Staying true to myself

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Last night I slept, I slept better than I had in days…maybe weeks. I woke up around one in the morning recalling a dream that I just had, “I fell asleep” …I closed my eyes, snuggled up closer to the hubby and without hassle I fell back to sleep. I woke up refreshed … no sign of a headache, I was ready to tackle my day.

It had seemed as though writing about what was troubling me helped tremendously, but why was I so surprised this time?  Writing has always been therapeutic to me, writing is what I know …… sharing or venting to a friend has helped at times but when I write I feel as though I can express myself more clearly without interruption. It’s my feelings, my truth, my hopes, my life… in black and white.

I made a decision when I started Valley Girl Gone Country not to hold back, or to allow someone to dictate what was deemed appropriate…that type of restraint left me feeling bogged down and trapped, yes there are times that I have had to change a name just to protect the person that I am speaking of, there have been moments that I sat in front of my computer screen ready to hit publish but had second thoughts because maybe it was too raw…too personal…too me, but you know what?  I had to get pass that. Throwing myself under the bus or sharing idiotic situations will happen, because well…….sometimes life brings you idiot moments..right?

When I am blogging about my life here in the country or sharing experiences of my past….there are times that to some it may come across very personal, for example “Love Doesn’t Leave Bruises” It’s my attempt to reach them (them meaning friends/family) and I have exhausted my efforts every other way, I’ve talked to them until I was blue in the face, I’ve dumbed it down for them, I’ve pulled the emotion out of it, emailed…but I know they read this blog, I also know they read your comments. I know in time something has to click.

I watched the first episode of Blood, Sweat and Heels this past weekend and honestly I wasn’t too impressed, but one of the cast members is a blogger, Demetria Lucas and boy oh boy did she get some of those girlies panties in a bunch just by writing her truth, her observation from a brunch she attended. She wasn’t going to let them bully her into silence, she was going to write what she knew…..not even a calculated dinner to bamboozle her and tear apart her posts broke her. She stayed classy. She remained true to herself.

All in all I will remain true to myself and Valley Girl Gone Country. I’ve shut down one too many blogs and went into blogging hibernation because of other peoples opinions but I can’t do that anymore.

* You have the choice to read or not to read. I am not forcing that hand*

and when I say that I am staying true to myself this has nothing to do with me refusing to accept becoming forty  in a couple of days…..I will be 39 again and again and again. 

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Ms. Lola I can’t thank you enough!!!

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I was so thrilled to get the “Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award” by Lola over at Dating Dramas of a Thirty something!!  For those of you that haven’t wandered over to her site you must do it now…..she’s not the “girl next door” she’s so much more!!  I can relate to her on so many levels, from dating disasters to dating triumphs-financial struggles-mother issues-the desire for hot steamy sex…….to …..well, go check her out yourself I swear you won’t be disappointed!!

With every award there are some rules to follow. First….the questions.

  1. Your favorite color : It’s purple
  2. Your favorite animal : (dogs) well hands down are my furkids but you can’t say the D (dog) word around them or refer to them as animals. They seriously get their feelings hurt…..no joke, Lily will give you THE LOOK and refuse to give you kisses and Dart will pretend he didn’t hear it.  ohhhh wait, I do LOVE penguins!!!
  3. Your favorite non-alcoholic drink: well…..uhmmm…shit, I was going to say Bailey’s and Hot Coco, given it’s Christmas time….but Baileys is alcohol…..shhhh….ok……I guess I will say Dr.Pepper.
  4. Facebook or Twitter: both
  5. Your favorite pattern: Argyle (looking down at my purple/gray/black argyle sweater)
  6. Do you prefer getting or giving presents:  I love giving presents !!
  7. Your favorite number: 226
  8. Your favorite day of the week: Saturday
  9. Your favorite flower: Lillies
  10. What is your passion? : well I’m very passionate when it comes to keeping my marriage hot…..naughty/dirty the better!

now I am required to nominate 10-12  6 other blogs……so here you go!!!

Girl, Intoxicated

Fascinations of a Vanilla Housewife

Suzie81 Blog

Lisa Johnson Sawyer

1 year of Single 

Not so Sex in the City

A little Q & A with Suzie

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This morning as I was catching up on my “must-read” blogs, I noticed that Suzie81  wanted to shake things up…try something new….a little bit of an experiment if you will. I was game…..anything for my witty English friend!! 

She asked a few harmless questions and we could either answer them on our blog or hers…..so here you go Suzie!!

    Why have you chosen your blog name?

