Leading up to this past weekend my stomach was tied up in knots. It was not only my oldest daughters’ college graduation but it was the first time my parents and sister would meet my husband. The initial “meeting of the parents” normally happens during the dating process and in some cases at the wedding but in my case I was trying to hold off the meet and greet as long as possible.
I dreaded the moment just because I feared that my parents wouldn’t be on their best behavior. I worried that my dad would have too much to drink and start being loud and not so nice and then I was concerned my mom would portray herself as “ mother of the year” when in reality she is more like “mommy dearest”. (will go into that at another time)
Friday evening we met up with my parents, my sister, her family and my daughter for a pre-graduation dinner. There were a lot of hugs and “hey how you do’s”, I tried to avoid my parents and all cost but there are just a few in my family so the hugs went by quickly and eventually I had to say hello. We all gathered around a table and it wasn’t long before I ordered a glass of wine just to ease my nerves, I needed the whole bottle but one glass was sufficient enough for the evening. During dinner my oldest was sharing her itinerary for her upcoming trip to Europe and how when she returns she will be preparing for her job as a Kindergarten teacher and that’s when my dad blurted out “yeah your mom got kicked out of kindergarten for biting” everyone chuckled, in response my mom said “she kept biting some boy on the butt”, then my ever so handsome husband nonchalantly said “well she still bites”. The table went silent, I turned bright red……and then once they understood what he meant everyone was laughing. I wanted to hide under the table. I stared at my sister horrifed that my husband just outed me as a “biter during sex” , I couldn’t believe he shared a bedroom tidbit with everyone at the table. Granted my nephews are too young to have understood and my mom finally got the punch line minutes later, but I was mortified, seriously who wants their parents to know the goings on in the bedroom? I sure as hell don’t.