Daily Post : Open Letter to my twenty something self

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Dear Jolene,

I know you are in a dark place right now but please don’t give up. I know it would be such an easy fix to just end it all but you can’t. Don’t listen to that piece of shit ex-husband of yours when he says that the kids would be better off if you were no longer in their life. Don’t let his evilness plague you, it’s his own selfish need to reign on top in their eyes that keeps him going. Yes, he will continue to tell your children that you didn’t want anything to do with them but you know the truth and one day they will to. They will know that you cried for months before turning to him for help, you knew he might revel in the fact that you needed him; that you couldn’t make it on your own without his assistance but I know you thought he had changed you thought he was a better person than that. You believed him when he said that he was glad to help, plus it was time for him to get to know his children and be the father that they need.

I wish I could hold you through your pain and sadness but you did the right thing. You didn’t give up on your children, your decision to let your kids live with their father while you get it together was out of love for them. You knew him and his wife could offer them more than you could right now and to be surrounded by family would only create life long memories for them. They could offer them an abundance of love, daily laughter, holidays that they will remember, moments that they can treasure. You did the right thing trust me. Yes, it’s difficult to be without your children on a daily basis and that hole in your heart will only be temporary filled when you hear them on the other end of the phone or when you wrap your arms around them  and see their beautiful faces staring back at you.

You did this for them remember that. You will show them that with perseverance and faith that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Yes, you only make minimum wage and are working a crappy job but this will lead to so much more. Don’t give up please…..plus you don’t want him to win and you know he will feel vindicated and his words true if you give up. I know you hate the poison that he seeps into your children’s head but one day they will learn the truth, one day they will feel it in their heart that you did this for them and that your choices weren’t based on a selfish need.

Lessons you will learn and some lessons are big, but you need to realize that you are a lot stronger than you realize. You are not alone on this journey remember that, turn to God when you struggle he will pick you up. You will experience heartache, you will experience the endless desire to seek your parents approval which my dear will never come so please don’t make that a priority, live for your children, love but not too hard, yes protect that giving heart of yours but when that one special man comes around you will know……but it won’t be for sometime, A LONG TIME…..he will leave but God has a plan…just trust in him. Please.

I hope this finds you some peace. I’m not going to lie and sugar coat things because I know you hate that so I will say that it will be a tough road but it’s worth it in the end.

Remember, I love you

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39 thoughts on “Daily Post : Open Letter to my twenty something self

      • I find it therapeutic to let the past out in my posts, even more so than to an individual one-on-one. It’s strange, but amazingly helpful. And it helps us to know that we’re not alone. ❤

        • I’m just prepared to get a phone call ….. this post will make it’s way to certain people no thanks to Mr.Crazy and his love for my ex-husband……so sad…… but this letter was raw, I had to go back to that dark time in my life and remembering the pain, the desperation and his cutting words was like it all happened yesterday….but that day was over 14 years ago.

      • I’m glad things are better, I can’t imagine how you must have felt to be so young, so alone and without your children. I’ve been following you for a while but I’ve not had a chance to have a proper browse, sorry, but will try and do so soon. I’m still so new to all this and there just aren’t enough hours in the day!

    • They are old enough to see the truth now….my 19 year old isn’t blind to her fathers antics, my 17 year old son tries to not fuel the fire but my 22 year old daughter holds her father on a pedestal, to her he’s GOD.

        • Ohhh plenty of times….. there was a time last year when my daughter wanted to leave with me full time (we had since shared rotated weeks)….well, I am not sure what kid told me but chaos erupted, my ex was upset with my daughter and the news of my daughters decision went as far as to their grandparents who replied “why would Ann want to live with her she gave her up when they were little”…..I was driving when I was told this and broke out in tears. I thought all this garbage was past us…I admired my kids grandparents, thought highly of the grandmother until that night……my son reached over to me as I was sobbing and said he knows the truth and that they knew we loved them and didn’t give up on them. ……. I have no respect for that family…….they pretend to live such a Christian life yet they judge others endlessly…….it’s sad

  1. Pingback: An open letter to my nomad children. | 3rdculturechildren

  2. I love this! I mostly love the insight you had into your own situation…..Willing to do what what’s necessary to get you to the next stage. Great post!

  3. Oh my, I just want to hug you right now! That must have been tough for you, there are things that we have to selflessly do especially for our kids. I just wrote a younger version of myself today too but it was nowhere near the beauty of this!

  4. Pingback: Knowing what I know now ….. | Valley Girl Gone Country

  5. I think this a beautiful piece of writing. Only yesterday I wrote a post to my 16 year old self and I wish it had been as raw and as frank as yours. It sounds like you have been through some tough times and I hope that however things are for you now you’ve found some peace.

    • Thank you Amber ….. yes I have found some peace, it took me a long time but things are much better. I ended up writing a follow up to that piece the following day. I did that just to give all the read the letter the background to what brought me to that dark place in my life.
      I really enjoyed reading your letter to your 16 year old self!!
      Thank you again for your feedback!

  6. Wow, am pretty speechless here. Some things you wrote hit such a nerve, especially when you reminded yourself of how strong you are and to trust in God. I’ve had some dark periods and your letter… your letter is so deep, so personal and raw; yet it could inspire so many people. It has definitely inspired me. As for your children; you are a wonderful mother because you did the hardest thing ever and handed them over out of pure love. I hope you find peace and that your children find a way to be with the mum they clearly adore. I am sending you so many hugs and thank you x

    • Thank you for such touching sweet words….It’s been a tough road and I wrote a follow up to this blog the day after, just to give the readers a little bit of a background and what has happened since. My daughter (the middle girl, 19) she actually left a response which was so sweet to read!!

  7. Wow! It takes immense courage to face yourself and by writing this letter, you just proved how brave you are. I think we don’t give children enough credit. I’m sure they see what is happening and why you did what you did. They are so much more sensitive than we ever imagine. Remember to just love them the way you do and they will love you back too. Don’t give up, don’t ever give up. Things will get better, they always do. 🙂

    Following you! You can find me at http://beingnenne.wordpress.com/

  8. I really like how honest you are with yourself. This topic is very personal. I hope you keep working towards having your children live with you and do all you can to be at peace with yourself. Keep your head up and keep your eyes on your goals.

    • Aww thank you for your kind words!!! actually my oldest is now 22, my middle daughter is 19 and my son is 17…..the two oldest now live on their own and my son decided to live with his father just because he didn’t want to experience the wrath that his sister did when she decided to live with me fulltime.

    • also….if you ever want positive feedback…on Sundays WordPress has a thing called Community Pool and many bloggers attach a link of their post that they want an honest response from….plus it’s a way to draw traffic to your site and maybe reach people you normally wouldn’t.

  9. Pingback: Today’s Guest Blogger – My Daughter, Ann (there was no bribing involved) | Valley Girl Gone Country

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