Soul Mates – is it just a bunch of bologna?

God created androgynous souls—equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or “separation from God.” Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.

~ Edgar Cayce

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As a young girl I based my whole existence on finding my knight in shiny armor/soul mate/ Prince Charming (I know pathetic) only to come to the realization in my early thirties that this whole Disneyland fantasy of finding my soul mate was just a bunch of bologna.

The topic of Soul Mates came up when I recently received a message from an old boyfriend of mine who came across my blog and said

I’m happy with Melinda and all and am grateful as you are that we have found our soul mates

I stopped, reread that sentence and rolled my eyes…… because I never claimed that my husband was my soul mate. I just don’t believe in soul mates. Then I recalled when MM and I were dating he referred to me as his “soul mate” this freaked me out more than the words “I love you” did and I told him that I wasn’t his soul mate. I soon learned that this was a total mood killer. He wasn’t the only one that threw out the “S” word………..I think some men thought by saying that I was their soul mate that I would melt and I succumb to his every desire…..but this was met with a look of “you got to be kidding, really??

I believe that there is that one person that you can totally click with, that you love with all your heart, that you could somehow tolerate his/her strange habits or silly routines. I believe in love, I believe in romance, I believe in passion but to roll it all up and label the person you’re married to or dating your “soul mate” is just setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I was in a serious relationship and thought “This is it!! he’s the one, I can feel it!! he’s my prince charming” only to find out later that he was nothing but a world-class jerk. I even went as far as proposing to a man to only have my heart seriously broken because he would rather pop pills,play Madden, text his old girlfriends “ya wanna make out” rather than making out with his fiance’  and fully realizing that he did have it all….until it was too late.

I asked several people their thoughts on the subject and the majority of them didn’t believe in soul mates.

I don’t believe in soul mates. I used to (mainly from watching too many chick flicks), but as I’ve aged I think that the concept, while lovely, is unrealistic. The Bloke is my best friend certainly, but I truly believe that if we lived in different cities and had never met we would be in equally fulfilling relationships with other people. There’s seven billion people on the planet and what I believe is that people are more compatible with some than others depending on their personalities and their interests~ Suzie

I do not believe in them.  I believe that there is enough differences in everyone that to be perfect soul mates does not exist.  I thought I could find the perfect one, but after looking for so many years I figured it did not exist.  Even after finding “The One” i found that we both had so many differences that something had to hold us together.  Had that little girl not been part of the equation, we would not be together. ~John

I hate to be the rotten tomato, but no, I don’t believe they exist.  I originally thought my current hubby was my soul mate, but I eventually realized that he’s only the exact opposite of my first husband.  It’s my opinion that there are certain people with whom we have more in common with, but even those relationships take work, and if you’re with that person long enough, you’ll eventually see that there are MAJOR differences with that person, too, that need to be worked out.  Not every day is pleasant and all sunshine and roses with ANYONE.  I feel like if there was a such thing as soul mates, that wouldn’t be the case. -Alicia

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We see those rare stories of couples that have been married for over fifty years, one of the spouses die and within the week the other spouse passes on to. The caption usually states “Wife/Husband dies of broken heart”. I admit I secretly wish to be THAT lucky but still that doesn’t mean they were “soul mates” destined by a greater power to walk the earth, life after life until they happen to find each other.

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I’m not sure if I believe in soul mates, I guess when Phil dies and I then I do soon after then I will truly know that he was my soul mate.  -Andrea

I have learned that there’s not one definitive soul mate out there. I think we fit a relationship to last, souls need to connect, but our souls can connect with many people, as humans are so dynamic ~ Dawn

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I love hearing the opinions of the young at heart, still open to the phrase “Love will conquer all”. My oldest daughter strongly believes that God will place “The ONE” in her path and she will know without a doubt when she meets him that this is the guy brought to her by God. I love her faith and belief that she doesn’t need to date a handful of guys because the first man she dates will be the one. I hope that this does happen for her. At the age of 22 I don’t want her to experience that dreadful feeling of “but I just thought……I knew God heard me, I believed….I had faith”.

I believe that you have a soul mate…cuz when you have a relationship where you just have that super strong connection, were you can’t live without them…you would DIE for that person because you love them so much. They are your best friend and your better half….I also believe you can have more than one. In those cases where you become a widow/widower you can meet a new love/soul mate. ~ Ann,19

Soul mates exist but for their relationship to last it has to be true love. Love is not a feeling it is an action of selflessness, always doing what is best for the other person. Two people with that kind of love striving/centered in God will last ~ Marie, 22

After speaking with my daughter Ann last night she asked  “Your husband is your soul mate right?” …. “No, Lily (my furgirl) is”. I knew she would get a kick out of that response. Yes, I was making light of the topic.  If I were to believe in the whole meaning of a soul mate then I think a soul mate doesn’t necessarily have to be your partner, maybe it could be your best friend who just gets you……..and why couldn’t it be Lily my furgirl?? hahaha…..granted my husband says animals have no souls….which only leads to a whole other disagreement…………Heck, hasn’t he ever seen “All dogs go to heaven?”

