I’m calling Santa on you

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“Do not open your gift until you call me first”, this is something my children know to do when they get something in the mail from me and as of yesterday I thought my sister knew that to….. I mean I DID tell her to call me.

For me,  it has something to do with hearing them struggle to get all the duct tape off the box, tearing into their neatly wrapped gift …to then hear a bunch of “ohhhhs and ahhhhs” followed by “ohhh myyy goshhhh thankkkkk youuuuu”. I would close my eyes and I would instantly see their beautiful smiles as I continued to hear their excitement about what they received.

I sent a text message to my sister yesterday afternoon telling her that her Christmas present was set to arrive later that day and to call me before she opens it.

“Ok I will” was her response.

In my head I had it all planned out…. she would call me……while she fought to tear off the crazy amount of duct tape I used to seal the box, then she would find a cute Christmas box addressed to her inside and as she picked it up out of the box she would left the lid and see a brand new Coach purse, then as she was in the middle of her “ohhh and ahhs” I would tell her to check the side pocket……and when she did she would see two little Pandora charms; a little sis charm and a snowflake charm.

This isn’t how it went down.

While I was working I was interrupted by the theme song of “Friends”,  it was my sister calling ….. her box must have arrived …. now it was time to hear her reaction.

“Thank you ….ohhh my God Thank you for my present!!! I can’t believe you got me a Coach purse”

“You opened your gift? I told you to call me” I was annoyed…more so then I should have been but I was tired.

“Yeah, I’m sorry but I got excited” she said nonchalantly

I was glad that she liked her present but I was bummed that she didn’t call first.

“Did you look in the  pocket?”

“No?? why”

(fighting back the annoyance)

“This is why I wanted you to call me …… look in the pocket”

“Ohhh cool, I have more charms to put on my bracelet. I can’t wait to tell Phil about my purse!! ”

“I wished you would have called me first, I sent you a message and you even replied that you would” …..

“I just got overwhelmed when I saw the box, haha”

“I’m calling Santa on you”

We spoke for a couple of minutes longer and then I had to let her go, but before I put my phone down I texted my daughter Ann quickly. “WHEN YOU GET YOUR PACKAGE, PLEASE  CALL ME BEFORE YOU OPEN IT”.

“OK” she replied. I knew I didn’t have to worry about her though…..just like I didn’t have to worry about Marie (her sister) when her Christmas present arrived a few days ago.  “Mom I think something broke inside the box?” Marie had said…. “Haha, no it’s fake snow, the box must have flipped over in transit”.

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This is the box I sent Marie’s gifts in, I placed a bunch of fake snow at the bottom of the box and placed her presents on top, I wanted to give it a Christmasy feel!! …..I think what she got was a snowy mess but she LOVED it and that’s all that matters.

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Things my mother never warned me about

Between my sister and I, I’m the oldest. There have been many times throughout my thirty nine years that I wished that I had a big sister  (or a sane mother) who would give it to me straight regarding life and all its ups and downs, to tell me about the many “Prince Charmings” that would come my way and how to protect my heart from their fraudulent ways, to tell me to keep true to myself and never become a doormat and that it’s ok to cry.

As an adult there have been many moments where I would think “shit, thanks Mom for telling me” vowing to always make sure my kids would never have to utter those very words in their adult life.

Here are a few things that I have shared with my daughters (22 and 19) in recent years.

Use sunscreen, don’t use baby oil to tan you will see the damage the sun did to your skin many many years later. The sun is not your friend.

Arm jiggle it’s for real…..one day while you are brushing your hair you will see it, it will be waving back at you.

Pasta and bread ARE NOT our friend…..it will attach to your hips and some how make you gain 10 pounds overnight! We were not as lucky as my sister who has remained a size 4  all these years!!!

Follow your gut, yeah that nagging voice in your head-the voice of reason follow it. Sometimes you will try and negotiate with yourself….making excuses why you shouldn’t listen to your gut, but let me tell you……you will learn the hard way if you don’t.

