YEP!! you have it ALL under control

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“I have everything under control” he said.

“We are on top of things” he said.

“My wife will make sure he does his homework” he said.

These were the spoken words of my first husband, “His Royal Highness” who wanted to pacify me into believing that he could do a better job at keeping our sons grade afloat then myself.

Silently, I stood back watching my sons grades slip farther and farther down into the land of F’s. A couple months ago, I sent a quick text to my ex stating that our son was failing one of his subjects. “I know, I got it covered….he’s going to tutoring” he messaged back.

Normally, (before I moved) I would have emailed all his teachers to find out what my sons problem was. Was he distracted? was there a girl? did he not understand the new lesson? nine times out of ten we figured it out and my sons grades climbed back up……yes, there was resistance on his part but his grades and future are important to me.

I knew that around the end of October his grades would suffer a little due to a yearly haunted house that he would take part in (and also with football)…..every year it’s the same and no amount of arguing and threatening that he will not take part in the haunted house if his grades don’t improve just gets overruled by “His Royal Highness”.  Sooooo, I didn’t look at his grades online until …. yesterday, I wanted to give my son the benefit of the doubt and I was hoping that my ex (for once) would really have it under control, well I was wrong……so wrong.

I stared at my laptop in disbelief ….. how in the world could he be failing two classes and almost failing in another?  I clicked into one of his failing classes for more detail  to only see that he hadn’t turned in ONE classwork/homework assignment since late September and the other class showed big fat zeros in the last four assignments posted. Frustration spread throughout.  Then I remembered the words from my ex-husband “He needs stability in his life and going back and forth from home to home is just causing him too much stress, let’s see if this will help his grades improve”. This was bogus, just because I was at the time, single and the only instability in my life was the constant reminder of Mr.Crazy (his friend) he thought THIS was my sons problem…..NO it wasn’t, because like I mentioned and showed him on a very detailed excel spreadsheet that on the days my son is with him no assignments were never turned in or he failed his test because he didn’t study the night before.  BUT…because he was adamant that his TECHNIQUE would work I decided to see how well his new form of dictatorship would go down.   Unfortunately, his technique sucked the big one because my son was taken out of his classes and thrown into independent study. At that time, I had only wished my son wasn’t afraid to have told his father that he wanted to live with me because the schools out here are so much better ….I know for a fact we (he) wouldn’t be having this issue….now.

I did speak to my son last night to find out what was going on with his grades, we had a lengthy conversation about his future….of course I heard his reasons why he wasn’t completing his assignments but he promised me that now that football was over he won’t have any reason not to complete his assignments.

Meanwhile…….I didn’t know my daughter Ann was chatting with her stepmom regarding my son’s (her brother) grades.  According to my daughter the stepmom stated that my son has been acting like an ass to everyone, has been consumed with his girlfriend and made her (stepmom) cry a few times. Well, it all seemed too familiar from last year when he started to snap at me but of course his father only puffed up my sons feathers and never scolded him for disrespecting me….it was more “he needs stability in his life”……ok, so what’s his excuse now???  The stepmom stated that he had better improve his grades by December 6th or else…….no sports, no contact with his girlfriend and whatever else they will (NEVER) enforce.

Ann and I both found this quite entertaining because if I was still there my son would have never gone to Knotts with his father or would be going to Magic Mountain with his girlfriend next week……my son would be spending all of Thanksgiving vacation making up all his missing assignments and any extra credit work that I was able to convince his teachers to give him………….like I have in the past!!

Ann knows this to be true considering I had to do this with her from time to time…..especially at the end of her senior year!!

“Mom, I can’t believe that he isn’t grounded….I got grounded for just getting a D. I had everything taken away from me..phone…computer…I had to come straight home, I HAD NO LIFE” I heard her frustration loud and clear.  “Well, you know your dad and his TECHNIQUE….you would think with him being a “teacher” he would help your brother out of this slump” we both broke out into a fit of laughter.

It frustrates me not to have the control that I use to. Just seeing him huff and puff when I told him that I knew about his assignments that are due and that I would like to see them once completed was simply entertaining….but I knew I was doing my part as a parent. My ex’s philosophy is that my son is old enough that I shouldn’t have to be on him constantly, that it is HIS choice if he wants to fail….. (HRH said this about our daughter, Ann as well) …..My thought was that it is OUR responsibility as parents to make sure that our kids graduate and if we have to ride them every flipping day then so be it. Yes, it’s exhausting having to email the teachers weekly, to call them if need be……to beg for makeup work or at least ½ credit when a late assignment is turned in, but again……that’s our job!!

~ screw it…I don’t care if I am in another state; it’s time for me to email some teachers!!!

