Daily Prompt : With or Without You

I’ve given a few ultimatums in my day but I wanted to share one that was given to me about four years ago.

Mr. Crazy (2nd husband,divorced, but at the time we were living together) was in one of his jealous rages and no he wasn’t jealous of another man or my time spent with friends …he was jealous of my furkid, Lily.

“It’s either me or the dog, choose one”  he spat.

I laughed. Does he really want me to answer that truthfully? no one in their right mind would give such an asinine demand but again he wasn’t in his right mind, come to think of it… he was probably off his meds.

He threw out the ultimatum again, “It’s me or the dog !!!!” I looked straight at him and said, “I choose Lily”.

The look on his face was priceless, he was shocked. “You would choose a DOG over me?” he said angrily. “She’s not just a DOG, she has been with me through thick and thin…..and your ultimatum is the silliest thing I have ever heard, you are jealous of Lily!”

He thought the way he felt was truly valid but he was told by our therapist that being jealous of a dog was just crazy and that the ultimatum he tossed out was not only immature but stupid.

Come on look at this face …… you’d choose her too!!

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Thankfully, my husband loves Lily and the rest of our furkids…. he spoils them rotten with love, attention and many beggin strips.

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Daily Prompt: Reading material

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When it comes to choosing blogs to read…… it’s all about the heading, for example:

Don and jesus do Canada, sort of… (Don of all trades)

To suck more, or to not suck more? That’s the question!  (1 year single)

My Feminity Change at the Eye Drs Office (Lisa Johnson Sawyer)

The Date With The Therapist (Dating Dramas of a Thirty something)

These are just some that have made me stop to read their entertaining, witty, sometimes jaw dropping blog. I enjoy blogs that grab my attention…I’m not much into the do-it yourself blogs because I’m not a do-it yourselfer. I don’t find myself clicking away at Political posts because I hear enough about it on the news. I don’t like whiny blogs….yes, occasionally we have to vent and get on our soapbox, sometimes we are experiencing something earth shattering….that’s different from the constant “Feel sorry for me, everyone hates me” blogs, the first five posts …ok I get it…..but after that you lose me.

When I read a post, I want to get a sense of that person, are they being “real” with your readers or is it just a bunch of fluff or smoke and mirrors? As for myself, there are no smoke and mirrors. I may not share EVERYTHING due to some prying eyes but if you are a blogger friend, I tend to fill you in via email…..but for the most part my blog is a representation of me. My silly and not so silly experiences moving to the country….I’m a long way from California that’s for sure!!

Daily Prompt: Reading Material

Daily Prompt : Naked with black socks

 

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My palms sweat, I contemplate over and over again how I can possibly get out of this situation, my heart races and wouldn’t you know, my nervousness jumps starts my IBS (irritable bowel syndrome)…..great!

Public speaking has always been an issue for me; in school I would rather get the F then go up in front of the classroom and give a speech. As I got older my fear of speaking in public just got worse, but I had to confront my fear head on because I had no choice….I couldn’t “call in sick”, I couldn’t pretend to have a sudden bout of laryngitis; I had to stand before my work colleagues and give my presentation.

People say to get over your fear of speaking you should picture the audience in their underwear, well ….. I’m sorry I wasn’t going to GO there with my co-workers; it just wasn’t going to happen. So for a week I practiced my speech, an hour before our meeting I went over and over it again…..I made sure I didn’t eat anything that morning in fear that my IBS would show up. It was time; I tried to make eye contact …. I tried not to rush through my presentation …..I tried not to fidget or pick at my nails … I tried to smile ….I tried to push the thought of “what are they thinking” out of my head ….. I tried to read the expression on their faces …were they bored?  Are they interested? Are they judging me?

The speech is now a mere blur, my boss was impressed and suggested that I give a presentation once a month. Thank God her “once a month” idea never took. I think if it did I would have had to look for another job!!

I envy those that are confident within themselves to speak in front of a room full of people, I envy those that go up to a total stranger and strike up a conversation because I can’t. I won’t. You couldn’t pay me enough…well maybe you can, for a price.

My fear comes down to one thing, judgment. I have heard “who cares what they think” many times over, but I care. I care what they say about me, think about me, I don’t want to be mocked or laughed at, well unless I say something funny. Maybe….one day I will get over this fear, but I’m not going to hold my breath.

 

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Daily Prompt: The cat says meow

They say when the cats away the mice will play, well when my mom and dad are gone my son and I just nap, but today I decided to play with moms laptop; it took me forever to  find the right button though ……my darn paws are so hairy!!

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My mom is a push over, she spoils me rotten and if I don’t get my way at first all I have to do is throw a tantrum, she calls it “the floppy fish”, not sure what a fish is but I lay on my side and kick out my feet but she laughs every single time and of course I get  her undivided attention……it’s ball time.  She tries her best to throw the ball across the room, sometimes it hits a wall and bounces back …. I can tell by her lack of throwing skills that she must have been picked last for games, like baseball.