I remember the day that my blog name came to me. I was driving home from work and as I rounded the corner from my home I just saw the most breath taking view …. rolling green hills, cows in the pasture and trees everywhere; I was not in the valley any longer and then it hit me, my blog should be called “Valley Girl Gone Country”…..a California native moving to Arkansas of all places?? there had to be some humor in that….so that’s when this blog came alive.

    When you have an hour of free-time, what do you do?

I read …. for the first couple of minutes I do get that nagging feeling that I should clean something, but that soon fades when I think about my book anxiously waiting for me to return!!

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    If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what would it be?

This is a hard one…..it’s not like I would have to go back and relive that age because I really don’t think I would like to relive any point of my life. So to choose an age that I could stay forever, I would have to say the age I am now, 39. I’ve enjoyed being thirty something….I’ve enjoyed saying “I’m in my thirties”, yes gravity has taken hold of certain areas, no thanks to my 3 children….but that’s the price you pay right? now my boobs look like cow utters but Victoria has amazing “Secrets” that do wonders for my utters!!  but …. wrinkles haven’t appeared yet, my ass isn’t sagging …. I don’t have turkey neck and I have no need to freeze my face with injections. I fear that once I cross over “to the dark side” as my husband calls it then within weeks after my fortieth birthday crows feet will suddenly appear and applications to join AARP will show up in my mailbox.

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    If you could learn to do something, what would it be?

I would love to learn how to make my very own website, with cool logo and snazzy header.

     What would be the first thing you would buy if you won the lottery?

A trip to Ireland for my husband and I ….and I guess my kids and one of their friends could come as well!!

     What is the thing that makes you absolutely unique?

Unique?  I’m not sure if there is any part of me that makes me unique…..if there is, I don’t see it…..but …

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     What is your favourite blog?

It all depends …..  I really fancy Suzie81’s blog because she isn’t afraid of sharing her true self and Lisa Johnson Sawyer because I’m just so proud of how far she has come, she’s reminds me of a Southern version of Audrey Hepburn!!

Daily Prompt : I am a rock

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“Why didn’t you ask us for help?”  Mommy Dearest said.  “Ask you for help? The last time I asked for help you looked at me like I was a failure, you made me feel guilty every day when I had to drop off my children …YOUR GRANDKIDS….so I could go to work. I refused to ask for financial help anymore because you would throw it in my face constantly…….I had to do what I had to do to survive. Do you THINK I wanted to bounce a check at the grocery store? The kids had to eat….I knew it was wrong…..but I wasn’t getting much assistance from their father” This is what I wanted to say…….but I didn’t. I just looked at her judgmental stare….the stare that even to this day is impeded in my head. (this was over 16 years ago)

It’s hard for me to ask for help, but I have learned that sometimes it’s better to ask for help rather than go at it by myself….but even though I know this, I still find it difficult.

I also have a hard time with just asking for advice or sharing a current situation with people because well again, I fear judgment….I fear that I will be secretly discussed…..again this has a lot to do with Mommy Dearest and finding out that she spoke horribly about me to a family friend, never thinking that this family friend would share every last detail about their conversations with me and she did this only because she felt sorry for the words she heard coming from my mothers mouth…..but in a way it didn’t shock me but it was heartbreaking to actually hear it from someone elses mouth.

In the last week I actually shared some very personal things with a couple of old friends and ….. well some new friends that I have made through WordPress. I can’t begin to tell you how I feel so blessed that the two (newly made) friends have texted me daily to see how things are going……even during the rough moments they continued to check in. One simply road this hectic ride with me……..while the ones that have known me the longest just well …… had other things on their plate, like going to parties and hanging out with Danny Devito. Yet, when all hell breaks loose in their (her) world I drop everything to make sure she’s ok.

In the end, there are things that I can only rely on myself to accomplish because I know that I am strong enough to tackle it…………….but then there are moments when darkness surrounds me and having those people rally beside me to listen ,to offer sound advice, to help me find humor in a situation, to take my mind off my troubles, to shed some spiritual assistance …… and lastly reaffirming my belief in the meaning of friendship you guys are truly my angels, my rock…..you guys know who you are, I just want to say THANK YOU!!!

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Daily Prompt : I am a rock 

Is it really stalking or just being overally nosey?

A question has come up recently by a fellow blogging friend regarding an ex “stalking” her blog…… “I know he reads my blog, but why would he do this? he has a girlfriend” ….we pondered on this question for awhile….analyzed his behavior, pretty much came up with a few ideas :

1. he is in no way on the level of Mr.Crazy when it comes to crazy stalking behavior

2. he misses you and although he knows he can’t be with you right now; he just longs for a little piece of you and he can get that by reading your blog.