 

Quick follow up :

I emailed his teachers and pretty much found out that he can’t make up his assignments…well he can but he won’t get any credit for it because of how late they are.

I emailed his father and informed him of what I found out, his response was short …..

It doesn’t matter if his girlfriend is in the picture or not. He is doing what he does best and that’s get lazy. He understands the consequences if he blows it. He wants his girlfriend to go with us when we go Christmas caroling this year; however, he won’t be bringing her if he doesn’t get C’s or better. He already spoke with his stepmom. Not to mention the fact that he has to stay eligible for athletics. He’ll get it together or he will pay the consequences like Ann almost did!

His last sentence almost made me send him a little note but I refrained …..

But I would have said something like this :

Ann graduated her senior year because she had everything taken away from her, I emailed her teachers weekly…begged them to give her extra credit and allow her to turn in missing assignments. Do I have to remind you that you kicked her out of your home and told her that she was a bad influence for your children? I not only had to pick her up emotionally but also had to find a way to have her see that her distraction was nothing but a loser who had nothing better to do then pick up seventeen year olds on the internet!! Thankfully she found her way and did graduate………….but that wasn’t your doing.

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Sincerity bit me in the ass ….

I just heard the most hilarious thing ever…..actually it was borderline ridiculous, nauseating and hilarious all rolled into one.

The town I grew up in is quite small, well not one traffic light small but small enough that people like to share other people’s business with others for example; recent hook-ups, who’s dating who, guess who’s getting divorced and guess who I spotted with your ex.

At this point in my life if Mr.Crazy found happiness then good for him…..everyone needs to find their true love, right? so, when I heard that an old schoolmate of mine was now dating him I wasn’t too shocked because again, it’s a small town and nothing surprises me anymore.

While on Facebook the other day I saw her on another friends (schoolmate) page and friended her, because at one time we did hang out in high school and I truly wanted to see how things were going on in her life. Then today while skimming my lovely Facebook page there was a picture of her with Mr.Crazy… the first reaction I had was to find the nearest trash can because just seeing him made me want to throw up my just consumed skinny vanilla latte. “What the hell did I ever see in him…..UCK!”  I thought to myself.  It’s pretty much the same reaction when I see the woman who my husband use to date “UCK!!” ….. seriously I have no idea what he saw in them…..one looks like a stocky tranny.  ….BUT love is blind.

After my nausea passed I actually was happy for my schoolmate, she looked happy. I sent her a quick message stating that I wished them the best, because obviously that picture was posted on FB (today) for a reason.  She responded rather quickly, thanking me and also mentioning that she was sorry that things didn’t go well between Mr.Crazy and I.  “Ohhhh shit girl don’t be sorry…it shouldn’t have ever happened” is what I wanted to send back…..but I sent her back a rather sincere message stating that I am where I was always meant to be and that my relationship with Mr.Crazy was just toxic (some people are just not meant to be together)…but that I hope that they find the happiness that they deserve within one another.  She thanked me and I went on about my day, feeling actually relieved that Mr.Crazy has moved on and will no longer hassle me or stalk my blog.

Now…… here comes the funny part.

(ten minutes later)

I get a message from her stating  “you only friend requested me because of Mr.Crazy, that must mean you aren’t over him or what happened. Which makes me feel bad for your husband and I hope that you will be able to move on and truly live your life”  ….. when I read this I laughed so hard that a co-worker peeked into my office to see what was so funny.  I quickly corrected any misconceptions she had  as nicely as I could….because what I really wanted to say was this :

“You’re kidding right? I left him …. I faked early menopause just so I he wouldn’t touch me.I put two restraining orders out on him. I regret ever being with that man and falling for his nice guy image. I fell out of love with him way before our marriage came to a crumbling halt…..if you don’t believe any of this let me direct you to my blog and there you can read all about  Mr.Crazy and his in ability to move on…..and seriously LOOK at my husband and then look at him…..enough side”

But……I didn’t….she will have to learn on her own. He can feed her lie after lie…..it doesn’t matter, it’s not my problem. I seriously was happy for both of them and actually now I can see they are meant for one another…..they are both looney!!!

~ needed the laugh though but still the thought that someone thinks I’m hung up on that gives me the heebie jeebies….uck!!

 

Kissed my fair share of douche bags

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I came across a post today that really got me thinking about the men from my past and the jaunt down memory lane wasn’t full of sunshine and wild flowers…..the memories were borderline nauseating and of pure disgust …why in God’s name did I even waste so much time with the douche bags that I dated, for putting all my eggs in one basket AND for thinking that fate was on my side?

