It’s coming …slowly, but it’s coming………it’s sneaking up around the corner and before I know it, BAM it will be here staring me straight in my face, snickering….In a little over 6 months I will be slapped with the hard cold truth that I will no longer be in thirty something bracket. I will be FORTY…..yeah forty. I have no intentions on doing anything drastic like get a tattoo and cut my beautiful long brown hair into a short bob; I already did that when I turned thirty. I cried non-stop for two days leading up to my birthday; I had my own little pity party, clearly I was being ridiculous.
I should have been happy to say adios to my twenties, but somehow in the back of my head my timeline was getting all screwed up……I was turning thirty and I had nothing to show for it (well except three awesome kids) at the age of twenty-two I already had one failed marriage, I had no degree, I was still falling in love with the wrong men, I had no real direction and I wasn’t close to getting married. There I said it……..in my head I thought that if I wasn’t married by the age of thirty I was destined to be a spinster……bring on the box of cats and colorful moo moos, this gal was going to die alone!! I remember my friend Marie telling me once “Jolene you’re thirty you need to find a man and settle down”. What did she think I was doing for the last 5 years, knitting sweaters?? Nonetheless, I entered my thirties kicking and screaming and let me tell you something…………….I am glad to close this chapter, granted this year rocked!! but from 30-38 it was a totally different story. ……I was in a bad skiing accident, I should have known better….I’m a klutz , I had no business thinking that it was a good idea to strap a pair of metal rods on my feet and head down a mountain without being wrapped up in bubble wrap first. I ended up in a wheel chair for a month, crutches for 4 months and during that time the man I was seeing told me that he had to end things because he had “no time to put forth into our relationship any longer” at the time I was pissed but it was a blessing because the man was equipped with nothing bigger then a gherkin. NOT LYING.
In those eight years I moved to three different cities, my kids got older and I didn’t get any wiser, I was making a dent in my resume, but still I was not so lucky in the love department……looking back now, it was pretty much my doing. I blame my husband. Hahahaha…..I met him when I was 28 and then we broke up, went our separate ways but I couldn’t get him out of my head. So the men that came into my life didn’t stand a chance to fully hold my heart 100%, because no matter if I “fell in love” somewhere in the back of my mind I was thinking of “My Major” and sometimes sabotaging the relationship with just humdrum bullshit which made them break it off with me or I ended it with them. During this time I found myself in two serious relationships, we did the moving in and the merging of things but one ended in a break up and one ended with me settling, and marrying Mr. Crazy. One word of advice……….NEVER SETTLE.EVER.HEAR ME? I was 35, maybe 36 when I met him, yeah I fell in love but it was doomed from the start, things never went smoothly, it was continuously rocky throughout our relationship and stupid me thought that this was all she wrote, “maybe it will get better?” I thought, but every sign was there in flashing red letters “Don’t do it moron!”, I tarnished my relationship with my oldest daughter because I didn’t listen to her regarding my choice to be with him, acquaintances and some friends thought our pairing was a bit off and in my head I thought if we got married he would do a complete one eighty (he didn’t)…….but still through our eleven month marriage……someone kept plaguing my thoughts…..The Major.
Sitting here behind my desk…..I’m finally at the place in my life where I am at peace. I am where I am suppose to be and I am with the one man that God had always intended for me to be with………I should have trusted in GODs timeline and not become fixated on my own. I have read many blogs from twenty somethings that are so anxious and worried that they haven’t found the one, that their clocks are ticking and that everyone around them is getting married but she/he still remain single………trust me, I have been there. I have cried over ice cream while watching Bridget Jones Diary with my best friend Jenny too many times to count…..Do yourself a favor and toss your timeline in the trash and enjoy life!!! He or she is out there…………………Trust me!!!
So with that being said………….turning forty doesn’t scare me. It’s just a number right?
Note to self : go to Target and pick up some more anti-wrinkle cream and moisturizer