My friend really needs to give up juggling!!

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It took every ounce of me not to say “I warned you, Karmas a bitch and now you are feeling her wrath” but I couldn’t, she’s still my friend but I did let her know how disappointed I was in her for breaking the heart of someone who always treated her well.

About a month and a half ago I wrote about my good friend Maries choice to leave Surfer Boy and go back to Mr.Douchebag (you can read about it here :Love doesn’t leave bruises) as far as I knew she had broken things off with Surfer Boy and was now probably walking on egg shells trying not to set off Mr.DB; she really didn’t mention much to me over the past month because I felt she knew I wasn’t a fan of her choice.

I was so wrong……she had taken up a new sport, juggling……men.

Friday evening I received a message through Facebook from Surfer boy…I thought it was a bit strange at first but figured he must be contacting me because he wanted to get her back. I was wrong. What I read was disheartening.

“I have been crushed to find out that Marie has been cheating on me. Next time warn me, I put my heart and soul into her only to find how sneaky and horrible she has been behaving has really hurt me. Hope she Is happy with “DouchBag”, she and that POS deserve each other. the open condom wrapper was the first sign, did I mention it wasn’t mine. I’m so grossed out and feel sick to my stomach Aloha”

I was shocked…..well actually no, I wasn’t shocked because this is typical Marie behavior she always has to have a back-up. I sent him back a message telling him that I was sorry that she hurt him but I thought she had ended things over a month ago.

“She had sex with me a week ago, it was a week ago today and it was right before I went to go teach her kids to surf all afternoon. i just went and bought a tree with her and her put it in her home. I feel all alone and betrayed and deeply sad and hurt. I treated her like my partner, her kids like my own. she had been planning a family with me. Marriage, kids, etc. I guess I wasn’t rich enough, I didn’t know she was so materialistic.”

The more I heard the more pissed off I became. She needed to stop this behavior, this wasn’t some playboy…. this was one of the good guys, plus there were kids involved. I went back to messages that Marie and I exchanged discussing her choice to leave Surfer boy for Mr.Douchebag and that per their “rules for reconciling” they could not have any contact with exes OR ELSE it was over….and they had to delete their Facebook pages. I knew this would be hard for Marie, but I also knew she would do anything to be back in the arms of DB.

As I was about to log off of Facebook I saw that Surfer Boy let his broken heart be known and told all of Facebook land that he has been cheated on. “Ohhh shit” ….. I had to let Marie know before she got a message from someone else. I pretty much told her that I was so disappointed to find out that she had been cheating on Surfer Boy and that I thought she had ended it with him. “Why are you getting involved?” she asked.  “He involved me….and now has involved all his Facebook friends”. She told me that Surfer Boy was in denial and that she hadn’t slept with him…..her story was full of holes and when I mentioned certain details that I knew she was silent. “You don’t know him so why share things with him that I told you?”

“You’re right I don’t know him…..but I know things you have told me about him. You told me that he reminded you of Terri…the man that you regret ever hurting….the man you cheated on for your now ex husband. Surfer boy was good to you and your daughters…he was genuine. He was one of the good guys that didn’t deserve to be cheated on or hurt. You NEED TO STOP THIS!! You need to stop hurting people and messing with people’s heart. You don’t like it when it’s done to you so why do it to others?”

She continued to tell me that he was crazy and delusional  …..which were things she would say about all the other men that she hurt in the past. I just wanted off this roller coaster ride ….  as the night went on, I didn’t hear anything more from her or Surfer boy.. I tried to shake off the funk but I knew deep down Marie was going to come face to face with Miss Karma herself.

“Douche Bag broke up with her, I sent him an email last night, now I’m the consolation prize but I’m not going to be anyones second choice” Surfer boy messaged me the next morning.

Damn!!!  Good for him I thought!  I told him that I was sorry that she hurt him and that he deserved someone who would be true to him and his daughter. Somehow I thought that I needed to apologize for my friends behavior but she’s a grown woman who created this mess…..so why was I apologizing for her? I was more embarrassed about her behavior than anything.