My dad loves baseball but I just don’t understand why they run after hitting the ball and they don’t bring the ball back, they just keep running, maybe if they brought it back they would get praised like my mom praises me when I return with the ball.

“Dart will you stop making funny faces at Sami, she’s outside because she didn’t come home on time before mom left for work”

“Mom what’s work?”

“I don’t know son, it’s a place they go during the day  …sometimes they come home grumpy but we know how to make them smile”

“Yes we do….we bark and jump and give them sloppy kisses……then we get a treat…I love those treats, do you think grandma will remember we are low on Beggin Strips?”

“I don’t know if she wrote it on the paper and Sami is outside so she can’t jump on the counter to check, but I’m busy I have to finish this before mom comes home…can you chew on a bone or something?”

Where was I?

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Ohhh yes…I love my mom, she takes us outside to chase birds and frogs, she throws us birthday parties and makes us eggs on our special day, she bathes us with nice smelling shampoo, buys me pretty dresses, she makes sure I have nothing on my face or on my bum, she tends to me when I eat too much grass and have a stomach ache, she also took care of my four babies when I just needed some peace and quiet….she slept on the floor for days while I hid under the bed just to get some sleep. I miss her when she’s gone and wait patiently for her to return. She’s my best friend, she gets me and I get her…..yes I can be a little brat sometimes it’s not like I ignore her on purpose….I hear her call for me ..but I smell things and I need to figure out what they are….it’s when she middle names me that I know I better see what she wants.

She’s awesome!!

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Click here to view others Daily Prompt: Write a story about yourself from the perspective of an object, thing, animal, or another person.

Daily Prompt : Toy Story

In today’s Daily Prompt it asks : What was your favorite plaything as a child? Do you see any connection between your life now, and your favorite childhood toy? 

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When I was a little girl there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t play with my Barbies. Barbie, as well as her friends and I went on many made-up adventures, parties at her dream house was a weekly thing and Ken could have had his own “Sister wives” reality t.v show with all the weddings he took part in.

Although Barbie has great fashion sense, I never adopted her sense of fashion. Barbie never said never…..she was always up for a challenge and you couldn’t tell this woman she couldn’t partake in “THE MANS WORLD” she jumped right in and became an Astronaut, Doctor, Army Ranger, Nascar driver…..she even was a Presidential Candidate.

The only thing that Barbie and I have in common, besides multiple marriages …having a younger sister and of course being a mom. We both worked at McDonalds, but my burger flipping days were cut short when I thought I was “too” good to work at the golden arches.

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Daily Prompt : Regrets ….I’ve had a few

Todays Daily Prompt asks What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

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I have often thought about how my life would have been like if I never met Mr.Crazy. Life would still be a struggle, this I know  but I wouldn’t have had the extra chaos that being with him brought on. I believe my relationship with my oldest daughter would have never seen the obstacles that it did when I decided to date and then marry this man. Being with this man caused a lot of turmoil between my daughter and I and my first husband seeing this only fueled the fire by his nasty words and constant manipulation of the situation. I knew she only wanted the best for me and rushing into a relationship especially with him was just setting me up for failure. My kids never truly liked him ….. they thought he was a bit “odd”. My oldest daughter just wanted me to focus on my faith and take sometime being ALONE then being with a man.

I would like to believe that my relationship with my ex and his family would still be  tolerable and not what it is today………….it was my ex-husband that introduced me to Mr.Crazy, never thinking we I would settle and end up marrying the guy. My ex wasn’t too thrilled with the progression of the relationship and he made it such an issue. Mr.Crazy once said “it’s like he is still hung up on you and doesn’t want me to be with you”. Sure seemed like that for awhile……once I moved in with MC everything around me started to fall apart. My relationships with my girls and my ex just started to unravel. Chaos thrived in this household…..it sucked the life out of everything positive….and if I am being honest with you…there wasn’t much.

I would have never been introduced to his rage and that “look”….which I only saw when he unleashed his monstrous rage. I wouldn’t have to see the negative side of a mommas boy and be fooled by his family. I would have never been prescribed Prozac for my  anxiety and end up gaining 40 pounds because of it. I would have never faked early menopause just so he wouldn’t touch me.

