to give me what I longed for. “Please ….. please sir”

“Does my little naughty slut want to be *ucked?” ….. yes, I whispered.

He bent me over and gave me what I have been yearning for.

After our little romp in our closet we let out a little laugh…..he kissed my lips and said  “you’re naughty”.

I gave him an innocent flirty look and said “ohhh honey, I’m not the naughty one”.

Truth is, we both are….hahaha….. I love spontaneous moments like this. It certainly keeps things exciting in our marriage.

Would you pay to be cuddled?

Well, if you answered yes to this then there is a place in Madison, Wisconsin that you can go to have someone hold you. Here’s the kicker…the price for your cuddle session ranges from $60 an hour for a single hug, $120 for a double hug (whatever that is, maybe you’re sandwiched in between two bodies…kinda like an innocent form of a threesome) and over $400 to be cuddled by a complete stranger overnight.

An article came out about this Cuddles R Us and  I was curious, who were these high paying huggers? I went to their site…. The Snuggle House and I noticed that these huggers are quite attractive……well, besides the man who looks like a well maintained hippie. I can see how this could possibly attract some perve or those that have a hard time finding a cuddle partner of their own.

I understand their touch therapy method but I can go to a massage therapist and get the same results without the personal closeness of a stranger. I just find this concept quite strange…….because I know when I cuddle with my husband I feel a closeness to him, I want more………..and even before I was with my husband and was submerged in the whole dating scene, there were times that “we can just cuddle” led to more.

Maybe the Snuggle House is legit …. maybe they have  video cameras in each room and a panic button just in case a client takes the cuddle session too far but whose to say there aren’t copy cat snuggle houses that well……offer more than “just cuddling”.

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I love when he takes control

This morning while I was getting ready for work , I saw that one of my favorite episodes of Sex and The City was on; “The Catch”. What caught my eye was when Carrie had a “sex sprain” due to her horrible sexcapade with “Thumper” otherwise known as Harry’s bestman.

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I had to laugh because it just brought back memories of the horrible bedroom moments that I have had with the men from my past. I’ve had my very own experience with a man who I can only describe his love making as  jack hammer sex. It’s not fun….it was actually on the lines of pathetic; lions in the African jungle have more pizzazz with their mate.  I should have said “adios” to this man after the first experience, but I felt he could be taught. He couldn’t.

Then there was the forty year old who was proud of his assets (beer belly included)…..If you aren’t Magic Mike there is no need to stand there naked and swing something that ….well isn’t long enough to swing. In my opinion, the man who did this looked like an idiot and I lost all interest.  Plus if you are going Magic Mike me….one word, Manscape!!

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Mr. “Want to Please” was all talk, he didn’t want to please me the way I wanted, he didn’t even want to take helpful hints. Come to think about it the mere mention of what I liked just made him turn all prim and proper… “You’re a lady and I won’t do that” he’d often say. He was anti naughty play …anti everything fun ….. he was a fuddy duddy, total bore.

I guess the bar was set high when I first dated my husband ten years ago because after we parted I just wanted that same experience, I longed for it…..I yearned for it. I am very thankful that the years of disappointing sex was put to an end when we reunited last year…..because trying to tell men what I enjoyed or even a way around a womans body just grew tiring. I shouldn’t have to teach a grown man ….. I shouldn’t have to explain that you don’t fondle me or women (in general) like you would a carburetor….and if you are not so well endowed than that’s not my fault, grab some magazines and teach yourself how to use what your momma gave you.

I thank my lucky stars that my husband and I came to our senses……because when I say “spank me harder” he does as I ask. I never hear “I won’t do that, you’re a lady”….because in the bedroom I’m his little whore. He knows just by looking into my eyes exactly when I am about to reach the ultimate point of pleasure….and just with a bit of pressure around the neck, it will send me right on over the edge. He takes control and I love it………….no man in my past has ever had the balls enough to take control….full control.

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~ don’t get me wrong, he hands over the reins sometimes and gives me full control and I LOVE IT!!

Evolution of Hanky Panky

Thought I would share this fun post with those that may have missed it …..

Valley Girl Gone Country

This morning a fax was going around the office and I thought I would share it with all you lovely people.

The Evolution of Sex

–        The first is Smurf Sex .This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you are blue in the face.

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–        The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

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–        The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

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–        The fourth Kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Fuck you!”

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–        There is also a fifth kind of Sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

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Now, I…

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My trip to the “Toy” Store

Disclaimer : If you have a problem with any sort of talk about vibrators or visits to a “Toy” store then please read my other not so revealing posts. If you are my adult daughter then stop right here and don’t read on…………….remember, this is my blog and I write about anything my heart desires….and today my heart desired a trip to a “toy” store.