3. his girlfriend is just a filler.

4. He may stalk your blog daily, even visit hourly…..but just as long as he isn’t doing anything harmful to you then catch him off guard and say hello!!

I  began to think about different levels of crazy……  and remembered a conversation I had with Jenny about 12 years ago….it went something like this.

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“Hello”

(whisper) “You would never believe what I am doing…guess”

(whispers back) “why are you whispering? are you eavesdropping on someone?”

(whisper) “I’m hiding in a bush watching Scott and his wife clean up the front yard….why are you whispering?”

“You’re in a BUSH? You’re crazy…what if he sees you?”

“He won’t, my car is parked down the road….and I doubt he can …ohhh wait, shit he’s looking this way”

“Ohhh Jen, you are going to get caught…..why are you there anyways?”

“He gave me some lame excuse , he SAID he was going out of town……but he’s outside with his wife fixing up the front yard!!!….Jolene?”

“Yeah Jen”

“You’re going to have to come along next time”

“OK…..please don’t do anything stupid”

“hmmm….I’m in a bush, this is not one of my most proudest moments”

I admit….back in the day I have had some not so proud moments when I let that little obsessive behavior come out; but I noticed that it only happened when someone I loved did me wrong…..like cheated…..of course that question  “what does the bitch look like?”  consumed me and one can’t help but be overcome with curiosity right???  I’ve never gone as far as Mr.Crazy though…..who would come into my complex in the late hours of the night to see if I was home or not…….he spit on my home window, dented my car with his fist, and spit on the car door handle of a male friends truck. NOW….that’s stalking gone overboard!!!

Marie told me recently how her ex left an envelope with a thumb drive inside. It was a slide show titled Marie’s Legacy…..on this slide show were pictures of them together….pictures of parties they attended….I even made it on the slide show…..then he put in a picture of a notification that was sent to his phone on where she was on one particular night(creepy)….then there was a picture of a guy she is dating who was surfing (is he stalking him too)…lists of ex-boyfriends from her past was also on this slide show.

“What do I do?” she asked

“Don’t play into his crazy, that is what he wants…..for a man to shuffle through hundreds of photos of you and him and put something like this together is just nuts. He’s stewing, he’s probably oozing the crazy stench right now…..just please leave him alone”

“I just checked his Match.com page and he is on it all the time…..yet he tells me that I’m the one he wants but dates all these other woman”

“Are you on Match?”

“NO….I just made a fake profile up just to keep tabs on him because I’ve noticed that once we head to our own places he is instantly on there”

“Just leave him alone Marie, he’s playing you”

She agreed, but Marie has a mind of her own and admittedly said she’s addicted to the drama…..but I just hope that this is a clear sign that this man is a bit unstable……I guess it would be one thing if the slideshow was put to some romantic music with a love letter or poem at the end….but there wasn’t any hearts or clip art rose pedals on the screen.

But going back to what I was saying at the beginning, if someone I dated, or even married wants to read my blog……more power to them…..I don’t really know what purpose it serves them…………but as long as they stay their distance and don’t write childish idiotic comments then I’m fine…plus it brings up my stats.

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My 100th post and a Quintet of Radiance: Five Ennobling Awards

What a way to celebrate my 100th post!! I started my blog on May 13th and in just a few short months I have read so many blogs that entertain me and leave me speechless because the makers behind these blogs are so talented. I just feel extremely blessed to be part of such a diverse blogging community.

I want to thank Belsbror for thinking that I am worthy of such a grand award. I want all of you to go visit Belsbror and say hello and take a minute or two to wonder through the blog and read some fascinating posts! Belsbror is incredibly talented!!

At first, I wasn’t sure what this award was all about and what I had to do…but after reading about it on Belsbrors blog I decided to share what I read about this award.

As a recipient, you will surely shower your giver with much appreciation for thinking of you.

The idea behind the awards is to serve as  a constant reminder for our thoughts to remain Versatile to brighten up the dark pathways of the mind with Sunshine, respect our Inner Peace, bring about changes by being positively Influential, and make this pale blue planet an Awesome place to abide in.

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There was no mention on how many nominees you had to give this to so since there are five awards I will nominate five amazing bloggers who I look forward to reading daily and yes you may have just received an award from me but you five are truly amazing, confident, talented women who deserve this  !!