Hacker.Ninja.Hooker.Spy spoke about her high school crush and the attempt to see if he happened to be her long lost love years later, unfortunately he turned out to be a royal class douche bag…….she then asked the question “ Have you ever attempted to reunite with a long lost love?  Has a former Dreamboat ended up being a current Douche bag? And what’s the deal with closure–is it even worth pursuing?

I don’t know what I was thinking, seriously…..why did I think that I would have that love story where my high school crush would be my one and only? That only happens in the movies but during my 13 years of singledom I watched a lot of chick flick  “Happily ever after, girl gets guy after pinning for him for years” movies.

This all started once the “The Major” (now husband) and I broke up eleven years ago for various reasons, one being his job…he moved to Pennsylvania. One day I found myself  scrolling on classmates.com and ran across the name that brought back pleasant high school memories. There were 2 men from my high school that when I was a freshman they made my days on that campus worth living….they were both seniors. This one in particular grabbed my attention years later, I will call him Viagra Boy. I saw on his profile that he was single….and I quickly sent him a cute-funny-couldn’t possibly not reply message and wouldn’t you know I got a message back the following day. I instantly reverted back to my freshman self, my hands shook, and I couldn’t breathe. His message was entertaining and quite flirty, but he was honest (the only time he was) about not knowing who I was but this didn’t stop our correspondence.

Throughout the next couple months we wrote and visited each other than he asked me to move in with him….which was a big step because this would mean that I would have to get used to living with a man again and two, I would have to leave an amazing town and move to butt fuck Egypt ; Ridgecrest Ca. I loved him though and we talked all the time about getting married, he even asked what type of ring I wanted.  We moved into a nice house in February and instantly I knew something was off….he would leave just to make calls, he was always on the phone with his ex-wife and his once attentive self was nowhere to be found. Long story short ~ he told me that he was still in love with his stripper ex-wife and hadn’t gotten over her, then his weekends to his parents was just his cover story to go up north to whore around with some woman he met on yahoo personals. Which when I found his personal ad, I was floored when he wrote that he was single and looking for a nice girl to get involved with.  I couldn’t believe what was happening, within months of us moving in together my life turned into a nightmare, I was living in HELL!!  It took me a while to recover from that experience and move from that place….but do you think I learned my lesson and stayed away from classmates.com. HELL NO!!

When I finally moved from BFE I attempted to have my happily ever after story again…that’s where MarkyMark (no not from the Funky Bunch) came in. I am pretty sure I contacted him through classmates and then moved to facebook. We hit it off; dated ….and then we decided I would move in with him, which brought me back to my hometown. Things seemed really good, I overlooked his obsessive behavior regarding laundry, scratching one corner of his pillow, his desire to play with Grover (yes from Sesame Street) and take pictures of him (Grover) doing bizarre things, not of sexual nature. We had fun …. but he also became very secretive, he would text his ex girlfriend naughty messages which led to “do you want to make out?”, he was addicted to pain meds, he had a short temper and then there was the 9 months he found himself in the despairs of depression. Nothing I did brought him back to the guy I left  everything for and I found myself sinking down with him…….I finally moved out but that only pissed him off more. The day that I was moving my things from his home he grabbed his gun and told me that if anyone came into the house he wouldn’t be afraid to use it. I made certain that the ones who were assisting me stayed in the garage and knew of his paranoia.

Healing from that experience wasn’t easy, but I was introduced to Mr. Crazy (2nd husband) a few months later….come to find out he graduated from my high school and yes, my head went there…. “Ohhh this must be fate!!! This is why I was brought here…because he’s the guy that would complete my happily ever after -went to the same school story”….boy was I dead wrong. For those who have read this blog knows that my marriage to Mr. Crazy should have never happened. It was the only relationship that I ever regret getting into; it was the first time I ever had to deal with someone with a mental illness and a monstrous anger issue…..our personalities clashed in many ways. Our marriage ended one week before our one year anniversary.

I was tested one last time …. remember at the beginning of this post how I spoke of two seniors that took my breath away my freshman year, well the other one contacted me. I think I friended him on Facebook but when I got a message from him asking how I knew him, we started to talk about our great high school memories, he had more than me. We talked from time to time but then his true douche bag colors came out “send me a pic” he didn’t want just an ordinary pic….he wanted something skanky. There was NO way I was going to fall for that. His conversations were bizarre and all those days of day dreaming about this jock while in English class were spoiled. This man needed to just stop talking….I couldn’t believe how this man could have such an Adonis complex, he looked nothing like he did in high school 20 years ago…..yeah he had the muscles but that was all that was going for him.

