“Mom, how did you know it was me?” my nineteen years old asked.
“Caller I.D Missy”
“So your life is quite innntteresttting……. I was up till one in the morning reading your blogs. Not just your current one but the one from three years ago. I just kept reading and reading then I looked up at the clock and it was past one in the morning”
Now, I knew Ann was reading this current blog from time to time but I didn’t think she would have any interest in my older ones. I wrote those blogs because I needed an outlet for those thoughts that I had held captive inside myself. In all honesty writing was therapeutic; it still is…..and back then my life was a mess, I was in a dysfunctional marriage, my faith in God was in question and being questioned constantly by my past, my relationship with my parents was again on a downward spiral……and my relationship with my daughters was beginning to unravel. So I found writing very helpful to say the least.
“Mom, I knew we had our issues and I knew you were having marriage problems but I really didn’t realize how bad it was. I also didn’t realize how selfish I acted back then….mom I was really selfish, I’m sorry. I acted like a bitch at times…..wow, Mom I didn’t know how much you had on your shoulders…..you never showed it.” Hearing this from my nineteen year old daughter was a surprise, I got teary eyed just because it just wasn’t her that was sorry for the past, I was too. She acknowledged that we were all going through some tough times back then but it’s obvious that I was in a much better place now.
Her maturity, her willingness to forgive and move forward is an honorable quality within her, not to mention very Christian like. She doesn’t hold my baggage against me and she is willing to open her eyes to see that although I was in a bad place a couple of years ago I have made great strides to overcome those not so good moments in my life. The last thing I wanted for her was to feel sorry for me……life happens, shit happens….but we have to somehow within all the turmoil and life lessons we need……….I NEEDED to ask the Lord for assistance and his love…..which he gave.
“Ann, did I mention anything bad about you or your sister?”…….I quickly brought up the blog in question. “Yeah, but it all happened. There were moments that I thought that it didn’t happen EXACTLY the way you stated but I saw your point NOW, back then I just thought you were being a bitch”……hey I admired her honesty!! We talked a bit longer about the blogs, laughed at some of the posts….. but by the end of the conversation I knew everything was still ok.
On a lighter note……
Yesterday Ann had mentioned to me that she wanted me to write about her in my blog. “Mom, I want you to write about me” she asked……..I told her that I really hadn’t written about her, her sister Marie or her brother Scott at any length because I didn’t want to overstep any lines because they (my daughters) are adults now and living their life. “Well, you can write about me I don’t mind”….hmmm alrighty then…..”so what do you want me to write about?” ….. “you can write about my relationship, how Jay and I are going to get married in your backyard and how you can’t want to be a nonna”. ……….I smiled.
Well Ann….. you got your wish!!