Guys (some) will portray to be everything you want them to be at first but once they know they have you in a blink of an eye the man that was once about the “Iove yous” and being by your side turns into someone you don’t even recognize. Romance,sex, I love yous are no more …. he shuts you out, his friends and video games are more important …..when you bring this up, he will accuse you of wanting to change him or that it’s all in your head. It’s not in your head…..he’s the one that decided to go all Jeckyl and Hyde not you.

Don’t lose sight of your own passions, remain true to yourself!

If you feel he lies to you, call him out on it.

Men will break your heart and you may think you can’t go on without him……but you can. Grab some ice cream, put on your favorite movie and make a list of all the things that irritated the hell out of you when it came to him, pretty soon you will have two pages of red flags….and you will realize you are better off without him. (this totally works).

It’s true…..when the right one comes in your life, YOU WILL KNOW!!  He will show you that just because you may have a little spat he still loves you and isn’t going anywhere. He will show you love like no other. He will not change after he knows he has your heart……you will never have to doubt his love.

Experience life ….. travel, have fun, make your bucket list and knock some of them out before you have children. Make everlasting memories…you are still young!!

Women can be catty ….. it’s ok to have a few close friends. The amount of friends you have doesn’t measure your worth as a person….I would rather have 3 really close friends than 400 facebook friends that could really careless if I couldn’t fit into my favorite pair of jeans!!

Relationships are tricky….it’s best not to start one with blinders on. Those rose colored glasses, take them off!! Don’t make excuses for his temper…or if he physically or mentally abuses you, what you are with is NOT a man but a coward and a bully. You deserve someone so much better.

Do NOT under any circumstances have any of your exes play matchmaker, this will only end badly!!  They may say they are ok with setting you up with an acquaintance or friend but that’s not the case.

Learn to change your own tire, check your oil and always carry a blanket, water and a tool box in the trunk of your car.

 

Calling all teachers

Earlier this week I wrote about how my seventeen year old son  is struggling in several of his classes and how his father and I have two very different ways of going about making sure our son brings up his grades.

His way : you can lead a horse to the water but you cant make them drink it too. His own destiny is in his hands.

My way :  by rewarding the “horse” (not calling my son a horse) with amusement parks, video games, computer privileges, phone, his girlfriend, fun outings with family   instead of being held accountable for all his missing work then of course he is going to have a no care attitude about things.  He is 17 …I just feel we need to keep on him until he is an adult.

I assumed that since he is a teacher and teaches at the same school that my son attends that he would want our son to excel. Knowing my ex-husband, he would not like anyone to think bad of him …… so why would he want to have his co-workers think that he is ok with his son failing several classes? In a way I see my sons failing grades as a reflection of his home life…..I believe if his father sat with him to see exactly where he is having the problems and  explained it to him then I think a light bulb would go off in our sons head and if he (ex) didn’t understand the lesson then there are tutors at the school.  Shit, I had to do this a few times when I couldn’t help my children with their homework.

I was baffled when I read this part of my ex’s email:

“We (teachers) only tell the parents what the parents want to hear so they know we have done everything we can”

Really? is that true?  I truly believe that there are teachers out that that don’t blow smoke just to get the parents off their back. I want to believe that they are just as frustrated as the parents and are glad when a parent contacts them.

Daily Prompt: Release me

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In today’s Daily Prompt, we are asked what post made us nervous to publish and how it felt to just set it free. I knew instantly the post(s) that made me second guess hitting the publish button, but as soon as I did I felt a giant weight lifted off my shoulders.

Back in August, there was a daily prompt called “The Open Letter” and I decided to write a letter to my twenty-something self. For myself, it’s always hard to go back to that place in time when life was just full of sadness and heartbreak…..but I had to. I guess I could have taken the easy way out and wrote a fun, silly letter to the people of Walmart, but I needed to do this for myself. It was time for this Valley Girl to get raw and to show those who read my blog a different side of myself.

