House Divided: A fellow blogger needs some helpful advice…….

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Earlier this week I wrote about an ultimatum that I was given regarding my furkid, Lily….my post resonated with a fellow blogger who is currently going through a similar situation. After reading her email I felt her pain and asked her if I could share her current dilemma with you all in hopes that she can get the encouragement, wisdom and strength that she so needs.

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Clara is married, has 3 children under the age of ten and lives in a quaint suburban neighborhood. Back in October of last year they decided to add to the family and adopt a dog, I will call him Fido. Fido was less than a year when they got him so he still had those puppy tendencies.

This was the families’ first pet (besides the occasional fish) and it was a major adjustment for everyone, but mostly Clara who took on all the responsibilities that come with owning a dog. As the weeks went on, her husband grew irritated with Fido…he never allowed himself to bond with him. She assumed this was because he never had any pets growing up, where she had. She knew there was a problem when she had to go out of town for a couple days due to her job and her husband refused to take care of Fido while she was gone.  “You will need to kennel him or find someone to watch him” he told her. He didn’t want the responsibility of caring for this bundle of cuteness while she was gone…..knowing that  kenneling the pup would be costly and her tight wad of a husband was now making things difficult with her regarding Fido, she told her employer that she wasn’t able to attend the conference.  She also thought maybe the best thing she could do was give Fido back to the family who adopted him out because of all the tension that was brewing at home….she called the family and they were more than happy to take him back. She changed her mind 2 days later.

A month ago Clara noticed that Fido wasn’t acting right and took him to the vet; after many tests and several Xrays it was determined that Fido had several objects (toys,hairband) in his stomach and surgery was necessary. $1200 later Fido was recovering.  While he was under the watchful eye of the vet, Clara was home being made to feel as though Fido’s incident was her fault, her husband demanded that she get rid of the dog and that she owed HIM $1200. (You heard me, she owed him)  She was beyond stressed and beside herself, she tried to sell things to pay her “debt” back to her husband, there was no reasoning with him at all, a day didn’t go by that he didn’t send her into a tearful mess…..just his crude words and cold heart towards this pup baffled her. He made her feel guilty for wanting to get together with her friends for her birthday stating that she still owes him $1200 and how they can’t afford it.  (They have money).

Tension just grew between them, she knew he was being unreasonable but talking to him was like talking to a brick wall. He claimed he never wanted a dog and only agreed to shut her up…..she didn’t know what else to do so she called the previous family to see if they would take the dog back, they agreed. The thing is they live in Texas and can’t get him until sometime in March. Clara was broken hearted, cried daily…this little furkid was her baby, she loved him.

Clara told me that she got the courage to talk to her husband about everything …. He claimed that he never told her to get rid of him, granted he never spoke those words his actions spoke loud and clear. She thought maybe she could go back on her word  (again) with the previous owners but her husband still refused to have anything to do with Fido if she had to go out of town and the money issue would never be dropped. She then blamed herself because she knew he wasn’t going to own up to his coldness towards this whole thing.

“What do you think I should do?” she asked.

I went over what she sent a couple times; we exchanged a few emails just so I could  get the full story. I finally told her that:

1. She shouldn’t have to OWE her husband anything. She’s in a marriage not a business, they both work and financially contribute to the household and that it was their decision to bring Fido into the family. Granted, if he never wanted a dog this should have been addressed….he shouldn’t have just gave in to “shut her up”.

2. I told her that I didn’t understand why he isn’t willing to take care of the dog when she is required to go out of town to attend seminars for her job. She shouldn’t have to kennel him … she should be able to count on her spouse to take responsibility for their four-legged furkid, plus would the cost of kenneling him be tacked on to the debt that he claims she owes him?

3. I also told her that the issues with the dog are just the icing on the cake…..there has to be more. She needs to find her voice in that marriage because in my opinion she doesn’t have one, not really. When finances are concerned he can buy what he wants (2 laptops in a mth….computer time/games) and come up with a valid reason for these non-budgeted items but when she needs something “its not in the budget”  is what she hears.

4. I told her that she can’t go back on her word again with the previous family who had Fido, they are looking forward to having him back…..plus it’s not like her husband is going to change his mind…..any unforeseen expenses with be HER FAULT, the tension will STILL be there, he isn’t going to change. Plus, Fido needs a yard to run in, he needs a family that will love him completely.

My heart breaks for her…..I can’t imagine being in her shoes right now.

Please feel free to leave your comments for her here…… she will read all of them!!  Thank you  🙂

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21 thoughts on “House Divided: A fellow blogger needs some helpful advice…….

      • I’m serious. A dog is going to ruin this marriage (which I honestly think is already ruined by the sound of it). But a dog is going to be the breaking point (at least internally for her). He’ll probably come out of the situation high and mighty like always while she feels like a useless “partner” in their marriage. She owes him $1,200, fuck that. He owes her a hell of a lot more if you ask me.

        • I couldn’t agree with you more! The $1200 just astounds me…..my husband and I have 4 furkids (2 dogs, 2 cats), he never has moaned and groaned about the cost of vet bills, food, the occasional dress for my furgirl……..we took in a stray and had her spayed including all her shots, it came to be over $500 he didn’t say one word. He just loves our animals like they were our children.

          I just wish she wasn’t so docile and felt that she felt that she had a voice/place in her marriage.

  1. The husband is a controlling bully who is teaching their children BY EXAMPLE how to be abusive to animals and to women. A dog picks up on family tension far easier than children do and it is not fair to them to be introduced into a toxic household. If she is deciding to stay with her spouse, then she needs to focus on mitigating the influence he is having on her children and let the dog live with a family with less issues than hers. Her husband is providing an unsafe environment due to his negligence and inability to supervise. The dog goes back to the original owners or another suitable family. SHE goes into counselling so she understands the emotional abuse she is living with and on the way home she can go buy herself a lovely new sapphire ring or diamond bracelet in compensation for the loss of the dog. Then she can shove the receipt up his tight ass.

    • LOVE IT !!

      but I do agree with what you said, she needs to realize that her husband is a bully. He may not lay his hands on her ….. but being an emotional bully bruises just the same, but stays much longer.

  2. Mom.. she needs to get out of that situation with this so called husband… or she needs to speak up …if he has no regards for her feelings or her in general. . Then she shouldn’t have any regarding his… .
    That marriage is being held together because of the kids….Not love. if it wasn’t for them, they would of been long parted….
    SHE NEEDS TO HAVE A VOICE OR HER MARRIAGE WILL BE A PRISON! ….. and that’s not what is marriage intended to be. Unconditional love should never include a “contract”. If this is the case… then she is with the wrong person. And she definitely knows this. …… its time her her to step it up.. this is her marriage! It’s time for him to see that too.. love you!

  3. I feel bad for her, But I dont get it. I have a furkid and my partner is not actually too fond of him. However, he tries to feed him, walk him even if he feels a little burdened with it. He complains whenever I spend for my pet but worries when the dog seems lethargic. If he can’t take care of a dog, how much more of his wife? He’s just using the dog as an excuse.

  4. I’d say read up about passive aggressive behaviour. He sounds like my husband who will go along with something but then sabotage it at some point regardless of how important it is to me. I agree with the keep the dog, return the husband statement!

  5. It’s easy for others here to tell her to speak up. There are probably a lot more issues that we don’t know about. She may be living in fear or treading on thin ice all the time with him. Interference by others may make him more aggressive. I just hope he sees sense before the marriage gets out of hand.

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