This morning a fax was going around the office and I thought I would share it with all you lovely people.
The Evolution of Sex
– The first is Smurf Sex .This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you are blue in the face.
– The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
– The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
– The fourth Kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Fuck you!”
– There is also a fifth kind of Sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
Now, I can totally relate to all of these ……….well except the last one. I’ve been divorced twice and I never wanted anything from either of them…..well besides the divorce. When my kids father and I divorced we were twenty-two years old and the only thing I wanted was full custody of my children. I was living in another state by the time the divorce was finalized and I pretty much started a new life for myself and my children. As far as my second marriage, all I wanted was to completely cut ties with him …….. I couldn’t wait to get rid of his last name, just thinking about it just makes my skin crawl. I remember hearing through the grapevine that he thought I would take him for all he had………..yeah like I wanted his grungy ass home (which I tried to redecorate but this place was hopeless), his dumb marvel comic/ Simpson cartoon t-shirts that were way too small for him or his waste of money “what were you thinking” garage sale finds.