Here’s my post  ” Open Letter to my twenty something self”

 

Dear Jolene,

I know you are in a dark place right now but please don’t give up. I know it would be such an easy fix to just end it all but you can’t. Don’t listen to that piece of shit ex-husband of yours when he says that the kids would be better off if you were no longer in their life. Don’t let his evilness plague you, it’s his own selfish need to reign on top in their eyes that keeps him going. Yes, he will continue to tell your children that you didn’t want anything to do with them but you know the truth and one day they will to. They will know that you cried for months before turning to him for help, you knew he might revel in the fact that you needed him; that you couldn’t make it on your own without his assistance but I know you thought he had changed you thought he was a better person than that. You believed him when he said that he was glad to help, plus it was time for him to get to know his children and be the father that they need.

I wish I could hold you through your pain and sadness but you did the right thing. You didn’t give up on your children, your decision to let your kids live with their father while you get it together was out of love for them. You knew him and his wife could offer them more than you could right now and to be surrounded by family would only create life long memories for them. They could offer them an abundance of love, daily laughter, holidays that they will remember, moments that they can treasure. You did the right thing trust me. Yes, it’s difficult to be without your children on a daily basis and that hole in your heart will only be temporary filled when you hear them on the other end of the phone or when you wrap your arms around them  and see their beautiful faces staring back at you.

You did this for them remember that. You will show them that with perseverance and faith that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Yes, you only make minimum wage and are working a crappy job but this will lead to so much more. Don’t give up please…..plus you don’t want him to win and you know he will feel vindicated and his words true if you give up. I know you hate the poison that he seeps into your children’s head but one day they will learn the truth, one day they will feel it in their heart that you did this for them and that your choices weren’t based on a selfish need.

Lessons you will learn and some lessons are big, but you need to realize that you are a lot stronger than you realize. You are not alone on this journey remember that, turn to God when you struggle he will pick you up. You will experience heartache, you will experience the endless desire to seek your parents approval which my dear will never come so please don’t make that a priority, live for your children, love but not too hard, yes protect that giving heart of yours but when that one special man comes around you will know……but it won’t be for sometime, A LONG TIME…..he will leave but God has a plan…just trust in him. Please.

I hope this finds you some peace. I’m not going to lie and sugar coat things because I know you hate that so I will say that it will be a tough road but it’s worth it in the end.

Remember, I love you

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day I still had ghosts that I needed to confront so I followed it up with this post “Knowing what I know now” and once the last word was typed I felt free of all the pinned up pain and fear that I have felt all these years.

 

 

My future granddaughers are going to be soooo spoiled

I’ve realized that I am going to be in so much trouble when my children make me a grandmother especially if they have a little girl. Those that follow this blog know that I have a slight obsession dressing up my furkids, especially my furgirl Lily!!

Well, a friend of ours is having a birthday party for her daughter who is turning two….she looks more like a three year old, she’s adorable and totally has me wrapped around her little bity almost two year old finger.

“Does she have any dress-up clothes?” I texted my friend.

“nope” she responded.

“I’m soooooo on that!” I replied.

I just remembered how much fun I had with Little Eva when I watched her a couple of months back…..and yes, I know she’s going to be two…..but all little girls no matter their age love to play dress-up. So, today I went shopping. I found a cute pink box at Hobby Lobby and a wooden castle to hot glue on top of the lid and then I spent way too much time at Target. While I was standing in the Disney Princess aisle, a grandmother and her granddaughter were looking at Princess Sophia items.

“Grandma, I need  the Princess Sofia shoes to go with my Princess Sofia dress!”.

“ok, is there anything else? What about the Princess Sofia purse?”

“YES!! And can I get the Princess Sofia tiara?”

“Why not!”

The little girl was in heaven. Once they left, I wanted to check out this Princess Sofia, because this Princess was new to me. I finally remembered that I did watch her cartoon on Disney Jr while I was babysitting her. “Princess Sofia it is” I said to myself. I grabbed the dress …. and the book…..BUT I needed more, so I found an adorable Snow White dress….and matching purse…….needless to say, I may have gone a little overboard.

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* and yes…..believe me if I have grandsons they will be spoiled as well*

Could you live without your cellphone or video games for a day??

