“I’ll show you” …from average teen to wild child

low self esteem

A brat? Yes….rebellious I wasn’t but I wanted to make a point. The point being that mommy and daddy dearest needed loosen their parental reins just a bit  and if they were going to categorize me as a “partier, alcoholic and a wild child” then why not just jump right into what they thought me to be. Right??  Now, I assume they got this stupid assumption of me when I was 15, my room covered in NKOTB posters and from time to time I listened to INXS and Guns and Roses.

Now…..I was still that silly teenage girl who cried at the drop of a hat when she saw Joey,Donnie,Danny,Jordan and John  on T.V but I guess because I also listened to the hair /rockish type of bands I was now in their heads, out of control “ wild child” and I do remember the first time that I came home from hanging out with friends and told to come straight to my father’s room to “have a talk” next thing I know he’s giving me a sobriety test. Ok, I wasn’t the type to hit their bar cabinet and drink some vodka and fill it up with water….I may have taken a few sips of a wine cooler but back in the day I thought that  was daring. It wasn’t until after the uncalled sobriety test and lecture that I thought “heck I must be missing out”; there was nothing that I could do to prove to my parents that I wasn’t what they thought me to be. I had already been thrown into the “bad child” category a long time ago.

It was sophomore year and my best friend and I were just at our wits end with our parents. Of course “they didn’t understand” or wanted to understand what we were going through. I guess that’s why Jenny and I gravitated towards one another just because our parents refused to let us have some sort of life….a teenage life, but her and I had that LABEL of “bad child”.  Due to this label bestowed on us we jumped right in….we started to ditch school and sneak out of the house to discover what we were being held captive of. Most of the time we snuck over to each other’s homes and watched VHS movies or episodes of Jerry Springer….nothing too wild and crazy. This was our way of “showing them”…..but in “showing them” our grades dropped and notices came home and of course our parents “talked” and realized that we had been ditching classes. So the call was made and Jenny and I were no longer  to have the same class schedules or hang out together.

We weren’t going to HAVE that and we were really going to SHOW them!!  So around midnight I jumped the back fence and met up with Jenny and her boyfriend. We all stayed in a hotel room just going over “our plan” for this new independence. In a way I think we wanted our parents to “see what they were missing” to come together and realize that we weren’t BAD we just wanted this label to be taken off and their actions led us to where we were at…..which was in a seedy motel room. Morning came and I knew by this time my father would have had reported to his cop friends that his daughter and friend went missing, I could only imagine my mother just putting on this crying act for everyone to see “ohhhh how could the Lord do this to me?” She always blamed the Lord for any hardship done to her…..including my pregnancy (but that’s another story).

For a couple of days we just roamed our local streets, the Laundromat being our safe haven. We would just sit and think about what we had done and what we were going to do. We decided later that evening to call the Runaway hotline and get some advice and as we were dialing the number we heard “Hey girls!” As we turned around we noticed it was her father. He didn’t seem all that upset, unlike the wrath that was to come when I got home. He reached for his brick sized phone and called Jenny’s mom (they were separated). At this time her mother and step father were at my home and from what we were told my mother let out a huge cry “we found them we found them!!” Hmmmm no you didn’t Jenny’s dad found us, I thought. He then told them that he was going to take us out to eat but that was quickly changed and we had to come home ASAP. Her father shrugged and said a few words to us but I don’t recall it being a lecture, if I remember right he seemed to understand our rebellious act.

As we entered the house we were told to go directly to the table where there was a plate of bread and two glasses of water. “wow” ok…..my dad was REALLY playing his role as cop!! Did this scare us? No I remember us talking about this later on and thinking it was hilarious. We sat through their lecture, accusations, name calling and sentence …Jenny was told that she was going to go live with her father in Los Angeles and I was grounded for eternity which was nothing different from before. The following week I was taken to a gynecologist to make sure that I was still a virgin…..and then later to a therapist who spent the following hour calling me a whore and a nuisance to society.