~ my love story wasn’t suppose to include a man from my high school, my love story was supposed to begin and end with a handsome Major that rocked my world ten years ago. …………….but I had to learn this the hard way!!

Today’s Guest Blogger – My Daughter, Ann (there was no bribing involved)

I am so happy about today’s Guest Blogger because she is my nineteen year old daughter, Ann. No, there was no bribing involved or threats………well I take that back, I did “threaten” to change the Barnes and Nobles password if she didn’t get this post to me on time. I know….I’m so mean!  

Ann loves to write and I thought this would give her the opportunity to share her short stories or her opinion on something that matters to her, never in a million years did I think she would choose to write about …………..me. 

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My mother and I have one of the best mother and daughter relationships there is. I consider her a best friend and a momma! I go to her for about almost everything, from the latest family gossip and daughter issues..to what her cat brought home at 6 am! She will always come to my need whenever I need my mother and not just as a best friend.. (which every girl needs!!)…But it wasn’t always all so hunky dory like it is now! And that’s where my story begins.   😉

I have bits and pieces that I remember about my mom as a little girl, most of them involved me getting in trouble hahaha I wasn’t always the innocent little angel my amazing mother writes about ;)–  i have always been the rebellious child! I was always running around at the age of 3 making my mom tear her hair out! She would try to spank me with a wooden spoon and i would laugh at her because it didn’t hurt! (yea i was a little brat! haha) But she still stood her ground with me as much as she could haha, taking me to the hospital countless times– because i had a fascination with sticking lint and fabric softener sheets up my nose! (THEY SMELLED GOOD!), she would care for my wounds with frozen peas and reward me with our favorite ice cream cones! She was my protector against monsters under my bed (i never slept in my room.. i always somehow made my way into the living room to sleep next to her on the sofa).. i was her backup singer every time a Shania Twain song came on through the radio. Though i was an evil little brat towards her all the time, she (being the mother she is) took care of me and my 2 other siblings to the best of her ability.

As you may already know from her past blogs, due to money issues and other complications, she had my siblings and myself move away to california with my dad. I will always remember that day i left, she was strong! I don’t even remember her crying! Though, at the time i didn’t know i was going to be moving away for good, i knew she wasnt going to be coming with us. And it was sad, because i was loosing my mother! And in a 4 yr olds mind that was a HUGE deal! She stayed strong for us that day, and assured me that we were going to have fun!.. Yes, that trip was a fun one, but over the next few years I barely ever got to see her that much.

Growing up, I won’t lie I felt abandoned by my mom because i did not know why she had to make the decision she did. It was hard at times, but i was with my dads family and times were good! I was part of a military family and moved and traveled a lot, so i knew we wouldn’t always see her. We would call each other, i would share secrets with her like mother and daughter, and we would see each other when we got the chance and money, but it wasnt until we moved back into the same town together did we rekindle our relationship.

I was just starting out in highschool when we moved near each other, and like any girl, i definitely needed my mother through those years. I grew closer to her, and shared secrets about boys and other girly things. We would have Sex and The City marathons! Read twilight together when i was going through that phase haha. She became my work out partner! We did EVERYTHING together. Yes we had many many many fights where we butted heads and exchanged some pretty nasty comments, but those really didn’t last long– due mainly to the fact that we loved to gossip and laugh and be with each other.

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Yes, our mother/daughter relationship didn’t sit well with some people — they felt like there should be a fine line to what mother and daughters should act like with each other. We should not share clothes, hang out as much as we did, talk about the things we did, or even confide in the stuff we did. BUT, we didn’t pay attention to their opinions hahaha because we were happy and best friends!!! She stood by me when there was no one else to stand by me, when I was all alone and had no money when i moved to college, she would call me and send me care packages and money when had nothing! My mom has been there for me through thick and thin, and my teammate when i was ganged up on. She has been the one person I confide in, my bestfriend, my gossip buddy haha, and most of all my mother!

I am blessed to have her by my side (though we live states apart), and no matter what people may think i am blessed to have such an amazing relationship with her.She has been through hell and back, not just with dealing with me, but with her life itself. AND I LOVE HER GUTS MORE THAN ANYTHING EVER! 🙂

~ Ann

I hope you enjoyed today’s post………..see there is hope out there for those parents who are at their wits end with their rumbustious child or rebellious teen. There is a silver lining………there will come a time when the lightbulb will come on and they will realize that you are in fact not the “worst parent ever”. For those of you that want to read  a little bit more on why I made very difficult decision for my kids to live with my ex-husband (their father) you can read about it here:

1. Open letter to my twenty something self  

2. Knowing what I know now 

I hated to read how my daughter felt abandoned and although we worked through that throughout the years it still pains me to read because I know that my ex-husband and his family played a huge part with telling my children that I “didn’t want them anymore” or “couldn’t handle them” which was so far from the truth. Again, I hope you take the time to read the links above. 

