Daily Prompt : Naked with black socks

 

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My palms sweat, I contemplate over and over again how I can possibly get out of this situation, my heart races and wouldn’t you know, my nervousness jumps starts my IBS (irritable bowel syndrome)…..great!

Public speaking has always been an issue for me; in school I would rather get the F then go up in front of the classroom and give a speech. As I got older my fear of speaking in public just got worse, but I had to confront my fear head on because I had no choice….I couldn’t “call in sick”, I couldn’t pretend to have a sudden bout of laryngitis; I had to stand before my work colleagues and give my presentation.

People say to get over your fear of speaking you should picture the audience in their underwear, well ….. I’m sorry I wasn’t going to GO there with my co-workers; it just wasn’t going to happen. So for a week I practiced my speech, an hour before our meeting I went over and over it again…..I made sure I didn’t eat anything that morning in fear that my IBS would show up. It was time; I tried to make eye contact …. I tried not to rush through my presentation …..I tried not to fidget or pick at my nails … I tried to smile ….I tried to push the thought of “what are they thinking” out of my head ….. I tried to read the expression on their faces …were they bored?  Are they interested? Are they judging me?

The speech is now a mere blur, my boss was impressed and suggested that I give a presentation once a month. Thank God her “once a month” idea never took. I think if it did I would have had to look for another job!!

I envy those that are confident within themselves to speak in front of a room full of people, I envy those that go up to a total stranger and strike up a conversation because I can’t. I won’t. You couldn’t pay me enough…well maybe you can, for a price.

My fear comes down to one thing, judgment. I have heard “who cares what they think” many times over, but I care. I care what they say about me, think about me, I don’t want to be mocked or laughed at, well unless I say something funny. Maybe….one day I will get over this fear, but I’m not going to hold my breath.

 

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21 thoughts on “Daily Prompt : Naked with black socks

  1. I say find something you’re passionate about and then go public speak about that. I lost my fear when I started teaching indoor cycle (Spinning). I loved cycling enough to overcome my fear of getting in front of people.
    You can’t help but want to reach your audience when you’re enthused about the subject. 🙂

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    • I think it’s sooooo funny how I can just type away, opening myself up for everyone to see, well read through blogging but if I was placed in a situation were I had to discuss this topic in public….I would NOT say a word, I would shy away or excuse myself to the bathroom.

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  8. Can´t speak in public….but you sure can write. I´ve been so judged throughout my childhood that in late teens early twenties(it took some time to get over it) I decided to live by my motto “I don´t give a fuck”,it truly works I´m not kidding. You can´t not care about everything but most of the things in our life´s you can say “fuck that I´m doing and saying this. I don´t give a shit if my ass stinks, if it bothers you buy a bottle of cologne and stick up your nose or just don´t stare at me or be near me.” Plus my lack of embarrassment level is too low I believe, it help sometimes and it detrimental in others ways but speaking for myself it works out fine overall. Laughing at yourself quite helps. I wake up in the morning, insult myself in the mirror to no end and after that I have the power to go out into the world and do and say and fuck with any other person if I want since it´s my duty after chastising myself in the mirror. Keep posting.
    Stay Frosty

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