1. 1 Year of Single

2. Musings of a Dancing Wino

3. Suzie81

4. Imperfectly Perfect

5. Dating Dramas of a Thirty Something

Where’s Jenny when I need her???

I found myself sitting in a room full of people, fidgeting with the stack of note cards in  front of me. The ladies next to me started talking to each other just as though they have been friends forever;  I secretly wished that I would have the courage to just start-up a conversation with  complete strangers but I just have never been the type to do that….as I continued to review my notes I wondered how on earth I agreed to give this presentation. I’m not a speaker and while in school I would rather get an F on the assignment then stand up in front of a whole class to recite a poem or give a speech on some history lesson that we had learned earlier in the week.  So why now?……shit, I’m sweating….. I knew I  should have doubled up on my deodorant this morning…..ohh noooo I wore white socks with my black boots what was I THINKING!!!! I need water, no that’s a bad idea what if I have to go to the bathroom midway through my presentation…..ohhh crap Ms.London is coming over, uhhhh it’s time.  “You’re so quiet,  have you met any of the other speakers?” she asked……wow she was so put together were I on the other hand was a complete mess.  “Well uhmm no, I just have a hard time going up to someone and introducing myself, but believe me once I get to know the person I can’t stop talking…(please shut up, stop… YOU’RE RAMBLING)…..I just need my best friend Jenny, Jenny was always the life of the party and made meeting people so much easier”  uhhhh…..where’s Jenny when I needed her?

That’s when I woke up to Miss Lily  licking my face ……that was a dream? There’s no presentation? Ohhhh THANK GOD!!!

images (2)Jenny was my social life saver, we met Freshman year in Science class. We were the Romi and Michelle of our High School (always together….not the outcast part) If one of us was home sick more times than none we would be asked were our “other half was”. We just got each other unlike anyone else did. We didn’t care for being part of cliques and refused to kiss ass just to fit in……we were the substitutes worse nightmare, we made our own rules in the classes that we had together and for some reason our teachers went along with it, when there was a hot new guy on campus it was Jenny that had the guts to approach him while I stood there and drooled. She could win anyone over with her stunning green eyes, big boobs and bubbly personality ……she still had that affect on men years later!!!

As adults…with one divorce under us both, several children, trying to find THE ONE, trying to  maintain our sanity all the while going through relationship after relationship in hopes that the guy that we were dating was Prince charming,only to find out down the road that he was just his evil twin brother. We just knew how to turn the horrible experience of getting hurt into something to laugh about over Bridget Jones Diary and a pint of Ben and Jerrys. We also knew how to make the men pay if they did us wrong….don’t worry there was no physical pain,blood or shovel to the back of the head, but if you happened to cheat on us well, let it be known he would think twice about cheating on the next girl he met just on the off chance she knew one of us.

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She brought me out of my shell, if it wasn’t for her I would have NEVER had the guts to join her up on stage to sing It’s Raining Men in front of a bar full of military men…….If it wasn’t for her I would have never met my husband..we certainly got ourselves in some funny situations which I can’t disclose because that would be breaking the  best friend shut your trap rule  ….if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t of had the comfort of having such a wonderful friend in my life. Her blunt honesty has helped me get through the toughest moments in my life and as much as her words cut me….she was only giving me a dose of tough love.

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She’s the best and in just a couple more weeks we will be the same age!! YEP…..we will be on the fast track to FORTY twenty-five together!!

I miss you Jenny!!

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My Monday is lookin up!!

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I was having a case of the Mondays this morning until I looked at my phone and noticed that Scottishmomus  gave me a “Wonderful Team Membership Award”…….instantly the clouds parted and the sun came out, my case of the Mondays disappeared and I just knew that I had to put  my big girl panties on and stop complaining about covering the front office ……because I wouldn’t have been given this award if I wasn’t a TEAM player……right???

Yes, it’s Monday…..the schedule is loaded……and a part of me doesn’t have time for stupid, but I AM a team player, always helping out where needed. I will put on a happy cheery smile (even if I am from California and apparently we don’t smile there) and when my nerves are about to get the best of me I will sneak back into my office and dive into my hidden chocolate drawer and pull out a couple yummy chocolate morsels which will instantly calm me in no time flat.

So…now that I have some time I am going to follow through with the Team Member Award rules which are :

1.Display the logo on a post.

2. Link back to the person who nominated you.

3.Nominate 14 readers other bloggers and inform them via comment in their blog sites.