I often ask myself if I had to do it all over again would I? Probably not because it didn’t change my parents perception of me. Nothing I could have done before my adventure or after would make them see me the way they saw my sister. She was the IT child, not me. …..and it took me until my late 30’s to realize that I need to stop trying to seek acknowledgement from my parents.  What I learned from all this though was that  I would not label my children in any negative way…… “Troubled”, “bad child”, “waste of a human”, are titles that should never be bestowed on a child.

I have kept my word and although THEY have come to me on many occasions and asked “I’m your favorite huh?”….I smile and say “You are my favorite son (only have one), You are my favorite 19 year old girl, You are my favorite 21 year old!!” ……. They all have great qualities about them; yes we have had our ups and downs but who doesn’t?  It’s just how we come out of it that makes our relationship stronger.


11 thoughts on ““I’ll show you” …from average teen to wild child

    • Thank you…..I just felt that it very important to share my experience and how labeling a child in a negative way can really mess them up later in life.

      I don’t have much of a relationship with them to this day…..but I’ve come to be ok with that!!

  1. Awesome post – so honest and really well crafted…

    How sad that you were made to feel that way… It’s positive in the way you chose to be a parent yourself! Kudos!

  2. I always wonder if there was ever any teenage rebellion prior to James Dean. Or did the whole teenage culture only evolve with him and certain musical influences? Or did kids just decide that enough was enough of being mini adults?
    All the fifties kids deciding at the same time to rebel? I was the eldest sister so I kind of got to break the mould on what and what not was allowed. Saying that, the goal posts changed as each child reached ‘that’ age.
    I know that, with my own. I’ve had to change and learn as they have done.
    I must say, you’re much nicer than me. When my kids say, ‘Sure you love me best, Mum?’ my response is usually, ‘You know I hate you all equally.’ They think it’s a hoot. One get out of jail free card for favouritism! There can be none in families although I think kids still perceive parental responses as being favourable to one over the other.
    It’s almost in the nature.
    My eldest boy has always had something of a chip on his shoulder. One day, he looked at the dinners set on the table, many plates, different sized portions for the adults and wee ones. He looked at the plates and said, ‘Is that all I’m getting?’ I asked him which one was his. He admitted he didn’t know!
    Not at all pleasant though, if the favouritism is evident and practised. Hugs. Look at who you are now.x

  3. Wow! That is a brave post. It takes incredible bravery to put yourself out there. Kudos to you for being willing to tell all. Its amazing how sometimes our weirdest and wildest behaviour is brought on by our parents. We sometimes rebel cause they force us to, as was in your case. The one thing I hope I remember as Z grows up is to let him have his experiences and most importantly not to forget mine. If we can remember how we were at their age and just let them be their age, then a lot of problems can be solved.

  4. Woah! I saw Sophia Bush’s pretty face and got all excited, and then all of a sudden I was hit with an incredibly heavy post. Holy emotional backflip, Batman!
    I echo the sentiments above. A very brave and honest post, and more power to you for being able to share that here. I do love how you have taken from the past things that you have then used to shape you into being a magnificent soul. There is an awful lot of strength in that. I do think your awareness and ability to apply what you have decided you want in your life and relationships now is fantastic. 🙂

    • Thank EJ….and thanks for making me choke on my water when I read “Holy emotional backflip, Batman!” for some reason I heard Sheldon Cooper voice!!

      I feel that when I write about very personal things it’s a way for me to come face to face with a part of myself that I really haven’t moved on from. When i write, I try to remind myself how I have overcome each situation…..I remind myself how I have stopped the cycle and have some how found the humor behind each “not so good” situation. …..I guess that’s how I cope.

      Thank you for reading 🙂

      • My pleasure! I can understand that mode of writing, for sure. It’s very different putting it all down in words on a page than it is merely thinking thoughts in your head. Glad you’ve found an outlet that assists. Thanks for writing so open and honestly. Well, thanks for writing at all. Every post of yours is absolute gold. 🙂

  5. Pingback: WordPress Family Award | mostlytrueramblings

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