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In the end, when I was at the crossroads of my life and if I knew what I know now……I would have never gone down that road that was full of turmoil, lies, secrets , depression, dysfunction and mental illness…..I should have listened to my children when they said  “WHY HIM?? really mom??” , I should have listened to my girlfriend who said “why are you lowering yourself, you two don’t even look right together”….I should have listened to the many who said “you can do so much better” but I had my super powered rose-colored glasses on and hands over my ears.  I was going to do what I was going to do…….no one was going to tell me otherwise.

and if you all are wondering …yes I did hear a lot of “I told you so’s” ….. yes I had to admit my mistake and yes I have had to work hard on restoring my relationship with my oldest daughter …it’s still not where I want it to be, but I feel in order for that to happen she needs to remove her rose-colored glasses and see her father for who he is…..but like I, it took me time to remove mine and face reality. My relationship with my middle child Ann is better than ever and my  son….he hates to be in the middle of family issues so he has learned to step away or just keep it to himself and focus on school and football.

Daily Prompt : I am a rock

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“Why didn’t you ask us for help?”  Mommy Dearest said.  “Ask you for help? The last time I asked for help you looked at me like I was a failure, you made me feel guilty every day when I had to drop off my children …YOUR GRANDKIDS….so I could go to work. I refused to ask for financial help anymore because you would throw it in my face constantly…….I had to do what I had to do to survive. Do you THINK I wanted to bounce a check at the grocery store? The kids had to eat….I knew it was wrong…..but I wasn’t getting much assistance from their father” This is what I wanted to say…….but I didn’t. I just looked at her judgmental stare….the stare that even to this day is impeded in my head. (this was over 16 years ago)

It’s hard for me to ask for help, but I have learned that sometimes it’s better to ask for help rather than go at it by myself….but even though I know this, I still find it difficult.

I also have a hard time with just asking for advice or sharing a current situation with people because well again, I fear judgment….I fear that I will be secretly discussed…..again this has a lot to do with Mommy Dearest and finding out that she spoke horribly about me to a family friend, never thinking that this family friend would share every last detail about their conversations with me and she did this only because she felt sorry for the words she heard coming from my mothers mouth…..but in a way it didn’t shock me but it was heartbreaking to actually hear it from someone elses mouth.

In the last week I actually shared some very personal things with a couple of old friends and ….. well some new friends that I have made through WordPress. I can’t begin to tell you how I feel so blessed that the two (newly made) friends have texted me daily to see how things are going……even during the rough moments they continued to check in. One simply road this hectic ride with me……..while the ones that have known me the longest just well …… had other things on their plate, like going to parties and hanging out with Danny Devito. Yet, when all hell breaks loose in their (her) world I drop everything to make sure she’s ok.

In the end, there are things that I can only rely on myself to accomplish because I know that I am strong enough to tackle it…………….but then there are moments when darkness surrounds me and having those people rally beside me to listen ,to offer sound advice, to help me find humor in a situation, to take my mind off my troubles, to shed some spiritual assistance …… and lastly reaffirming my belief in the meaning of friendship you guys are truly my angels, my rock…..you guys know who you are, I just want to say THANK YOU!!!

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Daily Prompt : I am a rock 

Weekly Writing Challenge : Sophie’s escape

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Sophie hears the front door open, fear takes over her innocence, heavy footsteps in the hallway only can mean one thing, He’s Home! She whispers to her dolls to be quiet as she cleans up any evidence that a few minutes earlier she was enjoying a tea party with her imaginary friends Peter and Claudia. She hugs her teddy bear close to her chest hoping that today would be different, but as soon as that thought crosses her mind she hears her stepfather yelling at her mother. “You BITCH, I told you I wanted this house clean when I got home. Your little brats constantly leave their crap all over this house”.  She hears one of her brothers’ toys crash against the wall and break into little pieces.

She hears them arguing, voices escalating… momma always has the house so clean I don’t know why it’s never good enough for him. “Please make them stop” she whispers to her teddy.

Sophie stares out her bedroom window wanting to escape the wrath that is her stepfather, she looks at the rusty old merry-go-round that sits in front of the laundry mat, she puts on her sandals and quietly opens her bedroom door …tiptoeing down the hallway, she can hear muffled arguing coming from her parents’ bedroom. …she opens the front door and escapes the nightmare that she currently lives.

“Look both ways” she tells herself. As soon as the cars pass she crosses the street with care and finds herself next to her brightly colored friends, Mr. Frog is her favorite. She imagines them all coming to life, her friends Claudia and Peter instantly appear. She climbs on the back of the orange striped tiger who she named Cliff and he takes her away to a land that she visits often. She no longer feels scared, they all remind her that they are there to protect her and nothing can harm her now. She loves escaping to this beautiful place, green rolling hills, flowers taller than her, she enjoys playing hide-n-seek with all her friends. It seems like hours have gone by that she has been able to enjoy this freedom but somewhere deep inside she knows it has just been a few minutes. She climbs on top of Jerry the Giraffe and he takes her to an ice cream covered mountain overlooking a chocolate filled sea. “I wish I can stay here forever” she says to her all her friends.