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I remember back in the day when my form of entertainment was my own imagination, I would conjure up worlds that I could escape to. Dawn and I would pretend to be princesses awaiting our knight in shining armor, other days we would  threaten preach to the neighborhood kids that being Catholic was the way to go (some hidden agenda from the nuns in our dot to dot Jesus coloring book, I assume) and hold church in our backyard, yes we made host out of Wonder bread. Go figure! We put on plays to entertain our family and friends. My playhouse would one day be a drive through diner and the next a school house, where I was the teacher and my sister and her friends were the students. Outside was everything to my friends and I, it’s where we could be kids …. plus, the less time inside meant I wouldn’t find myself getting in trouble.

This morning I was speaking with my sister, “This Saturday is going to be a tech free day”…. “a what?” I asked. She told me that as she looked around her house last night, she noticed that her husband was on his cell playing a game, the kids were playing video games and she was busy facebooking. “We are always on our phones and the boys would rather play video games then enjoy a beautiful fall day”.

We discussed how things have changed since we were little and that her idea was awesome. “Kids need to step away from video games and be shoved outside…but I have a feeling they won’t know what to do” I told her. “I told the boys to go ride their bikes or play hide-n-seek and they said it was too boring” she replied. I remember how riding bikes was NEVER boring, although if my parents KNEW that we rode around San Fernando Valley for hours they probably would have had a conniption fit…but yet again, times were different then….and an ice cream truck WAS just an ice cream truck, not some perverted old man asking kids if they wanted a drumstick and he wasn’t talking about ice cream.

“I don’t know if I will make it, my phone is attached to me” my sister said. “I think I would have an issue with giving up my Nook, I’m always on it…..reading or checking WordPress…..keep me posted!!”

So I guess I will find out how things went on Sunday ….. I think it will be good for my nephews….a little fresh air never hurt anyone, well unless they live in Southern California during a very smoggy day.

Would you be able to be tech free for a day….no cellphone, no computer,no video games, no nook? 

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Today’s Guest Blogger – My Daughter, Ann (there was no bribing involved)

I am so happy about today’s Guest Blogger because she is my nineteen year old daughter, Ann. No, there was no bribing involved or threats………well I take that back, I did “threaten” to change the Barnes and Nobles password if she didn’t get this post to me on time. I know….I’m so mean!  

Ann loves to write and I thought this would give her the opportunity to share her short stories or her opinion on something that matters to her, never in a million years did I think she would choose to write about …………..me. 

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My mother and I have one of the best mother and daughter relationships there is. I consider her a best friend and a momma! I go to her for about almost everything, from the latest family gossip and daughter issues..to what her cat brought home at 6 am! She will always come to my need whenever I need my mother and not just as a best friend.. (which every girl needs!!)…But it wasn’t always all so hunky dory like it is now! And that’s where my story begins.   😉

I have bits and pieces that I remember about my mom as a little girl, most of them involved me getting in trouble hahaha I wasn’t always the innocent little angel my amazing mother writes about ;)–  i have always been the rebellious child! I was always running around at the age of 3 making my mom tear her hair out! She would try to spank me with a wooden spoon and i would laugh at her because it didn’t hurt! (yea i was a little brat! haha) But she still stood her ground with me as much as she could haha, taking me to the hospital countless times– because i had a fascination with sticking lint and fabric softener sheets up my nose! (THEY SMELLED GOOD!), she would care for my wounds with frozen peas and reward me with our favorite ice cream cones! She was my protector against monsters under my bed (i never slept in my room.. i always somehow made my way into the living room to sleep next to her on the sofa).. i was her backup singer every time a Shania Twain song came on through the radio. Though i was an evil little brat towards her all the time, she (being the mother she is) took care of me and my 2 other siblings to the best of her ability.

As you may already know from her past blogs, due to money issues and other complications, she had my siblings and myself move away to california with my dad. I will always remember that day i left, she was strong! I don’t even remember her crying! Though, at the time i didn’t know i was going to be moving away for good, i knew she wasnt going to be coming with us. And it was sad, because i was loosing my mother! And in a 4 yr olds mind that was a HUGE deal! She stayed strong for us that day, and assured me that we were going to have fun!.. Yes, that trip was a fun one, but over the next few years I barely ever got to see her that much.