Where do you stand on Soul Mates? Do you believe or do you think it’s just something that has been exaggerated over time by romance novels and chick flick movies?

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26 thoughts on “Soul Mates – is it just a bunch of bologna?

  1. The idea that there’s “one person” out there is just ridiculous. My wife’s grandmother passed away last week. She was 83. Her first husband died of a heart attack when he was 54 and she remarried a couple of year later. She was married to her second husband for over 30 years. She loved both men and both men were perfect for her. Was one of these men her soulmate?

    Teaching people that there’s only “one person out there” can create some apocalyptic feelings when a relationship ends.

    • I totally agree with you! I have been let down MANY times over…..it wasn’t until I came face to face with the realization that I needed to stop thinking my “soul mate” was out there waiting for me…searching endlessly ….that i began to relax and not put all my eggs in one basket.

  2. I once argued in a law school class that nobody is “happily” married and that the best one can be is contently married. Happiness means I could get up and leave the house at 10:30 at night and not have to tell anybody where I’m going, which doesn’t happen so it makes me unhappy to have to explain that I wish to go to the tavern to tie one on! Lol. I don’t know about soulmates; that sounds corny. I have fishing buddies that are probably closer to my soulmates than my wife is, but I love her and not them.

  3. I believe in soul mates, just not in the context they are usually described. I also don’t believe you have only one, although finding more than one is rare.

    My soul mate is a male friend. Before we even met, our lives were completely parallel. We experienced similar traumas in our youths, made similar mistakes in our teens and were faced with similar dilemmas in adulthood. Where I chose to go left in such situations, he went right. We are soul mates because we are different sides of the same coin. We understand each other on a level that doesn’t even need to be acknowledged or expressed. I know when he is hurting or needs me, without even being in the same country as him, and he feels the same about me. There is an undeniable connection between us, not unlike those twins often report feeling.

    Is it romantic? No. Do I love him? With all my heart and soul.

    • see….I have that type of connection with my closest friends. One who I have known since I was 4 and then my best friend from high school. We just know that something is wrong and 9 times out of ten we call to check up on that person.

      Thank you for your input 🙂

  4. The term soul mates has definitely been over used in the movies, romance novels, etc…but I think if you love someone with all of your soul, then they’re most likely your mate. Which is why I agree with you that my fur baby Ted is my soul mate! Although in human terms, I think the older we get, the more jaded we become due to life circumstances and what has personally happened to us as we’ve navigated our own journeys. At the end of the day, love is love – and isn’t that all anyone can ask for? 🙂

    • Our furkids just get us……they accept our crazy, they tend to us when we are upset, lick our tears and voice their opinions when we are late filling up their bowl. Lil and I just get each other…..we know when we are both in a mood….and I will call her out on every temper tantrum she throws…she does this floppy fish thing when she doesn’t get her way. Since it worked for her as a puppy she still continues this behavior…sometimes this works and sometimes I just tell her to knock it off!! ….she let out a big huff and walk away 🙂 gotta love her

  5. Soul mates, I dunno. Even if there were, it would be incredibly hard to stumble upon them. Specially in countries of the Asian sub continent where arranged marriages are the norm, So no, I don’t think I believe in them. I love the thought of it but I dont subscribe to the thought in real life.

  6. Personally, I don’t believe in soul mates. What happens when you’ve found “the one” and then meet someone later on down the line who you also think is “the one”?

  7. I loved this post. I’m still undecided on this. I think it’s all about timing. You need different people at different points in your life. Men that weren’t right at 20…may have been perfect at 35, but then you look back romantically and think they must have been a ‘ soulmate’ because you still wonder about them. I tend to only hear the term ‘soulmate’ from those who are single and still looking for them….almost like a child still looking for a fairy. Those in relationships steer clear of this term….we probably don’t want to admit that there could be someone better suited roaming around out there.

  8. There is nothing predestined about making a relationships work. It takes a great deal of mutual effort. Labeling someone your soul mate minimizes the effort both parties invest into a successful relationship.I find it more romantic to know my fiance’ loves me because he wants to and not because some divine force has destined him to.

  9. I don’t think I believe in soul mates anymore, though I love to read about them in my trashy romance novels. I think people are fortunate to find someone they love, someone to laugh with, who’s baggage/habits/idiosyncrasies don’t make them bananas, and they thank their lucky stars.

    • I think it’s the fault of those trashy novels that get us into hoping that soul mates are real …. that there is some bronzed handsome built well endowed man ready to sweep us off our feet…..but then we are hit with the reality of the fact that those don’t exist either!!

  10. Pingback: Love, Phenotypes, Baseball Magic, and “Soul Mates” – Guest Blogger | Valley Girl Gone Country

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