Daily Prompt : Regrets ….I’ve had a few

Todays Daily Prompt asks What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

crossroads1

I have often thought about how my life would have been like if I never met Mr.Crazy. Life would still be a struggle, this I know  but I wouldn’t have had the extra chaos that being with him brought on. I believe my relationship with my oldest daughter would have never seen the obstacles that it did when I decided to date and then marry this man. Being with this man caused a lot of turmoil between my daughter and I and my first husband seeing this only fueled the fire by his nasty words and constant manipulation of the situation. I knew she only wanted the best for me and rushing into a relationship especially with him was just setting me up for failure. My kids never truly liked him ….. they thought he was a bit “odd”. My oldest daughter just wanted me to focus on my faith and take sometime being ALONE then being with a man.

I would like to believe that my relationship with my ex and his family would still be  tolerable and not what it is today………….it was my ex-husband that introduced me to Mr.Crazy, never thinking we I would settle and end up marrying the guy. My ex wasn’t too thrilled with the progression of the relationship and he made it such an issue. Mr.Crazy once said “it’s like he is still hung up on you and doesn’t want me to be with you”. Sure seemed like that for awhile……once I moved in with MC everything around me started to fall apart. My relationships with my girls and my ex just started to unravel. Chaos thrived in this household…..it sucked the life out of everything positive….and if I am being honest with you…there wasn’t much.

I would have never been introduced to his rage and that “look”….which I only saw when he unleashed his monstrous rage. I wouldn’t have to see the negative side of a mommas boy and be fooled by his family. I would have never been prescribed Prozac for my  anxiety and end up gaining 40 pounds because of it. I would have never faked early menopause just so he wouldn’t touch me.

crossroads_in_life

In the end, when I was at the crossroads of my life and if I knew what I know now……I would have never gone down that road that was full of turmoil, lies, secrets , depression, dysfunction and mental illness…..I should have listened to my children when they said  “WHY HIM?? really mom??” , I should have listened to my girlfriend who said “why are you lowering yourself, you two don’t even look right together”….I should have listened to the many who said “you can do so much better” but I had my super powered rose-colored glasses on and hands over my ears.  I was going to do what I was going to do…….no one was going to tell me otherwise.

and if you all are wondering …yes I did hear a lot of “I told you so’s” ….. yes I had to admit my mistake and yes I have had to work hard on restoring my relationship with my oldest daughter …it’s still not where I want it to be, but I feel in order for that to happen she needs to remove her rose-colored glasses and see her father for who he is…..but like I, it took me time to remove mine and face reality. My relationship with my middle child Ann is better than ever and my  son….he hates to be in the middle of family issues so he has learned to step away or just keep it to himself and focus on school and football.

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14 thoughts on “Daily Prompt : Regrets ….I’ve had a few

  1. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve had a few | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

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  3. You are incredibly courageous for putting yourself out there but its great to write. Its therapeutic. I’m sure your relationship with your oldest will improve and get to where you like it, eventually. 🙂

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