Spinster…..aka Hopeless Romantic

This morning while catching up on my favorite must read blogs  I came across 1 Year of Single post called Denial of Points. It was almost like reading something that I had written years ago in a previous blog  depicting my frustration with single life.

She wrote:

I feel like I’ve been thrown multiple life lessons and I’m failing every one. Why else would the lessons be never-ending? When I look around, I don’t see everyone else going through years of endless dating torture.

I want to know when these stupid little life lessons are going to end and I’m going to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Where’s the damn prize? I feel like I’m getting nowhere, like a salmon swimming upstream; I don’t even know what the lessons are, or what the point of the lessons are. And yet at the same time, I look back on my decisions – like how I chose to continue being ‘friends’ with a guy who can’t decide if he should leave his cheating wife or not – and think, “God must be tired of me spinning my wheels all the time like a Gafatch.

I totally felt her frustration because I WAS her (up until last June)….I felt defeated by each life lesson that was thrown in my path……I mean COME ON already how many lessons and failed relationships does one person have to go through in order to find the one? It’s so simple for some……like my sister, she may have only encountered two dating life lessons to my fifteen years (give or take a year or two) of spinsterhood. At times I felt that I had been cursed or that Karma was being a REAL BITCH and paying me back for something that I royally screwed up on in  a previous lifetime….whatever it was I couldn’t figure it out. I tried to….but to no avail I kept making wrong decisions when it came to men….and I was actually beginning to believe the label my ex-husband placed on me…..Spinster, but I prefer “Hopeless Romantic”.


I tried dating the good guys, you know the type that complain that women only want bad boys….so I gave the good guys a shot. All I found out is that line is just that ….. a line, because the “good guys” that I dated were just as bad as the tattoo’d bad boys. For instance….Paul. Looked like a good guy, smelled like a good guy, we had a lot in common, was very attentive only problem was that he was also attentive to two other women, in two different cities.

I tried the bad boy, tattoos ….tongue ring….a bit younger but that boy couldn’t carry on a conversation to save his life. He was nice to look at during those brief summer months but after that….adios!

There was the guy who claimed to want to marry me, we moved in …..things were good until I found out that he was still in love with his stripper ex-wife, but he claimed that it was over. Five months later I began to feel that something was just a bit off and after snooping around I noticed he had a profile on a dating website saying he was looking for love. We broke up and I was left living in a place I called “hell in the desert” while he was off loving on someone new.

imagesI then decided that I needed to change things up……I would just date a guy based on his personality and not dismiss him based on his looks. That brings me to Gollum or the white ET as my friends called him. We dated for quite sometime, but his overly health nut attitude and my love for carbs became a problem……looking back now I should have stood my ground  when he scolded me for putting too much butter on my bread and the lecture I got when I ordered a Dr. Pepper . I should have stuffed him full of pasta and bread to just relax him a bit or put him in a carb coma with my yummy manicotti. The breaking point was when I caught him twirling around in my lingerie….yeah no one wants to see Gollum in a silky nighty from Victoria Secrets.

There came a point that I had to admit defeat my choices in men were horrible (not including the Major who I ended up marrying in December) so I had only one option. I found myself in a church, kneeling before the Lord and prayed. I cried. I prayed some more. I gave it up to him, I was no longer going to search for THE ONE because I was exhausted. Broken hearts suck. I was there for a good hour praying, well more like reading the prayers on the back of the missalette. I walked out of there with a new sense of peace because when it was time he would deliver …..well that’s what I had been told anyways…..so instead of Match.com finding me a man I went to the Big Man upstairs to be my matchmaker.

What he brought me was Mr.Crazy…….and from what I learned from this experience was you can’t fix crazy or fix Mr.Crazys momma who was unable to release this overgrown boy from her bosom. I guess in a way this was the test of all tests. It taught me to never settle, just because you may think that you are approaching 35 years old, you think no one loves you and that all the good ones are gone…..does not mean in any way that you should marry some guy who has no direction. Remember you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to fix themselves….and it’s a losing battle when they are in denial about what we all see as a problem.

