Kissed my fair share of douche bags


I came across a post today that really got me thinking about the men from my past and the jaunt down memory lane wasn’t full of sunshine and wild flowers…..the memories were borderline nauseating and of pure disgust …why in God’s name did I even waste so much time with the douche bags that I dated, for putting all my eggs in one basket AND for thinking that fate was on my side?

Hacker.Ninja.Hooker.Spy spoke about her high school crush and the attempt to see if he happened to be her long lost love years later, unfortunately he turned out to be a royal class douche bag…….she then asked the question “ Have you ever attempted to reunite with a long lost love?  Has a former Dreamboat ended up being a current Douche bag? And what’s the deal with closure–is it even worth pursuing?

I don’t know what I was thinking, seriously…..why did I think that I would have that love story where my high school crush would be my one and only? That only happens in the movies but during my 13 years of singledom I watched a lot of chick flick  “Happily ever after, girl gets guy after pinning for him for years” movies.

This all started once the “The Major” (now husband) and I broke up eleven years ago for various reasons, one being his job…he moved to Pennsylvania. One day I found myself  scrolling on and ran across the name that brought back pleasant high school memories. There were 2 men from my high school that when I was a freshman they made my days on that campus worth living….they were both seniors. This one in particular grabbed my attention years later, I will call him Viagra Boy. I saw on his profile that he was single….and I quickly sent him a cute-funny-couldn’t possibly not reply message and wouldn’t you know I got a message back the following day. I instantly reverted back to my freshman self, my hands shook, and I couldn’t breathe. His message was entertaining and quite flirty, but he was honest (the only time he was) about not knowing who I was but this didn’t stop our correspondence.

Throughout the next couple months we wrote and visited each other than he asked me to move in with him….which was a big step because this would mean that I would have to get used to living with a man again and two, I would have to leave an amazing town and move to butt fuck Egypt ; Ridgecrest Ca. I loved him though and we talked all the time about getting married, he even asked what type of ring I wanted.  We moved into a nice house in February and instantly I knew something was off….he would leave just to make calls, he was always on the phone with his ex-wife and his once attentive self was nowhere to be found. Long story short ~ he told me that he was still in love with his stripper ex-wife and hadn’t gotten over her, then his weekends to his parents was just his cover story to go up north to whore around with some woman he met on yahoo personals. Which when I found his personal ad, I was floored when he wrote that he was single and looking for a nice girl to get involved with.  I couldn’t believe what was happening, within months of us moving in together my life turned into a nightmare, I was living in HELL!!  It took me a while to recover from that experience and move from that place….but do you think I learned my lesson and stayed away from HELL NO!!

When I finally moved from BFE I attempted to have my happily ever after story again…that’s where MarkyMark (no not from the Funky Bunch) came in. I am pretty sure I contacted him through classmates and then moved to facebook. We hit it off; dated ….and then we decided I would move in with him, which brought me back to my hometown. Things seemed really good, I overlooked his obsessive behavior regarding laundry, scratching one corner of his pillow, his desire to play with Grover (yes from Sesame Street) and take pictures of him (Grover) doing bizarre things, not of sexual nature. We had fun …. but he also became very secretive, he would text his ex girlfriend naughty messages which led to “do you want to make out?”, he was addicted to pain meds, he had a short temper and then there was the 9 months he found himself in the despairs of depression. Nothing I did brought him back to the guy I left  everything for and I found myself sinking down with him…….I finally moved out but that only pissed him off more. The day that I was moving my things from his home he grabbed his gun and told me that if anyone came into the house he wouldn’t be afraid to use it. I made certain that the ones who were assisting me stayed in the garage and knew of his paranoia.

Healing from that experience wasn’t easy, but I was introduced to Mr. Crazy (2nd husband) a few months later….come to find out he graduated from my high school and yes, my head went there…. “Ohhh this must be fate!!! This is why I was brought here…because he’s the guy that would complete my happily ever after -went to the same school story”….boy was I dead wrong. For those who have read this blog knows that my marriage to Mr. Crazy should have never happened. It was the only relationship that I ever regret getting into; it was the first time I ever had to deal with someone with a mental illness and a monstrous anger issue…..our personalities clashed in many ways. Our marriage ended one week before our one year anniversary.

I was tested one last time …. remember at the beginning of this post how I spoke of two seniors that took my breath away my freshman year, well the other one contacted me. I think I friended him on Facebook but when I got a message from him asking how I knew him, we started to talk about our great high school memories, he had more than me. We talked from time to time but then his true douche bag colors came out “send me a pic” he didn’t want just an ordinary pic….he wanted something skanky. There was NO way I was going to fall for that. His conversations were bizarre and all those days of day dreaming about this jock while in English class were spoiled. This man needed to just stop talking….I couldn’t believe how this man could have such an Adonis complex, he looked nothing like he did in high school 20 years ago…..yeah he had the muscles but that was all that was going for him.

~ my love story wasn’t suppose to include a man from my high school, my love story was supposed to begin and end with a handsome Major that rocked my world ten years ago. …………….but I had to learn this the hard way!!


4 thoughts on “Kissed my fair share of douche bags

  1. Aaahhh the long version of the story is even crazier than what you wrote in your comment. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that! Madness! I’m glad you found “The Major.” And it sounds like you ran the gamut of bad relationships: addictions.. cheating… secret rendezvous with ex-strippers… geeze! Hindsight is 20/20, eh?

    • I’m glad “The Major” and I found each other again! 🙂
      and yes…… I had my fair share of bad relationships thats for sure…. enough to last this life and the next!!! hahaha

  2. Pingback: 12 things I wish I knew about boys before I was 23. | about a girl

  3. Pingback: The Man You Need, The Douch bag you deserve | MTR The Network: Podcasting & Entertainment Network

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