For months now I’ve heard mumblings about a so called “Witch Doctor” who has the ability to just “know” about your aliment and treat you with some herbal supplements. Now, when I hear the words “Witch Doctor” my mind goes directly to some elder in some far off African village that is in full costume, chanting and conjuring up some mixture that he claims will heal you.
I was curious, to say the least. I knew I wouldn’t come face to face with an actual witch doctor or have to drive hours just to get to some spooky little village…but before I made the decision to go I did my research and read personal accounts about their visit to this “Doctor”.
Some said that when you meet with him he asks what’s on your mind, then he goes into a back room to pray, after several minutes he’d come back to them with a few papers and told them about their problems and what they could take to cure them of their ailment and offer some wise advice. Many claimed that his suggested supplements cured them when modern medicine failed them year after year.
Last Friday after a trip to the chiropractor (hoping to get relief from weeklong migraine) I decided to take a drive to see this “Witch Doctor”, what the hell right? The drive was quite pleasant ….I didn’t have to go down any back roads, or down some beaten path…. the place was right off a main street. His office was more like an herbal store, supplements lined the shelves along with smelly organic soaps and other trinkets, soft music playing overhead….as I scanned the room I didn’t see anything out of ordinary; I guess I was kind of expecting it to look more like a metaphysical store with the smell of patchouli lingering in the air……and in the far corner of the room was an older gentleman (the doctor) talking to a woman about her health and personal issues that have been plaguing her life. I didn’t feel right eavesdropping so after telling the lady behind the counter that I would like to speak to the “doctor” I took a seat on the other side of the shop.
I waited for about 15 minutes before I was called over. I took a seat in front of him and waited for him to acknowledge me…..
(What no Hello?)
“What is on your mind?”
(Well a lot of things…..like why you are not being warm and welcoming)
“I struggle with migraines and they just seem to be getting worse. The migraines start on the lower left side of my neck and the pain intensifies as the day goes on. I also suffer from insomnia and would like to not have to be dependent on sleep medicine”
As I was telling him what was going on he jotted down a few things on an index card and then got up from his chair and headed into a backroom. “Ohhh that’s probably his prayer room” I thought…. he was gone for maybe a couple minutes, not even that….. “Well that wasn’t long; I guess the big man upstairs gave him his answers” I thought to myself.
“You have Wilson’s syndrome which many doctors can’t diagnosis, it means you have a goiter and it’s on your left side of your neck”
I seriously wanted to laugh….I had a vision of an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine was visiting an elderly lady who had a huge goiter on her neck and Elaine couldn’t take her eyes off of it.
“I will prove it” he pulled out a white piece of paper which talked about Wilsons Syndrome, he told me that I needed to take my temperature twice a day and log it and then answer whether or not 50 of these issues that were listed on this sheet of paper applied to me ….for example, fatigue, pms, irritability, fluid retention…etc. He also suggested that I take a supplement called Thyroid Aizle (3 in the morning and 3 at night), that I should eat more seafood and visit a tanning salon at least twice a week.
I told him that I don’t eat seafood and asked if he carried the supplement, he did. He grabbed it, handed me some papers and then got fairly close to me….looked into my eyes and said “you are very wise”.
That was it…..it was less than ten minutes, maybe 8 minutes to be exact. I got the feeling that this so called “prayer room” that he went off to was just a room holding papers and pamphlets explaining what he was diagnosing you with and how to go about seeking better health.
I paid for my supplement and headed to my car.
“That was it?” I said to myself…..as I drove back through the country to get back home my neck was starting to tighten up. This was the sign of being over adjusted earlier that morning…..once I got home I grabbed a couple Aleve, within an hour I was flat on my back unable to move.
“Shit I CAN’T win!!!” I iced my neck, rubbed my neck down with some Icy Hot and decided that I wasn’t going back to the chiro anytime soon!
Needless to say, I haven’t taken the supplements or followed the “Doctors” suggestion to take my temp twice a day and do the homework…..but I did catch myself looking in the mirror for any signs of a lump on the side of my neck….which there wasn’t any. In my opinion the whole visit was a bit hokey; it definitely wasn’t what I expected at all.