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“Hi!! If there is anything I can help you with just let me know” said a very cheerful woman behind the counter.  Knowing that I was on a time crunch I went up to the counter, told her that I was looking for the vibrators.  “Is this your first time here?” ….. I told her that it was and this news really excited her which excited me. “well let me show you around…..as you can see we have lingerie, costumes, gels, oils”  as she was giving me a little tour of this swanky little store I couldn’t believe it took me this long to stop in. This wasn’t your average raunchy toy store with the perve in the corner staring you up and down as he makes his way into one of those “private” rooms…..this place was quite welcoming. Then she took me to the corner of the store where a nice purple velvety curtain hung “and HERE are the toys”……was that a chorus of angels singing as the curtain parted?

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Now, this isn’t my first, second  or third trip to one of these establishments…..I have always believed that one should explore ones desires and if your partner is willing to partake in some fun then hey EVEN BETTER!!  Plus, I had been single for a long time and contrary to what the ex-husbands would like to think, I didn’t sleep around to the whorish level that they have assumed….why would I when just a couple of batteries, a multi-speed level toy can satisfy me just fine, sometimes more than an actual male.

Once behind the curtain of pleasure I scanned the shelves that held the key to some additional pleasure. Checking the time I knew I had to hurry…..so many choices so little time…….Little Miss Pleasant headed out so I could be left alone to browse the many choices that stood in front of me……geez I felt like Goldilocks!!!  “This one is WAY too small, this one only has one speed and this one is NOT powerful enough…hmmm this looks doable!”  …..  “How are you doing in here? Can I show you anything?” she proceeded to show me her favorites and sold me on a couple!!   I paid for my goodies and headed out the door with a black bag and a smile!!

I’m excited to show the hubby my new toys considering we have a few of our own that we enjoy from time to time. Before people start to wonder if there is trouble in paradise ……. the thing is I’m 39  (he’s 53) and I have always been very sexual, once or twice a week doesn’t cut it for me ….I get grouchy and very moody if I don’t have a decent orgasm. He knows this and granted sometimes he’s not in the mood or too busy to recognize my sexual needs …..I need to do something to calm this urge and looking elsewhere isn’t an option….unless that option is a battery operated device.

I know some men feel insulted when their woman brings a toy into the bedroom, the mister doesn’t…..he’s encouraged me and even has introduced me to some. I also know that some women may turn their noses up to the thought of such a thing………….all I can say is “don’t knock it until you try it” there are just certain things a man can’t do that a magical toy like those lined on the shelves can.

Eavesdropping is soooo much fun!!

My husband and I had lunch at this cute little café out in the middle of some old country town on Saturday, while reading over the menu I noticed two women to my right having a really intense conversation.  “When I asked him to do me right on the lawnmower he looked at me as though I had two heads and a wart on my nose”. WHAT?? I stopped reading the menu and started to pay attention .There are two things that I enjoy …..people watching and eavesdropping.  “I just don’t get it, I’m tired of being denied sex when I ask for it….every time I ask he looks repulsed but then he will come to me in a day or two ON HIS TIME and want sex, as much as I want to deny him I’m so gosh darn horny I just give in” the brunette said sounding defeated….. “Uhm maybe he likes being the dominate one?” her friend asked.

Boy did I miss  having these types of conversations with my girlfriends!!!…..”Honey do you know what you want?”…I didn’t notice the waitress standing by the table waiting to take my order; I quickly ordered a cheeseburger, no onions and sent the girl on her way…..I had a conversation to get back into….my husband was too busy checking baseball stats to realize what I was doing.

“That doesn’t give him the right to look at me as though I’m some alien from another planet, maybe he didn’t want to have sex on the lawnmower, but he’s had sex in other bizarre places so the riding lawnmower isn’t a far stretch from what he’s used to. I’m done askin though….it hurts too much when he denies me. I’m just horny as all get out it’s been over a week”.  I so wanted to move my seat over to their table to chime in….I could use a dose of girl talk!! The blonde took a sip of her soda “well girl, Jim and I haven’t had sex for over a month!!! We don’t even make out or French kiss do you guys still kiss?” the brunette took a bite of her salad and nodded “yeah we still kiss ….but when we start kissing KISSIN it always leads to sex so we don’t have just random kissing”

A month!! I think I would go totally crazy if we didn’t have sex for a month……  “Honey what do you think?”…..ohhhh crap I was so engrossed with the two girls that I didn’t know that he was talking….. “Think about what, sorry”. He wanted to know what route we should take back home  seriously I had no clue where we were at so I just told him to surprise me. He caught on pretty quickly that I was in the middle of a conversation already…one that I wasn’t invited to…I tried to tell him what was going on with a whisper but by the time we finished talking about routes and eavesdropping the women paid their bill and were heading out the door.

I felt a bit disappointed by their departure, I didn’t know these women but this was a topic that was up my alley. …..So while eating my juicy burger I texted Jenny and my sister and asked them if they still have make out sessions with their husbands. They both said sometimes but nine times out of ten it always lead to sex. “I miss the hot make out sessions we use to have, what about you?” Jennys texted. I told her that we still kiss….and mentioned to her that the other night when we watched two John Wayne movies (not the war flicks those put me to sleep)  I had made a comment about the cheesy overly dramatic Hollywood kisses then while we were taking a brief snack break he grabbed me and planted a good old cheesy Hollywood kiss of his own. Which only left me in a fit of giggles …….but no matter how silly that was it still left me a little hot and bothered!!