I never told her that I knew that Mr.Douchebag broke up with her and I never heard from Marie …… I didn’t think I would…..but something tells me that she’s not done with DB and she’s doing everything possible to clear her name. ….BUT if DB is really done with her than I hope she learns her lesson. This will be the first time (and I mean it!!) she will be without a man, she won’t have someone to help mend her heart or comfort her, she won’t have a man to feed her ego and whisk her off to beautiful places.

She needs to learn how to be alone ……

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I felt like I was knee deep in high school drama again

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Last night I received a text from one of my dear friends, Marie (otherwise known as “The Maid of Dishonor”) I could tell by the tone of her message that she needed a little assistance to climb down off the ledge that her over active mind helped her up get up on.

“Omg, I’m going to blow!!! He never got rid of these. Are you freaking kidding me?, he’s still following these girls on Facebook. There’s at least ten of them”

The girls she is talking about are of a slutty nature  for example, Jenna Renee ..she sent me a screen shot of one of the women he’s following.

“This is a deal breaker” she said.

Instead of fueling the fire and climbing on the ledge with her, I decided that I wasn’t going to sugar coat things for her. She can’t control who he “follows” on Facebook ….she should know this by now and for heaven sakes it’s Facebook.

“You can’t control who he follows, he’s not liking them outright, he’s human, this is a small issue, nothing to get on his case about, YOU’RE DATING.  He stopped liking those scandalous pictures on his Instagram which updated to his Facebook page when you told him that you felt disrespected ….which it was considering you are helping him brand his image”

I knew she had snooped ….. nothing good ever comes from snooping.

“I disagree. I told him it bothers me and at this point it’s a matter of respect. We have been talking about getting married and this is pretty much a deal breaker. This is a red flag, I’m following my gut on this one”

I felt myself getting overly anxious, I told her she was being ridiculous and before she does anything stupid to really think about what she is doing. She has a habit of “self sabotaging” her relationships…..picking something small out and making it into a Mount Everest situation.  This man wasn’t her ex boyfriend who are a total pig – this man was the total opposite, he made her and her children a priority, he adores her, he isn’t about the drama or the scandalous lifestyle like her exes were.  I mentioned to her that she was letting her insecurities eat her alive, that if this bothered her so much to tell him in a matter of fact way, don’t bite his freakin head off. She already scared him enough with the whole Instagram debacle….shit she made the guy cry!!!! I also reminded her that he probably followed these girls way before she was even in the picture.

“I am very careful with what I put out there because of my job and the fact that I’m friends with clients and other parents, I don’t want to be linked to a guy I’m dating/potentially going to marry that follows a slew of sluts and secondly he uses FB to promote his business…he’s asking me to stand behind his image and brand but this is just trashy and creepy”.

I had a feeling she had an army of girlfriends fueling this man bashing session and I was the only one brave enough to tell her that she was not seeing clearly.

“It’s not like you are running for some government office, no one is going to dig that deep into who you are dating especially to see who he follows. Marie, you are so worried about him crossing the line or how others may see him but you can’t tell me that you don’t put on some extra charm while you are out at these black tie parties and red carpet events. You flirt….do you think that’s ok? Do you think that you are portraying the right image? I’m just saying don’t condemn this man when you aren’t a saint yourself. You can’t control who he follows….plus if you make a big to do about it you are going to remind him of his insecure, jealous ex-wife” I told her.

“why are you saying I flirt, I wouldn’t disrespect him like that. I bring him everywhere” denial…..urgh. It was like talking to a brick wall.

I was exhausted. I wasn’t going to continue to try to reason with her when that’s not what she wants. She’s looking for a way out of this relationship and in typical Marie fashion she is going to pick this one thing and go with it.

