I became THAT woman ….without knowing it.

You know, THAT woman who doesn’t know anything about the finances because “her husband takes care of everything”. I used to cringe when I would hear stories of how  someone’s father passed away and now the mother was clueless about the finances.I even remember talking to my sister years ago and telling her that she needed to be “in the know” of her household, that she should know where the money was….just in case.

My husband and I have been having those “what happens if one of us dies” talks, these talks became more frequent since his friend suddenly passed away in a horrible accident, leaving his wife and son to handle things by themselves. “Jolene we should look into life insurance for you”, I would make a joke and say “planning on killing me off?” ….. just to lighten the conversation. I knew it was for burial expenses and whatever else……and it wasn’t like I was going to get a million dollar policy, something smaller.

Yesterday, I was talking to a Life Insurance Broker over the phone, we knew what we wanted but this lady was adamant with increasing the policy amount…..which ticks me off more than browsing Bath and body works and being bombarded with “can I help you? try this…..heres a coupon…are you looking for something special?” This is how the conversation was:

“Do you have a mortgage?”

“yes”

“How much do you have left on the house?”

“uhm, I don’t know” (shit Jolene why don’t you know this)

“Debt,credit cards?”

“yes”

“how much…ballpark”

“uhmm….I don’t know, $_____” (Jolene you just sound stupid)

“Does your husband have life insurance, if so how much is his policy”

“he does, but I don’t know” (she probably thinks I’m an idiot)

“Do you have stocks or bonds?”

“uhm I don’t know”  (Jolene, you’re an idiot…your clueless)

“How much does your husband make?”

“Why is this important?” (wanted to throw her off, because i didn’t know)

After a few pointless questions, she asked me about my health ….. which besides my aching knee; I’m in good health. I can afford to lose ten pounds but I’m working on it.

“Well, after my calculations I think you should purchase the $250,000 policy”

“uhm no, that’s not what my husband and I discussed”

“I was figuring the lack of your income,burial expense,the mortgage and other fore seen expenses”

“well, my husband was doing alright before my income he will be fine without it……and I don’t want some fancy casket or big hoopla after, shit I would be surprised if ten people showed up!!” I laughed. …she did to.

Her job was to sell……all she was doing was irritating me and making me realize that I became someone who I thought I would never be…. “A financially clueless wife”. Yes, I have enjoyed not having to stress out over bills, having to make sure things are being paid on time…..since I was 18 I’ve had to worry and stress and penny pinch. I had to carry the burden when ex-husband #2 continued to lose job after job …… it sucked. It is such a relief now to be married to  someone who is not only smart but financially smart.

When I got home I told my husband the conversation I had with the nosey insurance broker and how I felt like an idiot and  that I became someone who I thought I would never be. “I didn’t know these questions and I felt stupid….I knew she was thinking how can I possibly not know this, because I was thinking the same thing!!!”

“You’re right, you should know…..go grab a pen and paper” he said.

It was nice to be in the know of our household. We talked in detail where money should go if we were to pass on.  He told me how much he would give my kids (I even mentioned how I wanted my furkids to get $1000, hey Lily needs a dress once in a while)….I waited patiently to see how much he would like me to give his daughter and step-daughter from a previous marriage. He said “it’s your choice how much you want to give them, they probably wouldn’t even care if I died“.

I wanted to hug him……he was in his head, I knew he missed his daughter. I sat back and told him what I would say to them if they even dared to ask for their monetary amount that they thought was due to them.

“If you feel that you deserve something then let’s do it this way…..how about we figure in $1000 for every birthday you acknowledged, $1000 for every Fathers day you called and talked to him….how about random calls?? what about visits on Christmas or calls?……. hmmmm since I’ve been with your father you have done zero, no calls…no texts, no cards….so I think you owe me? why don’t you write a check in the amount of $_______ and send it to the D.V.A or Billy Graham or some other charity in your father’s name”. My husband grinned. He knew I would handle things just fine.

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25 thoughts on “I became THAT woman ….without knowing it.

    • ME TOO!!! but i was only THAT woman for about seven months……hahahaha…..now I feel ALOT better.
      and yeah….he is wonderful…..shhhhhhh……don’t tell him I said that!! 😉

  1. My wife comes from a culture where wives are in control of the household money, so it’s kind of reversed with us.

    I need to know more about our finances and all that stuff. It’s just that my wife is like an accountant — she is so good with money and budgeting. I never have been.

    So this post was a wake-up call for me. Thanks!

    • You’re welcome Topaz!!

      I’ve always been in control and knowing about where the money went…..before I married my husband and plus he’s done a hell of a job getting his finances in order so i have all the faith in the world that he won’t steer us in the wrong direction……but that conversation that I had yesterday made me feel VERY STUPID!!

  2. I could never not be in control of finances, especially my own. I want to know where my paycheck is going and why it’s going there. If I were to ever get married again, I think that there would be separate accounts, maybe along with a joint one. I learned from the last divorce that joint accounts can get sticky. But it’s probably because I feel that way I won’t get married again.
    Life insurance is always good to have. Does your husband not have one through his job?

      • I was asking because that is all I have right now, through my employer. I guess I could get more through like Allstate or something but I figured that my family would only need funeral expenses and the number to my divorce lawyer because my sister (who I have named Guardian to my son should I die before he’s 18) would have to probably fight my ex about something, probably child support or (God Forbid) he decides he wants to take my son away since I’m dead and out of the picture and can’t fight him anymore.

  3. I have 2 folders put together. One for my wife and one for me. Each folder has copies of everything. It also includes all passwords. She has always had access to everything. I meet with our financial advisor at least twice a year. I meet with my insurance agent at least 2 twice a year. In one of those meetings it is strictly to go over the homeowners policy. That can be tricky. Its good that you know. That agent was trying to sell you something you don’t need.

  4. Well once again I will humble myself and spill it….I was “THAT” woman for twenty years!!! Yes a true dumb ass, I know….however, here I sit with NOTHING…and because I chose to put my head in the sand he got away with paying me zero spousal support after twenty four years of marriage…I even lost my home…so here I am starting from the bottom….there are days when I truly struggle and get angry but it does nothing so I am trying to follow my dream as a writer and to help other women…I am fairly certain you all are much younger then myself and a whole lot smarter!!!!

    • Thank you for your response……I wouldn’t say “smarter” more like wiser. hahhaa….. I fell into that “comfort” mode and I guess I was a bit delusional never thinking that he could possibly be gone tomorrow. His friend was in his 50s when he died in a motorcycle accident, so with the death it kind of woke us up to the what ifs in life.

  5. Totally sounds like me. My husband has told me this information in the past but it just goes in one ear and out the other. I wish I could remember but I don’t. I know it’s very important and if something ever happens to him God forbid I would be totally lost! I would be calling you over right away to help me!

  6. I really enjoyed reading your post. This is a conversation I need to discuss with my husband because we have two kids under two. These companies are always selling you more than you need. This just gives you the heads up to be in charge of the call, the next time you call back.

    • Thank you 🙂
      I think the rep was a little frustrated with me when I wasn’t going for her more expensive policy. My husband and I did our research and we knew what we wanted.
      like you said “you have to be in charge!!”

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