Growing up, I won’t lie I felt abandoned by my mom because i did not know why she had to make the decision she did. It was hard at times, but i was with my dads family and times were good! I was part of a military family and moved and traveled a lot, so i knew we wouldn’t always see her. We would call each other, i would share secrets with her like mother and daughter, and we would see each other when we got the chance and money, but it wasnt until we moved back into the same town together did we rekindle our relationship.

I was just starting out in highschool when we moved near each other, and like any girl, i definitely needed my mother through those years. I grew closer to her, and shared secrets about boys and other girly things. We would have Sex and The City marathons! Read twilight together when i was going through that phase haha. She became my work out partner! We did EVERYTHING together. Yes we had many many many fights where we butted heads and exchanged some pretty nasty comments, but those really didn’t last long– due mainly to the fact that we loved to gossip and laugh and be with each other.

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Yes, our mother/daughter relationship didn’t sit well with some people — they felt like there should be a fine line to what mother and daughters should act like with each other. We should not share clothes, hang out as much as we did, talk about the things we did, or even confide in the stuff we did. BUT, we didn’t pay attention to their opinions hahaha because we were happy and best friends!!! She stood by me when there was no one else to stand by me, when I was all alone and had no money when i moved to college, she would call me and send me care packages and money when had nothing! My mom has been there for me through thick and thin, and my teammate when i was ganged up on. She has been the one person I confide in, my bestfriend, my gossip buddy haha, and most of all my mother!

I am blessed to have her by my side (though we live states apart), and no matter what people may think i am blessed to have such an amazing relationship with her.She has been through hell and back, not just with dealing with me, but with her life itself. AND I LOVE HER GUTS MORE THAN ANYTHING EVER! 🙂

~ Ann

I hope you enjoyed today’s post………..see there is hope out there for those parents who are at their wits end with their rumbustious child or rebellious teen. There is a silver lining………there will come a time when the lightbulb will come on and they will realize that you are in fact not the “worst parent ever”. For those of you that want to read  a little bit more on why I made very difficult decision for my kids to live with my ex-husband (their father) you can read about it here:

1. Open letter to my twenty something self  

2. Knowing what I know now 

I hated to read how my daughter felt abandoned and although we worked through that throughout the years it still pains me to read because I know that my ex-husband and his family played a huge part with telling my children that I “didn’t want them anymore” or “couldn’t handle them” which was so far from the truth. Again, I hope you take the time to read the links above. 

Too hot for school

At lunch I called my sister just to see how she was doing  and what she told me just baffled me ….

“The boys are coming home early”

“Why? do they have half day?”

“Because it’s too hot”

“Are you telling me that school is cancelled because it’s too hot?”

“Yes….and they better not wake up the kids that are napping” (she runs a daycare)

“OK..hold up….so we grew up in the desert where it reached 115 degrees in the summer but still had to go to school and sometimes even WALK HOME…..but it’s not even 100 where you are and they are cancelling school?”

For some reason her frustration was now mine…….and honestly, I was silently saying “that’s not fair!!” apparently the older schools don’t have air conditioning and apparently the State of Illinois has never seen a heat wave…..I call Bull Shit!!!

“Heat wave” by big German/Mexican ass , I remember going to school when it was over 100 degrees, the classrooms didn’t have air conditioning either but the teachers used what’s called a fan to bring some relief to the stuffy room all the while I sat there wishing the students around me believed in wearing deodorant.

I foresee wine and maybe a Xanex in my sisters future!!!

Runny noses….velcro on diapers?…..and I still have no patience for Dora — My evening babysitting

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Yesterday I babysat for some friends of mine so they could attend a wedding that children were not allowed to attend. I don’t think I have ever heard of such a thing but sure enough it was stated on the wedding invite.

