Love….Doesn’t leave bruises

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That was the last text message I sent to a good friend of mine yesterday. I understand that whatever road she chooses for herself and her children is her decision but I care about her so much that I don’t want her to go down that road again with THAT man.

I don’t understand how such a beautiful,caring, intelligent, driven woman can’t see her own self worth? How can she be addicted to such a horrible man that brought her to tears so many times? Not too long ago she shared with me how she found her journal that she kept while she was this man and  page after page she warned herself of the red flags, horrible memories filled the pages in front of her, lies he told, broken promises, his rage and so much more.  She told me that she would never make those mistakes anymore, that she deserved so much better. I was relieved.

Until …… I received a message from her the other day stating that she was breaking it off with her boyfriend (surfer boy) of nine months because he wasn’t driven and well …… financially secure. The following day she texted me that she still loves Mr.Douchebag and can’t get him out of her mind.I knew there was more to the story so after a few questions she told me that they were going to meet that night to talk about possibly getting back together.

Nothing I said deterred her from meeting him……not even reminding her  of what her therapists had told her about their highly dysfunctional relationship to what lined the pages of her journal. How was it possible for her not to see that he was her drug……something about this man, she craved. Could she possibly be addicted to the drama as well?

She recounted their meeting to me the following day. They spoke about their future, laid out a financial plan and how to integrate her into his life. He deactivated his Facebook and all memberships to dating websites and deleted all his female contacts ….. his request was for her to do the same (delete male contacts and deactivate Facebook) along with having access to all accounts which requires the release of passwords.  From what she stated he wrote a three page “life plan” and has changed.

I call BULLSHIT.

There should be no vise grip or need to have such a control over each other’s life if they are going to try this again. There should be no need for strict conditions to be placed and they shouldn’t have to draw up a stupid ass spreadsheet to try to fit her into his life. I believe (and I told her) that too much has happened that they will never fully trust each other. They can agree to “no more bars” but they did that before and that didn’t last very long……she can dictate that he can’t associate with girls that make her uncomfortable because that would mean he would be on house arrest…. everyone in that town is beautiful.

Those two, when they are together are toxic, “I appreciate your feedback and clearly get you don’t support me even considering it. Love is a strange thing. I know I love him” she said.  “You’re right….I don’t like him. He hurt you countless times…..you’ve showed me bruises that he has put on your body….I saw firsthand his temper……LOVE…..Love doesn’t cause bruises”

It makes me sick that I can’t do anything for her. It makes me sick to think that she thinks that this is LOVE. What would she do or say if it was me in this situation or even worse ….. her daughters?  He turned her world upside down; he tore her down with words and actions …..but she allowed it and she’s contemplating jumping back into the lions den for round ….. twenty.

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Men beware!! ~ Ghostly Adventure

Yesterday, I posted a request for fellow bloggers to share their Ghostly Adventures.I thought it would be fun considering it’s going to be Halloween in just a couple of weeks!! If you have a story you would like to share……you still can, just email me at valleygirlgonecountry@gmail.com.

I would like to share a story that I received from one of my favorite bloggers, Topaz. Thank you for sharing your story!!

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Years ago, I stayed at my sister’s house for a week while she and her family went on vacation. They had just moved into the house. At night I would hear faint sounds of a woman crying. I thought it was just my imagination, so I dismissed it.

About a month later, my brother-in-law began sleepwalking. He said that a woman’s voice would whisper his name, and in his sleep he would follow the voice. Each time he awoke after stumbling over toys or other items on the floor. One time he awoke in front of the kitchen counter and the knife drawer was opened.

My psychic mom didn’t get involved until one night when my brother-in-law woke up from sleepwalking and found himself at the top of the wooden basement stairs, teetering on the top step.

My mother forced the ghost to leave and told it to never come back. It turns out that (according to my mother) it was the ghost of a woman who suffered in an abusive marriage and she had an axe to grind with married men. She was trying to injure or kill my brother-in-law.

The reason the ghost didn’t try to hurt me was because I was single with no girlfriend when I stayed by myself at the house.

Weekly Writing Challenge : Sophie’s escape

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Sophie hears the front door open, fear takes over her innocence, heavy footsteps in the hallway only can mean one thing, He’s Home! She whispers to her dolls to be quiet as she cleans up any evidence that a few minutes earlier she was enjoying a tea party with her imaginary friends Peter and Claudia. She hugs her teddy bear close to her chest hoping that today would be different, but as soon as that thought crosses her mind she hears her stepfather yelling at her mother. “You BITCH, I told you I wanted this house clean when I got home. Your little brats constantly leave their crap all over this house”.  She hears one of her brothers’ toys crash against the wall and break into little pieces.

She hears them arguing, voices escalating… momma always has the house so clean I don’t know why it’s never good enough for him. “Please make them stop” she whispers to her teddy.

Sophie stares out her bedroom window wanting to escape the wrath that is her stepfather, she looks at the rusty old merry-go-round that sits in front of the laundry mat, she puts on her sandals and quietly opens her bedroom door …tiptoeing down the hallway, she can hear muffled arguing coming from her parents’ bedroom. …she opens the front door and escapes the nightmare that she currently lives.