My brief escape from my chaotic life

Last week I was featured as a Guest Blogger on Suzie81blog…. I thought I would share that post with all of you!!

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As I was sitting in seat 2F getting ready for a weekend of relaxation and a brief escape from my life, I felt the rumble of the plane speeding down the tarmac, my chest being pulled to the back of the seat as the plane lifted off the ground. I stared out the window and felt an overwhelming sense of emotion. As I looked down below and saw California getting further and further away I felt a giant release of the stress that I have been kept captive of for the last few months. Tears started to well up in my eyes; I was determined to leave my troubles and anxiety behind me for the next few days. As the plane started to level off, I looked out at the darkness beside me and flashbacks of the many times that I cried and the overwhelming unease that I had felt over too me. It was at that moment, I realized that I needed to move forward and not dwell on the last few months and to enjoy the next three days of no stress that was going to start as soon as the plane set down at JFK airport. That’s when I closed my eyes and a slight smile appeared across my face.

“Good Morning folks, 30 minutes until we make our descent into JFK” I slowly began to look around, the man next to me was still asleep, the flight attendant looked at me and gave me a welcoming smile. I began straightening myself up and tried not to look like I didn’t get any sleep during the flight. In just a short while I was going to set foot in New York once again….I seriously never thought I would be back considering the person that I was meeting at the airport was a man who I was involved with for a year and our break up was not so pleasant.

Although, there had been tension after the breakup it seemed as though our chapter was just not quite finished, somehow we remained friends and to our surprise our friendship never died. Logan was the one that made this escape possible and as New York became visible through the breaking clouds I began to feel anxious on so many levels. I was excited to see him, but scared to have those old emotions that I locked up be released because I was in no way ready to revisit them and I knew that once I saw him and his warm smile I had to somehow break down a little of the wall that I built up, not from him exactly but from men in general. Then as those anxious feelings swarmed through out my body, they were put to rest when I heard “Welcome to JFK”. I was back, and I was going to see a very special friend in just a few minutes. As I looked out the window to a somewhat cloudy day, New York was there greeting me. I took a deep breath and quietly told myself “you deserve this and it’s time to move forward. Jolene it’s time to reclaim yourself”

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I knew I looked horrible, who doesn’t after taking a red-eye flight? Blotchy skin, dark circles under the eyes and I knew that blemish that was on my chin took on a new life of its own during that 4 ½ hour flight, and although I tried to conceal some of those obvious not so appealing spots on my face with face powder, Logan didn’t give me any clues that he thought the same way and if he did he played it off very well, at least he didn’t bolt in the other direction. There he was, with that big smile on his face and an awaiting hug to give “just breath and damnit smile”…why was I so nervous? finally we were standing right in front of each other and I looked right into his eyes and knew that I had nothing to worry about …for the first time in a long while I felt safe.

Daily Prompt: Dear Mr. Crazy

If she would have loved me as much as she writes about me then we would still be together

This was something Mr. Crazy had written not to long ago on his so-called blog. It was in his admission to following my blog. I thought his statement was quite silly if you ask me. So let me just clarify a few things for him, because it’s time for him to move on.

Dear Mr.Crazy,

First, thank you for saying that I am an amazing writer; amazing hardly…mediocre I will accept and secondly when you are mentioned in one of my posts it’s because either WordPress has a Daily Prompt that may trigger a not so good memory that may benefit others or simply you have overstepped your boundaries in regards to my kids or insulted me on Facebook. Although you posted an apology to my daughter after she contacted you regarding insulting me via Facebook and admitted your wrongful doing it was clearly for show because you sent her the link to your website where it’s full of lingering depression and hate for her mother.

Yes, your alias is Mr.Crazy because simply you are, plus you’re license plate THAT YOU CREATED states this….which should have clued me in on the man I would soon be involved with.

Our relationship/marriage was something that should have never happened. We were both in a place where we were longing for someone to love and I guess fill that place where loneliness resides. We may have been better off friends than lovers but maybe not. Our relationship didn’t work….we were like oil and vinegar, fire and water, cat and dog, Newman and Seinfeld. We were constantly in therapy because of our different views on life, marriage and raising our children. You would often go back on your promises, especially ones instructed by our counselor….remember the “no contacting my first husband and discussing our relationship with him or YOUR MOTHER”…..well you broke that many times over………..yes I get it, you have this obsession to be His Royal Highness (1st husband), to fit in, to be accepted by him and his friends…….you pretty much made your choice pretty much like I choose Lily (furgirl) over you.