There is hope to all those singles out there……there is a light at the end of the tunnel, believe me…….I definitely paid my dues, learned some very tough lessons, realized what I truly deserved and most importantly became comfortable with the thought of just being alone…..because really was I ALONE? I have good friends that would never turn their back on me, I have my children although grown they still keep in touch (one more than the other two), I have my health……yeah eating a Lean Cusine for dinner and watching reality television with your Furkids staring on day after day can be a bit lonely but just think…….he is out there, but it’s just not time yet. He may just need to figure somethings out before he is ready to cross your path and be yours 100%.

I had to wait ten years to before my husband and I crossed paths again…….

yeah I hear some of you saying….. “TEN YEARS…i have to wait TEN years!!”  I know ……I know.

26 thoughts on “Spinster…..aka Hopeless Romantic

  1. This is so very relatable! As I was reading the beginning about failed life lessons, I thought this is me!! I love the hopeless romantic term and again think so many women can relate. Thank you so much for sharing– great blog!

    • Thank you for stopping by and reading it…..although I only shared just a tiny bit of my 15 years in dating hell I just hope I got my point across that finding Mr.Right WILL HAPPEN eventually.

  2. The waiting game sucks. It’s a nice refresher to know someone else who went through the same thing. Thanks for sharing!

  3. If I could like this post a hundred times I would! Hope you don’t mind, I’m going to steal the idea a little bit but I’ll give you full credit… Just Awesome Jolene!!!

    • Thank you Suzie that means a lot I’m glad you enjoyed this post……I could have gone on forever about my not so happy experiences but I had to stop somewhere hahaha.

  4. I’ve not dated awful guys, but when I have dated the chemistry is just never there. There is always something missing. So I’m constantly thrown back into the single life, waiting… It’s really tough, especially now when it seems like there is no one on the horizon. But it will be worth it if I cross paths with the “guy for me” out there somewhere. I definitely plan on falling in love, I’m not going to “settle.”

  5. Thanks for the pingback – that’s the most action I’ve gotten in a few weeks. Thank God I didn’t delete it, I’m so used to pinging myself. LOL 😉 BTW – I did that church thing too. Didn’t work for me either. The biggest gift I could get right now is KNOWING what the stupid lesson IS and what my goal is. It’d be awesome if God would deliver a DVD to our door like The Biggest Loser does, saying, “Hello Jolene/1YOS. This is the Almighty Father in Heaven, and THIS will be your next at-home challenge…”

    • You’re welcome….I really don’t think we will ever truly know what the lesson is, well maybe I shouldn’t say that too loud or I will some how some day have a pile of lessons at my doorstep!! I can see it now, I’m at the pearly gates waiting to get in….”Jolene did you learn your lesson while you were on earth?”……shit? this must me a trick question? but it I lie I’m going to hell, so there I stand with the people who passed on before me hoping I answer correctly so we could be reunited again…..”well honestly sir, I’m still confused about what lesson I was trying to learn…it wasn’t really CLEAR, was it patience?? not to pick douche bags?? was it to forgive the idiots who hurt me?” …….the man shakes his head and points at a door that reads “DO OVER”….SHIT!! not again!!!

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  7. OMG! I feel like Charlotte in “Sex and the City” all the time. How many more frogs do I have to kiss?? Where are the nice single guys?? Will I always be single?? Why is it so difficult to say the truth?? I hate this dating game:(

  8. You really have a way with words. I like your writing style. Having said that, personally for me, I’ve had to look inward and fix me, not anyone else in my life. Not my husband, nor my brother whom I don’t get along with but wish I did. Not anyone but me. I’ve worked on me through many means…introspection, spirituality, therapy. You name it, I’ve done it to fix me and not make the same stupid mistakes. I married one of the good boys, and I mean all American, clean cut truly good at heart guy. He turned out to be an alcoholic. Not an abusive one mind you. Just a ‘poor me’ kinda drunk. However, he learned he needed to fix himself too. Thankfully, we’ve learned to grow at the same time now.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words!!
      I am glad that things worked out for both of you. I realized after time that I had to tweak part of myself too….it just wasn’t ALL their fault….I played a role in the break-ups too.

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