“Marie, please don’t make any rash decisions, sleep on it…call your therapist in the morning…..but if you won’t and you break this off because of this “deal breaker” then I hope you stand behind your decision and not waffle….like you tend to do once the guy grovels at your feet, stand firm in your choice and move forward…don’t look back, which you ALWAYS tend to do….don’t fall weakness to your loneliness. Let your choice to end it be the end of your cycle of repeating years of relationship -will never do agains”

She didn’t respond. I knew she wouldn’t.  She doesn’t like hearing the truth….when someone else (her friend Michelle) is stirring the pot and egging on the drama.  It was then that I shook off the heaviness of the past ten minutes, I couldn’t allow her drama become mine.  I know that she won’t see reason until she is happy in her own skin. Drama is usually due to needing attention, when the attention isn’t totally on her she usually bolts, fearing rejection. Granted at times when I have given her advice she will listen and agree that it makes sense but in the end she won’t change.

Facebook: Friend, Foe or a way to see if someone has one too many screws loose

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When I started Facebook it was mainly to  keep an eye on my children, keep in touch with close friends and family, it was also a great way to avoid going to High School reunions…..but I guess I really didn’t need Facebook for that considering all I needed to do was walk into Costco or attend our yearly fair and *poof*   I see many faces that I went to school with……we smile, wave, pass by with a whispered hello. Which to be honest I’m ok with ……it saves me from having to hit the gym and starve myself!!

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Facebook is a great place to show how wishy washy you really are.It’s also a great way to see if the man/woman you are thinking about dating has any screws loose.  If in one post they state that they are great and on top of the world, an hour later they post that they are angry as hell , 3 hours later they post a positive affirmation about life,love and happiness, ten minutes later they are sad and hate being alone…..stop the roller coaster and get off ……..and some how tell the person to please choose a personality and STICK WITH IT.

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Some have used their Facebook page as their own personal soapbox to insult and air out other people’s  dirty laundry, when in fact their own laundry stinks like the shit they produce. People need to take into consideration the people who are reading your Facebook page like children….friends….family…clergy….etc.  I guess this is the only way they can get sympathy from others.  There have been moments that I would loved to have climbed up on my Facebook soapbox and dish out a good load of whip ass on someone, but then again I’m not twelve.

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A friend of mine alerted me that Mr. Crazy got on his soapbox AGAIN this past weekend and thought that it was alright to post awful things about his children’s mother on FB….then his post somehow turned into a post about me. He clearly located my blog; which let me take a moment and thank him for increasing my stats!!! I knew he would eventually locate it……the man has nothing better to do then hang on to his past…..why??

He went onto mention how I love blogging more than my children and how I left my children for a man, well it’s obvious that his head is still far up his ass to see the light of day….but I didn’t leave my son for another man. My 17 year old son had a choice (you can read about it here : A little bit of this and a whole lot of that) and he was really thinking about moving with me but he was fearful of his father’s wrath and being shunned by the family just like what happened when my daughter chose to live with me…..ohhhh I can’t forget the cute little nickname he bestowed on me………..The Dementor hahhaha…..

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A Dementor is considered one of the foulest to inhabit the world that they feed off human happiness, and thus cause depression and despair to anyone near them……..hmmmm well considering he brought everyone down with his foul attitude, months and months of depression and unable to get a job…he was the one that  sucked the happiness out of our home. It’s really difficult to maintain a lovely happy home when there’s someone constantly down on himself and depressed because life just won’t go his way……well he HAD a wife that loved him but failed to see that until it was TOO LATE!!

Of course during his rant, he got plenty of comments about how karma will take it’s course and that it was great that he wasn’t keeping quiet anymore. First off it’s been a year and a half !!! secondly….Karma?? really…. would these woman who are cheering him on  like to the link to this blog so they can fully read the WHOLE story not just the watered down version that he feeds them….because at one time he told me horrible things about his ex-wife making me feel so sorry for him, but of course this is the mans hook, casting out the  poor mistreated man who got left by his horrible ex wife line, flippin hooked me..stupid, I know…..and thirdly, he hasn’t been quiet…….he has told his version to everyone who would listen many times over.Then I saw it, a comment from my daughter asking him to please stop talking bad about her mother. Wow!!…..what an awesome girl she is!!!    He replied that he was tired of holding his tongue blah blah blah……well she responded again, advising him that he was being two-faced and was acting just like her father  when he would talk ill of me.