Yes, I settled when I married you. Yes, I should have never married with the thought of “well I guess this is all there is” and I shouldn’t have married you knowing that you would never measure up to the one man my heart craved for years …… if no other man from my past was able to conquer this large feat than how could you? Yes, me and this man stayed friends but we never crossed those lines while you and I were together, (living under the same roof) contrary to what you believe and what you have told others….I never cheated on you. I never contacted him in the wee hours of the night like you did with your co-worker……it was purely a friendship, he knew I wouldn’t break my vows no matter how dysfunctional our marriage was. Yes, maybe I shouldn’t have told you that there was a slight possibility that we could reconcile our marriage but seriously I only said this so you wouldn’t attempt suicide again and although we visited your therapist a couple of times, he knew that this marriage was over just as much as I did. You lashed out at your anger management counselor when he didn’t agree with the way you were thinking. WHO DOES THAT??  after your outburst I knew your classes weren’t having any effect. ……and he was right when he said “Divorce happens it’s no ones fault”

Our marriage was doomed from the start…..I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I hurt you but you ended up not being the man who you portrayed yourself to be. I fell out of love with you way before that dreadful day and as much as you want to think I didn’t try hard enough to make this marriage work……I did. I tried. EVERYONE saw this….but I was not going to continue to live in a harmful,dysfunctional environment for twenty plus years…..I wasn’t going to be one of those women who just stays …to stay…because if I learned anything from my experience when I left my first husband at the age of 22…..if I could survive that; I could survive anything.

Just to clarify and make this easy for you to understand………….when you are mentioned it is to shed light on a relationship that was not positive, I write about how it affected me and the outcome of the situation. I write in hopes that my story reaches someone who is currently going through the same thing……who is with someone with Bi-Polar, who has anger issues, who has stalker tendencies, who enjoys playing the “my wife cheated on me” card (which I never did……our marriage ENDED on that one horrible day,  who I did or saw after that dreadful day is my business…..I didn’t cheat on you while we were living together……but if you are basing your accusations on what happened after THAT day….then you cheated as well). I write because it’s cheaper than therapy……but I also write because I know my story, my experiences, my journey can help someone. It’s that simple…..I don’t bring you up because I secretly long for you so please don’t think that. You have good qualities about you but you allow others to influence the person you are truly meant to be, you haven’t found YOU yet and I don’t believe that you will find true love until you do.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/daily-prompt-first/

Daily Post : Open Letter to my twenty something self

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Dear Jolene,

I know you are in a dark place right now but please don’t give up. I know it would be such an easy fix to just end it all but you can’t. Don’t listen to that piece of shit ex-husband of yours when he says that the kids would be better off if you were no longer in their life. Don’t let his evilness plague you, it’s his own selfish need to reign on top in their eyes that keeps him going. Yes, he will continue to tell your children that you didn’t want anything to do with them but you know the truth and one day they will to. They will know that you cried for months before turning to him for help, you knew he might revel in the fact that you needed him; that you couldn’t make it on your own without his assistance but I know you thought he had changed you thought he was a better person than that. You believed him when he said that he was glad to help, plus it was time for him to get to know his children and be the father that they need.

I wish I could hold you through your pain and sadness but you did the right thing. You didn’t give up on your children, your decision to let your kids live with their father while you get it together was out of love for them. You knew him and his wife could offer them more than you could right now and to be surrounded by family would only create life long memories for them. They could offer them an abundance of love, daily laughter, holidays that they will remember, moments that they can treasure. You did the right thing trust me. Yes, it’s difficult to be without your children on a daily basis and that hole in your heart will only be temporary filled when you hear them on the other end of the phone or when you wrap your arms around them  and see their beautiful faces staring back at you.

You did this for them remember that. You will show them that with perseverance and faith that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Yes, you only make minimum wage and are working a crappy job but this will lead to so much more. Don’t give up please…..plus you don’t want him to win and you know he will feel vindicated and his words true if you give up. I know you hate the poison that he seeps into your children’s head but one day they will learn the truth, one day they will feel it in their heart that you did this for them and that your choices weren’t based on a selfish need.

Lessons you will learn and some lessons are big, but you need to realize that you are a lot stronger than you realize. You are not alone on this journey remember that, turn to God when you struggle he will pick you up. You will experience heartache, you will experience the endless desire to seek your parents approval which my dear will never come so please don’t make that a priority, live for your children, love but not too hard, yes protect that giving heart of yours but when that one special man comes around you will know……but it won’t be for sometime, A LONG TIME…..he will leave but God has a plan…just trust in him. Please.

