Last night I received a text from one of my dear friends, Marie (otherwise known as “The Maid of Dishonor”) I could tell by the tone of her message that she needed a little assistance to climb down off the ledge that her over active mind helped her up get up on.
“Omg, I’m going to blow!!! He never got rid of these. Are you freaking kidding me?, he’s still following these girls on Facebook. There’s at least ten of them”
The girls she is talking about are of a slutty nature for example, Jenna Renee ..she sent me a screen shot of one of the women he’s following.
“This is a deal breaker” she said.
Instead of fueling the fire and climbing on the ledge with her, I decided that I wasn’t going to sugar coat things for her. She can’t control who he “follows” on Facebook ….she should know this by now and for heaven sakes it’s Facebook.
“You can’t control who he follows, he’s not liking them outright, he’s human, this is a small issue, nothing to get on his case about, YOU’RE DATING. He stopped liking those scandalous pictures on his Instagram which updated to his Facebook page when you told him that you felt disrespected ….which it was considering you are helping him brand his image”
I knew she had snooped ….. nothing good ever comes from snooping.
“I disagree. I told him it bothers me and at this point it’s a matter of respect. We have been talking about getting married and this is pretty much a deal breaker. This is a red flag, I’m following my gut on this one”
I felt myself getting overly anxious, I told her she was being ridiculous and before she does anything stupid to really think about what she is doing. She has a habit of “self sabotaging” her relationships…..picking something small out and making it into a Mount Everest situation. This man wasn’t her ex boyfriend who are a total pig – this man was the total opposite, he made her and her children a priority, he adores her, he isn’t about the drama or the scandalous lifestyle like her exes were. I mentioned to her that she was letting her insecurities eat her alive, that if this bothered her so much to tell him in a matter of fact way, don’t bite his freakin head off. She already scared him enough with the whole Instagram debacle….shit she made the guy cry!!!! I also reminded her that he probably followed these girls way before she was even in the picture.
“I am very careful with what I put out there because of my job and the fact that I’m friends with clients and other parents, I don’t want to be linked to a guy I’m dating/potentially going to marry that follows a slew of sluts and secondly he uses FB to promote his business…he’s asking me to stand behind his image and brand but this is just trashy and creepy”.
I had a feeling she had an army of girlfriends fueling this man bashing session and I was the only one brave enough to tell her that she was not seeing clearly.
“It’s not like you are running for some government office, no one is going to dig that deep into who you are dating especially to see who he follows. Marie, you are so worried about him crossing the line or how others may see him but you can’t tell me that you don’t put on some extra charm while you are out at these black tie parties and red carpet events. You flirt….do you think that’s ok? Do you think that you are portraying the right image? I’m just saying don’t condemn this man when you aren’t a saint yourself. You can’t control who he follows….plus if you make a big to do about it you are going to remind him of his insecure, jealous ex-wife” I told her.
“why are you saying I flirt, I wouldn’t disrespect him like that. I bring him everywhere” denial…..urgh. It was like talking to a brick wall.
I was exhausted. I wasn’t going to continue to try to reason with her when that’s not what she wants. She’s looking for a way out of this relationship and in typical Marie fashion she is going to pick this one thing and go with it.
“Marie, please don’t make any rash decisions, sleep on it…call your therapist in the morning…..but if you won’t and you break this off because of this “deal breaker” then I hope you stand behind your decision and not waffle….like you tend to do once the guy grovels at your feet, stand firm in your choice and move forward…don’t look back, which you ALWAYS tend to do….don’t fall weakness to your loneliness. Let your choice to end it be the end of your cycle of repeating years of relationship -will never do agains”
She didn’t respond. I knew she wouldn’t. She doesn’t like hearing the truth….when someone else (her friend Michelle) is stirring the pot and egging on the drama. It was then that I shook off the heaviness of the past ten minutes, I couldn’t allow her drama become mine. I know that she won’t see reason until she is happy in her own skin. Drama is usually due to needing attention, when the attention isn’t totally on her she usually bolts, fearing rejection. Granted at times when I have given her advice she will listen and agree that it makes sense but in the end she won’t change.