I learned a few things while watching their two adorable kids last night:

I still have the knack for giving little kids medicine. The mother explained that I may have to pin down little Eva to give her the medicine because she just simply throws a fit…..I told that parents not to worry that I got it covered. Although it’s been quite sometime (15 years) that I had to negotiate with a toddler to take his/her medicine…..it all came back to me within minutes. Little Eva ( 2 yrs old) saw that I had the medicine in my hand and she started to panic……I picked her up and put her on the counter. “Do you want Jello?” …. she nodded her head…..  “ok well first you need to take your medicine and then you can have your jello”…..without any issues she took her medicine, we high-fived and I gave her a jello cup.   (score!!)

When did they start putting Velcro on diapers?  I’m thankful that Eva was very patient with me while trying to put on her diaper. I thought it would be easy as easy can be…..but now I can relate to my dad when I left him with my oldest daughter when she was a newborn only to come back with her diaper on backwards. It took me a couple of minutes to put this diaper on…..I couldn’t find the sticker tabs………….you know why? because now diapers have Velcro tabs….how flipping cleaver and convenient!!!

Toys have gotten louder or maybe my ears are just sensitive…..no they are getting louder!  music and voice activated toys ….wow…..even sit and spin lights up and plays music. WHAT?? the little girl in me wanted to hop on that thing and have a spin, but I know my fat ass wouldn’t get it to spin so I just stared on in jealousy as Eva and Tyler had a go at it.

I have concluded that Dora the Explorer is just as irritating as Barney. No Dora, I don’t want to get up and Mumbo with you …. and no Dora I could care less where the stupid present is, and you can try to teach me Spanish but if my freshman Spanish teacher failed at it more than likely you will too…… and Dora, it’s been 14 years and you’re wearing the same dang outfit….it’s time change!!

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I can still spend hours playing dress up and partaking in pretend tea time!  Eva and I had so much fun with her trunk full of necklaces!!

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Once nighttime came and Eva had to go to bed, it was time to entertain six-year-old Tyler………he didn’t want to play in his room full of cars….or legos that covered the floor; he wanted to watch television. SpongeBob was out of the question per the request of the parents so it was Nick Jr and Disney Channel. Finally around eight we settled on watching the Princess and the Frog…………now, I’m not sure about you but I never saw this Disney movie. This Disney princess is one I am not familiar with but that was fine because I was receiving the background story from him, considering we missed thirty minutes of it. As he was watching the movie, I grabbed my Nook and started reading.

“Whatcha reading?”

“ohhh just a story”

“about what ??? “

“Vampires” ok so I lied to the kid……I knew if I said it’s about Fae, Unseelie, Seelies and other strange creatures he’s going to want me to explain what they are and I was too tired. Watching little ones are exhausting.

“VAMPIRES???  you’re not going to read it out loud are you because I don’t want to be scared?”

“No, I won’t read it out loud”

While I was trying to read………. the questions continued.

“do you know why frogs legs are long?”, “do you know why the girl frog is crying?” , “do you know why the bug is dead?” , “why haven’t you ever seen this movie? you have kids ….didn’t you want to take them to see this movie?” …… I told him my kids were to old to want to see this movie but if he wanted to know all about Cinderella then I can answer any questions that he may have. He had none.

~silence~

I picked up my Nook and began reading again………….

“Joleanne”

“it’s Jolene”

“are you reading in your head?”

“Yep”

“good because I don’t want to get scared….are you scared?”

“Nope”

“ok…..why is it nighttime?”

I put my Nook away and rattled off answers while texting my husband that I hope our kids don’t make us grandparents anytime soon!! …..well give or take five years.

“I’ll show you” …from average teen to wild child

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A brat? Yes….rebellious I wasn’t but I wanted to make a point. The point being that mommy and daddy dearest needed loosen their parental reins just a bit  and if they were going to categorize me as a “partier, alcoholic and a wild child” then why not just jump right into what they thought me to be. Right??  Now, I assume they got this stupid assumption of me when I was 15, my room covered in NKOTB posters and from time to time I listened to INXS and Guns and Roses.