I just felt bad for his children and mine because in one comment he states how he loves them yet he can publicly throw stones at us……..what type of man could do this?

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Needless to say it seems my daughters words helped because he removed the post and submitted an apology to her in its place. I was just glad that his children and mine wouldn’t see his rant  regarding their mother. I would never post or tell his children about his demons or how he ended up spending Thanksgiving weekend tucked away somewhere…….there are just some things you just need to keep to yourself and if you can’t well……

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“Mom, you’re going to blog about this right??” ……. “Of course Ann, why wouldn’t I ….this is pretty funny….ohhh and please from now on call me the Dementor!!”  

True friends tell it like it is ….Please stop this nonsense!!

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Yesterday, I was speaking with my friend Marie who was distraught over a very recent break-up. I didn’t quite understand why she was upset because she had been trying to find a way to end things with him for months and sorta/kinda moved on with another man but yet she was stating that she screwed up badly and sabotaged the best thing that she ever had. Well “The best thing she ever had” never had time for her, put together a spreadsheet showing when he could fit her into his schedule, disrespected her in front of others, flirted with other woman in front of her, they brought the worse out of each other such as insecurity, jealousy, anger, bruises and to top it off he didn’t like her dog!!!  Her vision of “The best she ever had” was totally off kilter.

“Jolene, he’s a hot commodity here….all the women want him. It felt good to be with him when we were out on the town, just knowing others envied me made me feel good…plus when I was talking to my mom  she mentioned that I needed to stay with the corporate types because they make money”……ok, I was glad she admitted it…… “Marie, remember when Katie Holmes started dating Tom Cruise? She was in awe of him, she loved what he was about; money…glitz ….glamour….for heavens sake he was  her childhood crush and now she was in the spot light being envied by other woman, but after awhile his full crazy showed…….and now look at them”   why I brought up Crazy Cruise is beyond me but she saw my point.

“Marie, you have a man in your life (the new guy) who is giving you all that you ever wished “Corp” would. He’s romantic, thoughtful, giving, he is wonderful with your children and he is drama and chaos free, who cares if he doesn’t wear a suit and tie and makes bookoo bucks, this man adores you. He’s not some bipolar pizza delivery driver (no offense to delivery drivers I was trying to make a point) with no direction, he has his own business and gives back to the community……..in some ways he reminds me of Terry…..and you tossed him aside because your mom said he couldn’t provide for you the way you deserved….now here’s your chance to be with a man who is all about balance but for some reason you think you deserve chaos. You need to stop listening to your mother…..is SHE happy in her marriage? No. Would you be happy with Corp knowing full well that you are just a spot on his spreadsheet?? No….Will you grow to be ok with his anger and flirtatious ways or will it just feed your increasing insecurity? Is this the makings of a long and lasting love???? Uhmmmm NO”

I know I was being somewhat harsh, but sometimes tough love is needed. I remember those times when my Best Friend Jenny would give me those core shaking talks, but it was her honesty and hard cold truth that made me see the light and I love her for that!!

“You’re right” is all she said. I could hear the frustration in her voice. I know she’s conflicted……I just wish that she could see beyond the glitz and glamour that she so wants to be a part of. I feel bad for this new guy who has been waiting patiently for her while she has been playing ring around the rosy with her feelings for Corp……..but  because of certain actions on Maries part Corp won’t speak with her. “Marie, just remember how you felt when you and Joe were ending things and Corp was the “other” guy….it was hard for you to let Joe go to, but you did…..you need to realize that love may not come in a suit and tie, maybe it’s time for you to see how love without  jealousy and doubt feels like, maybe it’s time for your daughters to see their mom happy, maybe it’s time for a good male role model to be part of their life unlike Corp who never fit them into his”

Our conversation was cut short…..but I hope she heard me …REALLY heard me. I just wish she would stop listening to her mother and those high society “it’s all about money” friends……because this is reality not some Real Housewives of “Santa Barbara”.  I just want what’s best for my friend and that’s not Corp, she deserves a real genuine man.

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