(and no complaining…..fourteen isn’t that difficult, remember you’re a Team player)

Lisa Johnson Sawyer

This Typing is making me look busy

Waiting for the Karma Truck

Dating dramas of a Thirty something

lori’s lane

The Girl who blogs

Nerd adventures through normalcy

The Mommy Tales    (now sis…..read the rules….haha)

Hellish Behavior

My Family and other oddities

Suzie81 

Hurt Army wife

CnMill

1 year of single

Ladies and Gentlemen : What’s on your “Must Have” Checklist

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There was a time when all I wanted was a man like Ponch from C.H.I.P’s; while my friend, Marie was more into John ….for all I was concerned she could have him… I wasn’t too much into blonde men.  I liked them tall, dark and looking damn good in a uniform….. and at the age of ten  (yes you heard me…TEN) my list of “must haves” began.

I know that I am not the only one with a “Checklist”, after my short-lived fascination with Ponch and a few high school romances my list started to take off……..the only people who knew of such list were my two closest friends, Marie and Jenny . We would often talk about our list of “must haves” in men, erasing and adding when necessary. ……it wasn’t until I was twenty-something that my list really took off, I had to make sure that the man of my dreams didn’t possess any qualities of  His Royal Highness (1st husband) and the men I briefly dated.

Number forty-five: He must have complete control of his bodily functions or at least ask to borrow one of my kids’ pull-ups before bed!   ….this was added after my brief rendezvous with Andy….my mother thought we would hit it off because we were both from California. Well MOTHER besides his drug and porn addiction and peeing in my bed HE WAS A WINNER.

When I moved back to California and met The Major (my husband) he was that tall (taller than me), dark (had a nice tan) and ohhhh sooo handsome man in uniform. He also was older then me(fourteen years older to be exact), treated me like a lady in public but behind closed doors he treated me like a naughty little whore in bed, he turned my world upside down and when we parted ways my list grew!!!

Number fifty-seven: must be older then me

Number fifty-eight:    must be excellent in the bedroom. (lessons on how to please a woman will NOT be tolerated and given)

Number fifty-nine: must call me Darlin’ with a Southern accent

Number Sixty : Must not wear tighty whities.   Who in their right mind told men that it was ok for them to wear tighty whities….this is NOT attractive…….just because David Beckham can rock them doesn’t mean YOU CAN!!!  (boxer briefs,boxers,comando….all acceptable)

It wasn’t until I was in my mid-thirties that I knew my list was getting out of control ….the bar was set too high and after my brief nine month relationship with The Major no guy even came close…….so I began to cross things off the list…who am I kidding it was more like making alterations to the already large list.

Number five:  must be a man in uniform (cop,fireman,military) (ok….any type of uniform….McDonalds uniform, gas attendant…. anything….but he has to look good wearing it)

Number twelve:  must be rich Must have some money…..Ok at least have more money in his bank account than I do and at the current time I have, ouch $5.68   it couldn’t be THAT hard to find right?

Number twenty-three:  Must have hair …… ok, this was put on because my kids for some reason made fun of me dating bald men. Some men couldn’t help that their hair began to recede in their twenties and well some thought they looked better without……and in E.T’s defense bald is better than being a skinny white guy with bushy red hair. (yes, E.T even though I hate the character ET with a passion the man who I dated after The Major sorta got his nickname by some of my girlfriends and they did say he resembled ET…the white version…we will save this story for another time)

“You are too picky…..money isn’t everything…..so what if he has a hairy ass at least he treats you good” these are things I would often hear. I knew I would never find a man who held the qualities like The Major or the umpteen other “must haves” on my list…….so I started a new list.

  1. Must breathe
  2. Must have a job
  3. Understands that cheating and lying are unacceptable
  4. Must love my children
  5. Must love my furgirl, Lily.

Unfortunately, by cutting my list down  and lowering the bar got me a couple of years with a thirty something man-child I swear he fondled his Play station controller more than he did me and then after that was all said and done, I jumped into the relationship I soon regretted with Mr.Crazy.

Luckily ….. I never had to redo the list because The Major and I reconnected after the whole Mr.Crazy debacle and now we are in the process of writing our Happily Ever After…….

I still hear the “must have’s” from my single friends and I will be honest some of my friends lists need some tweaking or maybe they need to do some searching within themselves. Sometimes the items we listed back when we were twenty don’t necessarily stand true to what we really need now while we are getting older. Is social status THAT important?….come on you aren’t in High School anymore or competing for the next spot on a new reality show. Being a suit on Wall Street or in some big wig corporation shouldn’t be one of your top three……….what should be in your top three is:

1. that he loves you

2. that he is honest with you

3. that he respects you and your family