“Look both ways” she tells herself. As soon as the cars pass she crosses the street with care and finds herself next to her brightly colored friends, Mr. Frog is her favorite. She imagines them all coming to life, her friends Claudia and Peter instantly appear. She climbs on the back of the orange striped tiger who she named Cliff and he takes her away to a land that she visits often. She no longer feels scared, they all remind her that they are there to protect her and nothing can harm her now. She loves escaping to this beautiful place, green rolling hills, flowers taller than her, she enjoys playing hide-n-seek with all her friends. It seems like hours have gone by that she has been able to enjoy this freedom but somewhere deep inside she knows it has just been a few minutes. She climbs on top of Jerry the Giraffe and he takes her to an ice cream covered mountain overlooking a chocolate filled sea. “I wish I can stay here forever” she says to her all her friends.

“Get the hell out of here!!! ” with the sound her of mother’s voice she is suddenly thrown back to reality. She can hear her step father yelling from across the street.  Sophie waits patiently next to Mr. Frog hoping to hear the loud roar of the monsters truck pulling away from the apartment complex. “Don’t ever come back and if you do you will be sorry”. Sophie has heard these words come out of her mother’s mouth before only to welcome the monster back with “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you” more times then she can remember.

“Sophie, Sophie!!!”  She sees her mom come towards her, a worried look on her face. Her mother has come to know where to find her sweet daughter when things get out of control in the home…..tears running down her mother’s face she bends down and hugs her daughter. “I’m sorry momma, I’m sorry for not picking up Jacks toy, it’s all my fault” …her mother hugs her tighter and tells her that he is never coming back. “Are you sure momma?” as she looks into her mother’s eyes she sees that one eye is swollen….she gently kisses it and smiles “it’s all better momma…it will be all better soon”. Her mom smiles back “yes, honey it will be better soon. I promise. I promise never to put you or your brother in that situation ever again. I’m so sorry”. She grabs her daughter’s hand and they head back home…… as they cross the street; Sophie looks back and gives a little wave to her friends that sit patiently on the rusty yellow merry-go-round for her return.

Click here to view more :Weekly Writing Challenge 

Surviving the in-laws

While channel surfing I came across a show called “Surviving the In-laws” I couldn’t believe what I was watching……these in-laws had some nerve….talk about crossing the line, these in-laws were horrible. This show only brought back my own special memories of my “ohhh sooo special” in-laws.

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First marriage: The very outspoken grandmother in-law

It was 1994, I had just had Ann (2nd daughter) two months earlier. I knew that we were all heading over to my in-laws in just a few days for Easter dinner and I needed to do something with my hair, it was dry and just looked horrible…..so I dyed it, black. I thought it looked alright…..my hair is naturally a dark brown so black wasn’t a far stretch.

About twenty people gathered around the dinner table to indulge in an amazing Easter feast, family and friends caught each other up on their busy lives and then out of nowhere the grandmother shouted out “Jolene what did you do to your hair? I hate it” SILENCE, you couldn’t hear a pin drop, even Ann stopped crying. I was mortified…all eyes were on me and my horrible dye job. No one came to my defense only telling that everyone was in agreement with grandma.

Needless to say; I have never gone black again……………………….so it’s not true about what they say “Once you go black you’ll never go back” …. when it comes to hair anyways.

Second marriage : My mother in-law

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Besides being the voice in my (ex) husbands ear 24/7, unable to cut the cord and releasing him from her bosom  she was something else. She constantly spoke about not being accepted by her in-laws because she was considered “white trash” and would often share her stories of her first marriage which could have been a made for Lifetime Movie. At first she was nothing but sweet but after hearing about our constant troubles and cancellation of our wedding she turned into the mother in-law from hell. She would often call me to inform me that she was done hearing about our problems from Mr.Crazy and that I needed to change, of course her sweet boy didn’t play any role to the demise of our marriage.

I remember the day that our marriage was over like it was yesterday. I had to call the cops because Mr.Crazy let his anger consume him and took it out on my daughter and I. It was a horrible day and the man I married let the monster inside of him emerge …..he finally got what he wanted….my fear. I seldom showed the fear I had when the monster would come out to raise havoc in our household.I was told as a young girl by my father to never show fear, because some men feed off of it…..so I took his advice and pushed the fear deep inside and stood my ground.

Finally  he was gone and now I had to some how take care of all that had unraveled and most importantly come to the realization that our marriage didn’t even make it one year…..we were 2 weeks short of our 1 year anniversary. There was a knock on the door and there stood my mother in-law and father in-law  “what did you do to make my boy behave in such a manner”, “why did you call the cops”, “What did you do to make him hit you?”, “we are on our way to bail out our son don’t ever contact him again”……I couldn’t believe what she was saying and I couldn’t believe my father in-law was just standing there, a man who I use to admire was now meek and cowardly. I received my mental beating and said good-bye.

I was in shock by what she said, I would have thought that she would have been more sympathetic considering her first husband was abusive towards her and her children but yet again her little boy could do no wrong.

I am blessed to now have amazing in-laws, they are NORMAL….no drama….they welcomed me with open arms and my mother in-law is the sweetest most genuine lady I have ever met!!

Do you have any in-law horror stories??