I hope this finds you some peace. I’m not going to lie and sugar coat things because I know you hate that so I will say that it will be a tough road but it’s worth it in the end.

Remember, I love you

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Facebook: Friend, Foe or a way to see if someone has one too many screws loose

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When I started Facebook it was mainly to  keep an eye on my children, keep in touch with close friends and family, it was also a great way to avoid going to High School reunions…..but I guess I really didn’t need Facebook for that considering all I needed to do was walk into Costco or attend our yearly fair and *poof*   I see many faces that I went to school with……we smile, wave, pass by with a whispered hello. Which to be honest I’m ok with ……it saves me from having to hit the gym and starve myself!!

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Facebook is a great place to show how wishy washy you really are.It’s also a great way to see if the man/woman you are thinking about dating has any screws loose.  If in one post they state that they are great and on top of the world, an hour later they post that they are angry as hell , 3 hours later they post a positive affirmation about life,love and happiness, ten minutes later they are sad and hate being alone…..stop the roller coaster and get off ……..and some how tell the person to please choose a personality and STICK WITH IT.

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Some have used their Facebook page as their own personal soapbox to insult and air out other people’s  dirty laundry, when in fact their own laundry stinks like the shit they produce. People need to take into consideration the people who are reading your Facebook page like children….friends….family…clergy….etc.  I guess this is the only way they can get sympathy from others.  There have been moments that I would loved to have climbed up on my Facebook soapbox and dish out a good load of whip ass on someone, but then again I’m not twelve.

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A friend of mine alerted me that Mr. Crazy got on his soapbox AGAIN this past weekend and thought that it was alright to post awful things about his children’s mother on FB….then his post somehow turned into a post about me. He clearly located my blog; which let me take a moment and thank him for increasing my stats!!! I knew he would eventually locate it……the man has nothing better to do then hang on to his past…..why??

He went onto mention how I love blogging more than my children and how I left my children for a man, well it’s obvious that his head is still far up his ass to see the light of day….but I didn’t leave my son for another man. My 17 year old son had a choice (you can read about it here : A little bit of this and a whole lot of that) and he was really thinking about moving with me but he was fearful of his father’s wrath and being shunned by the family just like what happened when my daughter chose to live with me…..ohhhh I can’t forget the cute little nickname he bestowed on me………..The Dementor hahhaha…..

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A Dementor is considered one of the foulest to inhabit the world that they feed off human happiness, and thus cause depression and despair to anyone near them……..hmmmm well considering he brought everyone down with his foul attitude, months and months of depression and unable to get a job…he was the one that  sucked the happiness out of our home. It’s really difficult to maintain a lovely happy home when there’s someone constantly down on himself and depressed because life just won’t go his way……well he HAD a wife that loved him but failed to see that until it was TOO LATE!!

Of course during his rant, he got plenty of comments about how karma will take it’s course and that it was great that he wasn’t keeping quiet anymore. First off it’s been a year and a half !!! secondly….Karma?? really…. would these woman who are cheering him on  like to the link to this blog so they can fully read the WHOLE story not just the watered down version that he feeds them….because at one time he told me horrible things about his ex-wife making me feel so sorry for him, but of course this is the mans hook, casting out the  poor mistreated man who got left by his horrible ex wife line, flippin hooked me..stupid, I know…..and thirdly, he hasn’t been quiet…….he has told his version to everyone who would listen many times over.Then I saw it, a comment from my daughter asking him to please stop talking bad about her mother. Wow!!…..what an awesome girl she is!!!    He replied that he was tired of holding his tongue blah blah blah……well she responded again, advising him that he was being two-faced and was acting just like her father  when he would talk ill of me.

I just felt bad for his children and mine because in one comment he states how he loves them yet he can publicly throw stones at us……..what type of man could do this?

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Needless to say it seems my daughters words helped because he removed the post and submitted an apology to her in its place. I was just glad that his children and mine wouldn’t see his rant  regarding their mother. I would never post or tell his children about his demons or how he ended up spending Thanksgiving weekend tucked away somewhere…….there are just some things you just need to keep to yourself and if you can’t well……

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“Mom, you’re going to blog about this right??” ……. “Of course Ann, why wouldn’t I ….this is pretty funny….ohhh and please from now on call me the Dementor!!”  

Daily Prompt: Keep Out

There was a time that I feared that Mr. Crazy (2nd husband) and His Royal Highness (1st husband) would come across this blog, leave awful “anonymous” comments about how no one wants to read about my pathetic life or how my post was one-sided(these were just a couple of their past comments that they wrote on a previous blog) and then eventually stir up drama, bring my children into it and then eventually I would coward down, raise my white flag and shut another blog down.