Now…..I was still that silly teenage girl who cried at the drop of a hat when she saw Joey,Donnie,Danny,Jordan and John  on T.V but I guess because I also listened to the hair /rockish type of bands I was now in their heads, out of control “ wild child” and I do remember the first time that I came home from hanging out with friends and told to come straight to my father’s room to “have a talk” next thing I know he’s giving me a sobriety test. Ok, I wasn’t the type to hit their bar cabinet and drink some vodka and fill it up with water….I may have taken a few sips of a wine cooler but back in the day I thought that  was daring. It wasn’t until after the uncalled sobriety test and lecture that I thought “heck I must be missing out”; there was nothing that I could do to prove to my parents that I wasn’t what they thought me to be. I had already been thrown into the “bad child” category a long time ago.

It was sophomore year and my best friend and I were just at our wits end with our parents. Of course “they didn’t understand” or wanted to understand what we were going through. I guess that’s why Jenny and I gravitated towards one another just because our parents refused to let us have some sort of life….a teenage life, but her and I had that LABEL of “bad child”.  Due to this label bestowed on us we jumped right in….we started to ditch school and sneak out of the house to discover what we were being held captive of. Most of the time we snuck over to each other’s homes and watched VHS movies or episodes of Jerry Springer….nothing too wild and crazy. This was our way of “showing them”…..but in “showing them” our grades dropped and notices came home and of course our parents “talked” and realized that we had been ditching classes. So the call was made and Jenny and I were no longer  to have the same class schedules or hang out together.

We weren’t going to HAVE that and we were really going to SHOW them!!  So around midnight I jumped the back fence and met up with Jenny and her boyfriend. We all stayed in a hotel room just going over “our plan” for this new independence. In a way I think we wanted our parents to “see what they were missing” to come together and realize that we weren’t BAD we just wanted this label to be taken off and their actions led us to where we were at…..which was in a seedy motel room. Morning came and I knew by this time my father would have had reported to his cop friends that his daughter and friend went missing, I could only imagine my mother just putting on this crying act for everyone to see “ohhhh how could the Lord do this to me?” She always blamed the Lord for any hardship done to her…..including my pregnancy (but that’s another story).

For a couple of days we just roamed our local streets, the Laundromat being our safe haven. We would just sit and think about what we had done and what we were going to do. We decided later that evening to call the Runaway hotline and get some advice and as we were dialing the number we heard “Hey girls!” As we turned around we noticed it was her father. He didn’t seem all that upset, unlike the wrath that was to come when I got home. He reached for his brick sized phone and called Jenny’s mom (they were separated). At this time her mother and step father were at my home and from what we were told my mother let out a huge cry “we found them we found them!!” Hmmmm no you didn’t Jenny’s dad found us, I thought. He then told them that he was going to take us out to eat but that was quickly changed and we had to come home ASAP. Her father shrugged and said a few words to us but I don’t recall it being a lecture, if I remember right he seemed to understand our rebellious act.

As we entered the house we were told to go directly to the table where there was a plate of bread and two glasses of water. “wow” ok…..my dad was REALLY playing his role as cop!! Did this scare us? No I remember us talking about this later on and thinking it was hilarious. We sat through their lecture, accusations, name calling and sentence …Jenny was told that she was going to go live with her father in Los Angeles and I was grounded for eternity which was nothing different from before. The following week I was taken to a gynecologist to make sure that I was still a virgin…..and then later to a therapist who spent the following hour calling me a whore and a nuisance to society.

I often ask myself if I had to do it all over again would I? Probably not because it didn’t change my parents perception of me. Nothing I could have done before my adventure or after would make them see me the way they saw my sister. She was the IT child, not me. …..and it took me until my late 30’s to realize that I need to stop trying to seek acknowledgement from my parents.  What I learned from all this though was that  I would not label my children in any negative way…… “Troubled”, “bad child”, “waste of a human”, are titles that should never be bestowed on a child.

I have kept my word and although THEY have come to me on many occasions and asked “I’m your favorite huh?”….I smile and say “You are my favorite son (only have one), You are my favorite 19 year old girl, You are my favorite 21 year old!!” ……. They all have great qualities about them; yes we have had our ups and downs but who doesn’t?  It’s just how we come out of it that makes our relationship stronger.