In today’s Daily Prompt, we are asked what post made us nervous to publish and how it felt to just set it free. I knew instantly the post(s) that made me second guess hitting the publish button, but as soon as I did I felt a giant weight lifted off my shoulders.
Back in August, there was a daily prompt called “The Open Letter” and I decided to write a letter to my twenty-something self. For myself, it’s always hard to go back to that place in time when life was just full of sadness and heartbreak…..but I had to. I guess I could have taken the easy way out and wrote a fun, silly letter to the people of Walmart, but I needed to do this for myself. It was time for this Valley Girl to get raw and to show those who read my blog a different side of myself.
Here’s my post ” Open Letter to my twenty something self”
I know you are in a dark place right now but please don’t give up. I know it would be such an easy fix to just end it all but you can’t. Don’t listen to that piece of shit ex-husband of yours when he says that the kids would be better off if you were no longer in their life. Don’t let his evilness plague you, it’s his own selfish need to reign on top in their eyes that keeps him going. Yes, he will continue to tell your children that you didn’t want anything to do with them but you know the truth and one day they will to. They will know that you cried for months before turning to him for help, you knew he might revel in the fact that you needed him; that you couldn’t make it on your own without his assistance but I know you thought he had changed you thought he was a better person than that. You believed him when he said that he was glad to help, plus it was time for him to get to know his children and be the father that they need.
I wish I could hold you through your pain and sadness but you did the right thing. You didn’t give up on your children, your decision to let your kids live with their father while you get it together was out of love for them. You knew him and his wife could offer them more than you could right now and to be surrounded by family would only create life long memories for them. They could offer them an abundance of love, daily laughter, holidays that they will remember, moments that they can treasure. You did the right thing trust me. Yes, it’s difficult to be without your children on a daily basis and that hole in your heart will only be temporary filled when you hear them on the other end of the phone or when you wrap your arms around them and see their beautiful faces staring back at you.
You did this for them remember that. You will show them that with perseverance and faith that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Yes, you only make minimum wage and are working a crappy job but this will lead to so much more. Don’t give up please…..plus you don’t want him to win and you know he will feel vindicated and his words true if you give up. I know you hate the poison that he seeps into your children’s head but one day they will learn the truth, one day they will feel it in their heart that you did this for them and that your choices weren’t based on a selfish need.
Lessons you will learn and some lessons are big, but you need to realize that you are a lot stronger than you realize. You are not alone on this journey remember that, turn to God when you struggle he will pick you up. You will experience heartache, you will experience the endless desire to seek your parents approval which my dear will never come so please don’t make that a priority, live for your children, love but not too hard, yes protect that giving heart of yours but when that one special man comes around you will know……but it won’t be for sometime, A LONG TIME…..he will leave but God has a plan…just trust in him. Please.
I hope this finds you some peace. I’m not going to lie and sugar coat things because I know you hate that so I will say that it will be a tough road but it’s worth it in the end.
Remember, I love you
The next day I still had ghosts that I needed to confront so I followed it up with this post “Knowing what I know now” and once the last word was typed I felt free of all the pinned up pain and fear that I have felt all these years.