I allowed them to bully me and have control over me yet again, just like when we were married. I noticed that although I wasn’t with them  any longer I allowed their negative words to take hold of me AGAIN ….. but it came a point that I had to tell myself “Enough is Enough”. Why would I continue to allow these two insecure men to stop me from doing what I enjoy?  I love blogging!

When I started to blog again and created Valley Girl Gone Country a few months ago, I used an alias but then I thought how silly that was. There was no need to hide any longer, if they happened to come across my blog then so be it…..but it would only contradict what they posted previously(on another blog) about “no one wanting to read about my pathetic life”, because why would they sit for hours on end trying to locate my blog, read it and then have a pow wow session between the two of them?

Writing makes me feel good and I will never allow anyone to stop me from doing what I love again…..lesson learned!!

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Ohhh guess what, your son was at Mr.Crazys house this past weekend……….WHAT???

This post was a long time coming. I debated, pondered, deleted and then I was made aware of something that happened over the weekend that really ticked me off.

A few months ago I noticed that my children were Facebook “friends” with Mr.Crazy (my second husband) …….why in the world would my kids accept his request knowing full well the crap he put me through?  I remember my son telling me “mom he’s changed” yeah ok whatever ….men like him don’t change, they can snap at any moment……my son of all people knew of all that occurred under that mans roof and the many times he would warn me before entering the house not to set Mr.Crazy off.  My son would stay in his room just to avoid him….he couldn’t stand his monstrous rages or his stupidity. It wasn’t until I noticed that Ann accepted his friendship that I began to wonder what the heck was going on, did she forget that  it was him that lifted his hand to her, that it was him that she struggled with in the hallway of our home….I couldn’t understand this.  “Mom, he is still paying for my phone …. I just feel obligated to friend him”. I told Ann that the only reason he has kept her on his plan was to track her calls, to find my new number and plus he wanted to somehow look like a good guy to my ex-husband (his idol, my first husband). I also advised her that once the contract ends that he will most likely cancel the service and that it really was time for her to get on her own plan and stop relying on a man who should NOT be in her life.

Knowing that all three kids are “friends” with this man makes my skin crawl. If only they knew the horrible things he had said behind their back…..I remember him calling my son horrible, hateful names, making fun of my oldest daughters religion and weight and then calling Ann a lazy,fat pig and this was to her face. They all witnessed his horrible anger that was unleashed unto us, they all witnessed his scowl, they all witnessed how he treated me through out our short-lived marriage and how after I left him he continuously created havoc in my life. They all knew the fear I had of him……but still that seems not to matter to my kids.

I recently was told that my son spent some time this past weekend over at Mr.Crazys home…..he was playing a board game with Mr.Crazys little minions but still it was the thought that my son who at one time was all about protecting me was over at the house of the man who had unleashed such beastly anger towards me and my children a couple of years back. I don’t know who he is fooling……Ann mentioned to me several times that his Facebook page is full of “feel sorry for me” posts and silly affirmations about life.

Do I think Mr.Crazy has a handle on his anger…….hell no!! I still can remember the time he “butt dialed” me and in the background I heard him yell and threaten his youngest boy. I remember being in one of our counseling appointments (the therapist happened to be his anger management counselor as well) and he started to become belligerent and unruly with the man who was trying to help him get control of his anger. This man can go from calm to crazy in no time flat, shit if you stare at him wrong all hell could break loose……it’s even worse if he’s off his meds.

The last contact I had with Mr.Crazy was when he called me at three in the morning and told me that he knew my apartment complex had no security cameras and then he started to unravel at the seams…..the following day I went to the courthouse to get a restraining order put against him to protect me and my son (my girls live in another state). My ex (1st husband) was livid at me for doing this and thought that I provoked Mr.Crazys call…..and then my son called me and told me that Mr.Crazy would never hurt him……well, that’s what I thought to but that didn’t stop him from laying his hands on my daughter,Lily (my furkid) and myself.

I guess in a way for them to friend him or decide to hang with Mr.Crazy shows me that they condone his behavior, the past and the present. If it was me,  I would never continue a friendship with someone who has no regard for my family ….. who would lay a finger on my children ….. who would threaten or stalk them. He fooled me plenty of times and he continues to fool others……it’s just sad that my sons father is oblivious to Mr. Crazys antics. This man needs to get a life, this man needs to stay out of every part of mine…….he makes me sick, it makes me sick just thinking that my son was in THAT house again.

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Side note :  Yes, I understand that my kids are old enough to do what they want and be “friends” with whomever, crazy neurotic people included……I just needed to vent and get this off my chest……..now, it’s time to enjoy today.

Happy Fourth Everyone!!