Last week I was featured as a Guest Blogger on Suzie81blog…. I thought I would share that post with all of you!!
As I was sitting in seat 2F getting ready for a weekend of relaxation and a brief escape from my life, I felt the rumble of the plane speeding down the tarmac, my chest being pulled to the back of the seat as the plane lifted off the ground. I stared out the window and felt an overwhelming sense of emotion. As I looked down below and saw California getting further and further away I felt a giant release of the stress that I have been kept captive of for the last few months. Tears started to well up in my eyes; I was determined to leave my troubles and anxiety behind me for the next few days. As the plane started to level off, I looked out at the darkness beside me and flashbacks of the many times that I cried and the overwhelming unease that I had felt over too me. It was at that moment, I realized that I needed to move forward and not dwell on the last few months and to enjoy the next three days of no stress that was going to start as soon as the plane set down at JFK airport. That’s when I closed my eyes and a slight smile appeared across my face.
“Good Morning folks, 30 minutes until we make our descent into JFK” I slowly began to look around, the man next to me was still asleep, the flight attendant looked at me and gave me a welcoming smile. I began straightening myself up and tried not to look like I didn’t get any sleep during the flight. In just a short while I was going to set foot in New York once again….I seriously never thought I would be back considering the person that I was meeting at the airport was a man who I was involved with for a year and our break up was not so pleasant.
Although, there had been tension after the breakup it seemed as though our chapter was just not quite finished, somehow we remained friends and to our surprise our friendship never died. Logan was the one that made this escape possible and as New York became visible through the breaking clouds I began to feel anxious on so many levels. I was excited to see him, but scared to have those old emotions that I locked up be released because I was in no way ready to revisit them and I knew that once I saw him and his warm smile I had to somehow break down a little of the wall that I built up, not from him exactly but from men in general. Then as those anxious feelings swarmed through out my body, they were put to rest when I heard “Welcome to JFK”. I was back, and I was going to see a very special friend in just a few minutes. As I looked out the window to a somewhat cloudy day, New York was there greeting me. I took a deep breath and quietly told myself “you deserve this and it’s time to move forward. Jolene it’s time to reclaim yourself”
I knew I looked horrible, who doesn’t after taking a red-eye flight? Blotchy skin, dark circles under the eyes and I knew that blemish that was on my chin took on a new life of its own during that 4 ½ hour flight, and although I tried to conceal some of those obvious not so appealing spots on my face with face powder, Logan didn’t give me any clues that he thought the same way and if he did he played it off very well, at least he didn’t bolt in the other direction. There he was, with that big smile on his face and an awaiting hug to give “just breath and damnit smile”…why was I so nervous? finally we were standing right in front of each other and I looked right into his eyes and knew that I had nothing to worry about …for the first time in a long while I felt safe.