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I wonder how many couples out there who have been together for a significant amount of time still find themselves in the arms of their spouse having steamy Hollywood make out sessions??  or does the steam just fade away after time?

“Sis, I asked if he ever thought about a threesome and it totally back fired on me”

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My sister was obviously upset about the repercussions of her question to her husband but I wasn’t sure to either laugh or buy a ticket to Illinois to lay into my brother-in-law  but I was quite amused by the start of this conversation because this isn’t something I would have ever thought would  come out of my sister’s mouth…..my mouth, yes…..hers no.

“OK… calm down…start all over….you asked him WHAT?”

“So the boys are with mom and dad for a week and I’ve been home alone watching shows other than Dora the Explorer, like morning talk shows….reality shows and listening to Ryan’s Roses…..I know I shouldn’t be listening to his show because it always plays with my head but I just had to…but the caller started talking about a threesome and I don’t know what possessed me but I asked Mike what he thought about them ”

If you don’t know what Ryan’s Roses is, it’s done by Ryan Seacrest on 102.7 in the mornings on his morning radio show. Callers write in who suspect their significant other may be cheating on them…..Patty then calls the significant other and offers them a free dozen roses….the catch is to see what the person writes on the card and who he/she sends them to…..8 out of 10 times it’s to someone other than the worried party and with both on the line shit hits the fan. It’s a total train wreck.

“Ok, so let me get this straight…..you just asked him flat-out what he thought about threesomes?”

“Yes and he was appaulled that I would even bring that subject up…… but  then he came home from work and told me that we needed to talk…… he started to accuse me of cheating on him because why else would I ask him about threesomes if I wasn’t already thinking of it and that  I must have someone on the side……I tried to tell him that it was just a question, it really got blown out of proportion Jolene, I started crying and then he got upset with me for crying. Now things are really strange between us….he’s distant.”

I felt bad for my sister, how dare Michael jump to such an asinine conclusion ….this is MY SISTER!!

“So you guys never talked about stuff like this before…..threesomes,fantasies, toys…other bedroom stuff?”

“No we don’t talk about stuff like THAT”

I was a little confused…..why hadn’t they?? In the last ten years they never thought to bring up things that may improve or spice up their sex life…….I’m not talking about venturing into having a threesome….but other stuff…..a little spanking never hurt anyone.

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“Well sis, it’s not like talking about that will send you to hell, it’s healthy to talk about what might spice up things in the bedroom with your husband. First, he shouldn’t have jumped the gun and maybe he’s been talking to Chris who is going through a divorce because his wife cheated on him…….his thoughts and experience are probably influencing Mikes quick assumption to think that you have all of a sudden jumped on the kinky train (I swear his Pollock shows sometimes), secondly there is NOTHING wrong with asking him a question like that for Christ sake you have been married for ten years….this question should have came up…..maybe he ventured into that area before you …who knows…I’m not afraid to ask my hubby things. Let me ask you a question seeing that you guys don’t talk about the bedroom stuff how’s your sex life, is it dry or is it hot and steamy?”

I’m really upfront with my sister, always have been. There isn’t any need for me to beat around the bush.

“Well, it’s kind of dry…..we don’t talk about fantasies or things like that”

I ended up telling my sister that she really needed to sit down and talk to her husband tonight, clear the air and help him understand that it was just a question and that she shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable bringing up  things pertaining to sex,  that  she desires only him but maybe talking about each other fantasies may very well bring some  much needed heat back into the bedroom….heck bring in a toy or two….tie that Bear fan up and smack him on the ass a few times…..hahahah…..all joking aside I think I comforted my sister a little. I hope he at least listens to her ……..

(I did get my sisters permission to write about this)

How open are you to your spouse or partner? Is bedroom talk excluded from your relationship? Do you believe that talking about your desires and fantasies help keep the passion alive in the bedroom?

Evolution of Hanky Panky

This morning a fax was going around the office and I thought I would share it with all you lovely people.

The Evolution of Sex

–        The first is Smurf Sex .This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you are blue in the face.

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–        The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

imagesCA1NSGEF

–        The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

imagesCA72HTDF

–        The fourth Kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Fuck you!”

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–        There is also a fifth kind of Sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

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Now, I can totally relate to all of these ……….well except the last one. I’ve been divorced twice and I never wanted anything from either of them…..well besides the divorce. When my kids father and I divorced we were twenty-two years old and the only thing I wanted was full custody of my children. I was living in another state by the time the divorce was finalized and I pretty much started a new life for myself and my children. As far as my second marriage, all I wanted was to completely cut ties with him …….. I couldn’t wait to get rid of his last name, just thinking about it just makes my skin crawl. I remember hearing through the grapevine that he thought I would take him for all he had………..yeah like I wanted his grungy ass home (which I tried to redecorate but this place was hopeless), his dumb marvel comic/ Simpson cartoon t-shirts that were way too small for him or his waste of money “what were you thinking” garage sale finds.