“Get the hell out of here!!! ” with the sound her of mother’s voice she is suddenly thrown back to reality. She can hear her step father yelling from across the street.  Sophie waits patiently next to Mr. Frog hoping to hear the loud roar of the monsters truck pulling away from the apartment complex. “Don’t ever come back and if you do you will be sorry”. Sophie has heard these words come out of her mother’s mouth before only to welcome the monster back with “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you” more times then she can remember.

“Sophie, Sophie!!!”  She sees her mom come towards her, a worried look on her face. Her mother has come to know where to find her sweet daughter when things get out of control in the home…..tears running down her mother’s face she bends down and hugs her daughter. “I’m sorry momma, I’m sorry for not picking up Jacks toy, it’s all my fault” …her mother hugs her tighter and tells her that he is never coming back. “Are you sure momma?” as she looks into her mother’s eyes she sees that one eye is swollen….she gently kisses it and smiles “it’s all better momma…it will be all better soon”. Her mom smiles back “yes, honey it will be better soon. I promise. I promise never to put you or your brother in that situation ever again. I’m so sorry”. She grabs her daughter’s hand and they head back home…… as they cross the street; Sophie looks back and gives a little wave to her friends that sit patiently on the rusty yellow merry-go-round for her return.

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Daily Post: Procrastination

I have been putting off redoing the master bathroom for months now. I was actually going to start peeling off the dreadful looking wallpaper a couple of weeks ago when I thought the Misters brother and wife were going to stay with us for the weekend but when I found out that they had a change of plans then the urgency to fix it up pretty much went to the bottom of my to do list and to be honest with you I don’t have a to do list.

Here’s a picture of the this wallpaper gone bad …. what were the previous owners thinking!!

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Now, I know the process isn’t going to be that hard, I redid the guest bathroom in a few days but when I am given free reign to do whatever I want one day and then I’m told a couple of days later that he wants me to show him the colors first I get kind of annoyed. He should trust me that I won’t make it all girly but now he’s telling me that I should put wallpaper up where the shower is because if I paint the walls it will  mildew….the point is to get rid of the wallpaper NOT to put more up. Did he NOT remember that I painted the whole guest bathroom and there is no signs of mildew or removal of paint because of the stem? I ended up losing all interest in picking colors and design after his lack of faith that I will do a great job…….he loved the guest bathroom once it was done. He just needs to stick with beautifying the outside and let me handle the inside…….but instead of redoing the bathroom I redid my office.

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I actually moved my office to a smaller one across the hall. The one that I was in was too big ….yeah I know some people love the feel of a big office but I actually feel cozier in a smaller office. So with a couple new pictures a plant and a few things here and there I feel that my office is much more welcoming…….the hideous wallpaper in the bathroom can wait!!

NOW….today instead of cleaning, I’m writing…………I saw todays Daily Post on Procrastinating and thought “I totally got this one!”  I put down the can of Pledge grabbed my laptop and here I am. The dust can wait…..it’s been there for two days while I laid in bed fighting a migraine it can wait a few  more minutes!!

There is one thing that I’m no longer procrastinating on and that is finally giving in and making Valley Girl Gone Country it’s own .com I bought the self hosting space and I think in a few short weeks it will be up and running, but I will let you all know when you can go visit ValleyGirlGoneCountry.com ….. You can go visit now but there’s nothing really there. I have been sitting on this news for the last few days, I was really excited to share the news with the Mister, which I did today…………he didn’t say much, actually he didn’t say anything….not even “ohhh that’s great”…I think I would have been happy with “great” he just looked over at me. Well, I’m excited ….. I’m just hoping that I am able to just carry this site and all of you with me over to the new  one without losing any of you wonderful bloggers who follow me.

Well, I better get moving ……  I have a lot of things that I need to get done, like tackling the spare room that has boxes and boxes of my things. It’s suppose to be a home office but right now it is home to boxes of books, photo albums and soooo much more. I just need to more everything to the shed but that can wait to!!

Daily Prompt : Mirror, Mirror on the wall

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My blog is a direct reflection of my life and how I have transitioned from living in Southern California to a small country town in Arkansas. I use this platform as a way to share my story…..the good, the bad and the unpredictable. Most of the time when I sit down to write I imagine that I am talking to you face to face, maybe over a glass of wine or hot chocolate. All I have ever wanted was to make those who visit this blog feel welcomed.

When I look back at the posts that I have published it is an assortment of things that happen or happened in my life; from silly moments, strange country critters that I am still getting accustomed to, my two failed marriages, my children who aren’t children anymore, being a newlywed for the third time, friendships and even yesterday I wrote about my heavenly vanilla latte. This blog is an honest depiction of my life. If it wasn’t for this release I think I would have shelves lined with journals depicting my life….talk about writers cramp!!

I only have changed my theme a few times since I started this blog in May, although I have that itch to change it up a bit and add a few special things but I just don’t have a thousand dollars laying around to pay someone tweak it ….I only wish I had the knowledge and patience to do it on my own.

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